Survey: Knowing When to Say No

Hello, girls! I hope this Monday morning is as beautiful where you are as it is here in my town. As I type I am in my favorite porch swing listening to the tunes from my wind chimes. It is a balmy 75 degrees and a breeze is blowing just enough to keep my bangs out of my eyes while I work. Have you ever heard the Fernando Ortega song, This Good Day? Well, girlfriends, it is one and I intend on rejoicing in it!

So, as is the routine when I’m preparing for Chapter Next in the Married to the Ministry Book – it’s question time! I hope if you didn’t have the opportunity to chime in on the ‘Effects of Ministry Life on Marriage’ Survey that you’ll visit that link in my sidebar. There wasn’t a great deal of feedback on that one in comparison to the other topics so if you somehow think the questions weren’t relevant or if you have more to add, the post remains open.

Today’s topic deals with boundaries, or more specifically, knowing when to say no. When Luke and I were first called to service in the church, I don’t think I comprehended it was within my rights to say no to any request made of me – whether it was keeping nursery or directing VBS or hosting a holiday gathering in our home. I just assumed if I were the pastor’s wife and the church wanted me to take something on that it was my responsibility as Luke’s wife to get it done.

It was literally years before I began to get a true grasp on Romans 12 and what it means to have an individual gift that could be manifested however God led and I chose. Luke has also made it clear to me and our churches that my physical health and happiness come first and he doesn’t want me taking on one single project if it means I’ll be burdened instead of blessed by doing it.

That doesn’t mean I’ve always listened to him. There have been seasons of extreme burnout and downright depression. Times when studying Scripture has become a chore instead of a pipeline into the presence of Almighty God. Periods when I just wanted to stay home because I dreaded all the work that had to be done when I got to the church house. Am I talking to anyone out there?

Enough about me….Let’s talk about your experience.

For Ministry Wives:

*Do you ever find yourself taking on way too many responsibilities? Do you have any thoughts on why you do it to yourself?

*Has your emotional and spiritual health ever suffered because of lack of boundaries?

*Do you have a sense of a personal ministry calling? How do you manage what you believe God would have you do as an individual in contrast with your calling to support your husband in his ministry?

*Give me some examples of new ministries you’ve begun within your churches that have been ‘your babies’ so to speak.

For Lay People:

* Do your ministry wives ever seem tired? Do you feel they are trying to take on too much?

* Are there areas of ministry you’ve been interested in serving but you feel there is no opportunity because the MW always jumps to fill the spot?

* Do your MW’s possess personal gifts that have enhanced your pastor’s?

As always, these are just a few questions to get you started. Feel free to elaborate to your heart’s content.

Thank you again for sharing your wisdom with me!

June 30, 2008 | Filed Under Married to the Ministry, Surveys | 21 Comments 

Welcome to the Hotel Alabama…It’s a lovely place…such a lovely place…

Hello bloggy friends o’ mine!

We are back from the District Baseball Tournament – for the time being anyway. Our record stands at 1-1 so we will be driving 1 1/2 hours each way every night next week until we are beat out. Have any of you baseball moms ever hoped your kids lost?

Yeah, ummm, me either.

Anyway, we spent the night in Tourney Town over the weekend because we had the late game Friday night and a noon game Saturday. I was all proud of myself because I found a decent room online at a great rate. Notice I didn’t say fancy – we just wanted clean.

I should preface what I’m about to say by telling you I’m not a picky or demanding girl. I don’t think I’ve ever sent a meal back. Not one to pitch a fit in long lines. Not one to insist on my own way.

Not one to toot my own horn?

Seriously, I’m only trying to get the point across that I’m not high-maintenance – in my own estimation anyway. (Luke McKay, if you are reading this you’d better keep it zipped or you will pay, hubby. You will pay.)

So, we pulled into the motel I had reserved. Let’s just say if there were ever a new HGTV series of Curb Appeal: Motel Edition - they’d totally qualify to be the first contestant. It looked NOTHING like the web pictures. Those photos were obviously taken the day after the contractors pulled out a few decades ago. Before Luke and I said a word Boy Two whined, “Awww, man. Are y’all making us stay in this dump?”

