Are Your BFF’s in the Church Pews?
We had a great discussion a few weeks back on whether or not ministry wives could or should be BFF’s with girls in their congregations. I’ve written an article for CWO , BFF’s in the Church Pews, in which I share how I view friendships within the church and life in general. It is a relevant subject to ministry and lay people alike, so I’d love it if you’d go read it and then tell me what you think!
Also, keep your questions coming for the column! Ministry wives: Is there an issue you are unsure how to address? Lay People: Ever wondered how a certain aspect of ministry operates? Ask away and I’ll do my best to answer!
Wow! I’m speechless!! You nailed it girl!! Way to go!! I’m going to re-read….heck I’m going to print it out and post it up!!
Am I kin to the funny crazy friends:) lol!!!!!!!!!
Did I mention that I’m impressed!! I think this subject should be your next book….I can see it now….”Three Friends Indeed, or Three for Three,or Trio of Friends, oh the possiblilties:)
Lisa, read the article and thinks it’s great! You took the words right outta my mouth (and arranged them more neatly :)
I’m glad I went and read that. There are people in my life that are becoming my mentors (in the way of them helping me grow and seeing my gifts)…I never realized how one gets a mentor…now I know I already have some! Also the reminder of keeping your mouth shut…that’s a big one for me…I am learning (quite quickly) when to keep my mouth shut!
Hmm… I don’t have BFF in the church pews. I’m still getting to know people and with my personality I probably won’t have a BFF in the church pew (God could surprise me!). Although my MIL is there but she’s the senior pastor’s wife (I’m the youth pastor’s wife). We’re just one big happy pastoral family! LOL!
Oh boy! I just read the article and the BIGGEST thing that stuck out to me was, “Don’t talk about your husband…” I haven’t talked about him with church members, but I realized I shouldn’t be talking about him AT ALL in a negative light. That’s not going to be beneficial in the end.
Great article. I can honestly say that I have friends who fit into every category that you mentioned. They have been gracious in their acceptance of me, and the mutual love and respect between us continues to grow over time.
Loved this article. Had to share a summary with others. Praisin’ Him for the beauty of friendship–all 3 categories.
I really enjoyed that post, because it helps me understand my Pastor’s wife a little better:)
I mean its always been hard to see where my position really is in her life as well, and I guess it is just to be the one that is mentored, and pray for her as a leader, and not so much as a person.
It really cleared up 10 yrs for me girl:) thanks!
I can’t seem to get the link to work.
Read it and think you hit it on the head. I have all these relationships and do tend to feel it get more heavy on one side than the other every now and again…thanks for the article.
LOved it. I think there are some changes going on in my cirlce of friends, and your article helped me process/accept/deal with that.
Patty from the Siesta Fiesta blog tells me that I will be roomies with you and your friend Brooke! It has been absolutely amazing how God has worked it out for me to go!!!! Would love to get to know you more between now and then. I frequent your blog, but don’t always leave a comment.
As for your article, excellent. I was told one time by an older pastor’s wife that as a pastor’s wife I should have NO friends in the church my husband is serving at! It sometimes a struggle to fit in. People already have their “groups” settled. This is one reason I am looking so forward to San Antonio, to meet up with some sweet sweet friends I have made via the blogs!
Email me if you want: firstname.lastname@example.org
What great advice! I’m guilty of airing dirty laundry because I want to be real with people and don’t want them to see us as perfect, but point well taken! I don’t want to do anything to cause anyone to disrespect my husband or undermine his ministry.
I loved the article about ministry wives having friends in the church. Everything you said was so true and so vital! I know I am not a “ministry wife” but it helps me, too, in my new ministry and now being on staff at church!
Lisa, has anyone ever told you you should write a book??!! You are a FABULOUS writer. Keep pressin’ on, sweet sister!
I haven’t read the article yet but from the title, this seems to be a topic of conversation in my church right now. I have several friends of mine that I am attempting to come visit my church. I really would love to have my BFF in the pew with me. I plan to go read the article this weekend. Thanks for your point of view.
A new visitor to your blog here. Nice to meet you. Just wanted to say that I was blessed by your blog.
Have a lovely afternoon.
I have been thinking a lot about this topic. I don’t really have any BFF’s at all! Is that sad or what? I mean I have friends.. but not really any close friends. Anyways, I loved the article! I’m praying that God will develope the right and healthy kind of friendships in my life!
While I’m not a pastor’s wife, I do think your advice would be good for everyone to follow. I am blessed with many close friendships at my church– they truly are family to me. But my BFF goes to a completely different church. We each have our own sets of friends but are always their for each other.
As far as a layperson’s perspective, I have great respect for my pastor’s wife! She is truly a warm-hearted, humble lady that loves God, loves her husband and has a JOY about her! Other people are drawn to that kind of joy… and it is SO easy to be friends with someone like that.
I finally had a chance to read it and thought it was GREAT! Our Sunday school class was recently talking about those 3 friends, except the teacher related them to Paul (mentor), Barnabas (spiritual maturity equal & encourager), & Timothy (that one who needs us). I do think those three friends are essential for everyone to have!
DH has been in the interview process for a job at the church we’ve attended for 2 1/2 years now (he was still in seminary when we started going there). I’ll be interested to see how that transition goes if he does get the job … and I’m excited to go read your article! It’s a great topic.
OK, just read your article. Loved it! Confirms a lot of what I’d been thinking in preparing for my most likely upcoming role as a pastor’s wife. :) Thanks for writing this!
Amen and amen! I have been “burned” by BFFs in the pews…but I have also learned it is a dance of sorts. I have learned to find that “outside source” who can listen to the junk that sometimes exists for ministry wives. I’ve also found, however, that being there for women in the church is so powerful.
What a great article, Lisa!
Amen! very well said :),marina