Even with that, I was willing to give the place a chance if it were just clean. That’s all we wanted – not too much to ask for, right? I went in the lobby and asked the owner to let me see the room before we agreed to rent it.

Oh, y’all.

Mr. Patel (really his name) led me through a breezeway to the room. We had to weave our way through a maze of old mop buckets, a rusted washer and dryer, and discarded flower pots to make it to the back part of the motel. He opened the door and grandly presented the room just like Vanna White showcasing a new car.

There warn’t no new car in there.

There were bugs. Big, fat, junebug-lookin‘ bugs.

Some were dead. Some were alive. Some of their broken carcasses littered the floor. The carpet had very obviously not been vacuumed in a great long time.

I knew there was no stinkin‘ way I was laying down in that room and I triple knew that my man wouldn’t sleep there so I gathered my nerve and said:

“I’m so sorry but there are bugs in this room and I don’t believe we’ll stay here.”

And with that, the Vanna-smile disappeared. Imagine telling some exotic, sword-carrying king that his only daughter – the apple of his eye – was indeed an ugly duckling. That was the look on Mr. Patel’s face. I’d insulted his pride and joy and he was not at all happy about it.

Wide-eyed and teeth bared, he yelled, “These just water bugs and no problem!”

I calmly explained that, yes, the bugs were a problem and again that we would not be staying. He then told me he was still going to bill me for the room.

Scary man with dirty motel say whaaat?

“Oh, no sir. I won’t be paying for a night here.”

“Yes, I bill you and you must leave my property right away. Right away!”

“Oh, no, you won’t and I am SO not leaving until you remove my credit card from your computer.”

And then I did what I always do when I’ve gotten in a mess far beyond my ability to manage.

“LUUUKKKE!”

And y’all his name was, like, the magic word. When Mr. P. saw me wave towards The Man in the Car, he totally freaked. Don’t think for a second I wouldn’t have scheduled Luke for a dust up on the playground if it would have gotten us out of paying for that room.

I’m shameless in playing the Hubby Card.

For any of you girls who think submission doesn’t work to our advantage? Maybe you just aren’t working it properly. Hang around awhile, my friends, we’ll get you straightened out in no time.

Guess how Mr. P responded to Luke’s buffness? “No, no. I promise I cancel your reservation. Just leave my property right now! Right AWAY!”

And so, we left. We found another hotel (the only vacancy in town) that cost us a stinkin‘ fortune.

And we slept like babies.

Bug free.

June 29, 2008 | Filed Under Marriage | 32 Comments 

Off to the Big District!

As much as I’m sure most of you are not at all interested in Little League Baseball, I have to tell you that we are on our way to play in the 11/12 District Tourney today and tomorrow. Our boys came in 2nd in Sub District after an umpire-induced, devastating defeat in the bottom of the 7th inning Tuesday night in the championship game. It’s kind of hard to win after having to give the other team 4 outs per inning.

But I’m not bitter, really. Those guys work hard for the big bucks.

And I work hard to stay ingognito behind my big ole black sunglasses when I’m gently reminding them to wear their thicker glasses to the next game or suggesting their moms wear combat boots. Yes, ma’am. There is a reason I don’t wear our church t-shirts to the ballgames. I wouldn’t want to embarass Jesus or I*** Baptist.

Or Luke. Can’t forget about him. Is it even necessary or me to tell you we don’t sit anywhere near each other on the sidelines?

Oh well…I’ll be off for a couple of days. Wish my boy Godspeed and me a restrained tongue. And also pray we aren’t scheduled a Sunday game cause, y’all, we don’t do Sunday ball if it means missing church. It kind of ruins the preacher’s testimony, dontcha think?

Have a great weekend!

June 27, 2008 | Filed Under Parenting or Lack Thereof | 14 Comments 

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