I MISSED this discussion last week… how did I do that?!!??? When I read the book a few weeks ago I jotted a note I wanted to share…

In recent church planting studies… it has been said the church will take on the personality of the wife.

So ladies NEVER underestimate GOD’S call to you and what you have to offer your body of believers. HE thought SO much of you He CHOOSE you to partner with your hubby… and you ARE influencing your church… one way or another.

Love all of you. Thanks LISA. YOU ROCK my friend.
.-= Mary Beth´s last blog ..Conversation With My 7 year old Niece =-.

Question #3: I have to admit that I laughed out loud when I read pg. 51 where the church had the pastor’s wife’s responsibilities in women’s ministries written in the church bylaws!! The senior pastor’s wife and I are the ‘pastoral liasons’ for women’s ministries (something we didn’t ask to do). Many women have expressed their disapproval and disappointment whenever I miss a women’s meeting to my husband, even though I have 3 teens in my home who are all very busy in sports and extra-curricular activities… Many thought that I was on staff (the senior pastor’s wife is the children’s ministries pastor) and paid to be there, and have commented about me not being at the church during office hours. This is our first time being in full-time ministry, and it has been a bit overwhelming the differing expectations that people have of what a pastor’s wife should be doing, and how she should be acting!

1. Almost every time I purchase clothes for myself I think, “Is somebody going to think I spend too much money on clothes??” No one has ever said anything (including my husband) but that paranoia creeps in and I wonder what people will think.

2. Being sober (calm & collected in spirit) is probably hardest for me right now. Life with a toddler is crazy, ministry is crazy, our schedules are flat out crazy!

3. I haven’t been pressured to do anything at our current church. I’m also on staff full time so I think people realize I have my hands full already. (Or maybe they caught on to my response to question #2) :)
.-= rachel h´s last blog ..birthday recap =-.

Question No. 1 – I’d say that when hubby and I first went into ministry (Youth Ministry in 2002), I had more of a change in what I watched (TV & movies), listened to (Music), and read (books). Before we were both saved, we were pretty wild. We both swung from one side of the pendulum (crazy wild) to the other (ultra conservative). At the time, I think we both needed to do that. As far as clothes go, I never dressed too wildly, mostly because it is hard for me to find clothing that looks great anyway (need to lose weight). I do wear jeans a lot to church, and probably should dress up a little more. My hubby likes more relaxed clothes, too, but will dress in suits and or shirts/ties to appease the masses. (Did I just say that?) He is a funny one, though, as he will undo his tie and pull his shirttail out as the SP is making announcements in service. Many times, you can find him dressed up in church and me sitting next to him in jeans, shirts, and cute shoes :)

I had more of an identity crisis last year (2009) when our current church called hubby to be the AP. It was really more that I thought that I was not worthy enough to be a Pastor’s wife (our wild past/my lack of holiness/I know the thoughts that go through my head & I am so grateful that no one else does/lack of devotional time/fill in the blank). I struggled and talked to a friend of mine who is a SPW who told me that I just needed to be me and let God be Him. I just didn’t feel “good enough” to be a PW. Another friend of mine (a church member) said that she’d be worried if I felt that I was too good enough. I still wonder sometimes if God really knows what He is doing and have asked Him that. :)

Question No. 2 – I probably struggle with not being diabolical the most. I can usually separate people and their actions (we all sin, many people in church are not saved, etc) but it’s the ones who KNOW you and still hurt you are the ones I struggle with the most. There is a small posse in our church who have decided they don’t like hubby for various reasons and seek to cause us problems. I don’t want to go into detail online but it’s been a mess. Some of these particular people were good friends of mine before hubby got saved and called into ministry, but now will barely speak to me. It is easy for me to ignore them or act in kind, but I know that I am called to love them anyway.

I do tend to keep people at arms distance…dont really know who I can trusst and have been hurt too many times to count.

Question No. 3 – I don’t feel pressured to do anything in our current church or with the church plant. I serve because I want to and feel led to, and I have a joy in it. I am especially excited about the church plant and the direction it is going. My husband does not expect me to be or do anything except to be Cindi in Christ…and that is hard enough :) and to strengthen my relationship with the Lord.

The area that will be the most difficult for me to master (knowing is half the battle) will be not taking things personally when my husband is criticized and being above reproach when it happens. I will definitely have to be prepared to bite my tongue and not feel like I have to set someone straight! So I will go with Sober (calm and collected in spirit) as my area that I need to master.

I feel pressure to be more outgoing than I am and to be involved in any are that there is a need, but I also know that this is pressure from myself and not my church or my husband. I have just started my 2nd month as the Pastor’s Wife and wish I had more time to put into it. I am an elementary teacher, Jr. High Volleyball Coach and a mom of 3 active girls. I plan to quit teaching next year and will homeschool my 2 younger girls to be able to be a better wife, mom, and PW! Cant wait!!

I have never felt pressure to dress a certain way. I try to always look nice, but I wear my dress jeans on Sunday mornings if that’s how I feel when I get up that day. I don’t really know if people care or not, because I don’t worry what they think about that. It’s always been our mission to make those in our community who may be unchurched feel comfortable walking into a “traditional” Baptist church, so if the PW wearing jeans makes them feel that way, then so be it.

I have a problem keeping my big mouth shut! I say things and then realize I could have said it differently (or not at all). It seems to me that church people (those who gossip and slander religiously) expect the PW to be mild and meek even when that’s not what the situation calls for. I will not stand idly by and allow someone to be attacked or talked about just because its the thing to do!

I also have a hard, hard time being nice to people who are mean to my husband or kids. I have tried to stay above the fray and not engage, but merciful Heavens……that’s HARD. I generally love the ppl in our church, but am not that forgiving of this particular “sin”. With that being said, I must also say that this church we are in has been so different (in a glorious, loving way) to our family than our last church. It’s taken me a while to get over the hurt!

The ministry that I feel the most pushed into and not gifted for is youth. I love the activities that they do, and if I could just plan them and not have to participate all would be well. However, we currently have nobody stepping up to the plate (even the parents of the teens) to do anything with them and it has fallen to my husband and me to do it all. I don’t like working with teens because in my home and in my classroom, I command respect. You don’t always get that at church…….and as the pw, I can’t say things to them that I say to my own kids or my classes b/c if ppl get mad, then they leave the church or talk about you or whatever. It’s so frustrating to me! Suggestions welcome…..seriously!!
.-= Patty´s last blog ..stressed =-.

I loved how you said that. I couldn’t agree more!
.-= Marsha´s last blog ..Posse (homeschool style) =-.

1. I really haven’t struggled with the issue of dress. Even though I’m the “flashiest” dresser in our small group (according to my husband), I don’t dress inappropriately. I enjoy wearing skirts and dresses and heels on Sunday morning since they’re not really practical for running errands with four girls during the week! But I do wear shorts to Wednesday night church in warm weather!

2. I struggle most with being winsome. I have struggled almost all my life with major insecurity, so while I genuinely like most people, I am afraid they won’t like me. (Thank you middle school for this lasting “gift”!) I am often afraid to be myself, especially around people with strong personalities so I know that I probably seem aloof or fake to others. God is dealing with this issue, and it’s one I hope to be healed of soon. I’m reading Beth Moore’s So Long Insecurity, and I know God is using it!

3. I really haven’t felt pressured to work outside my gifts for any length of time. The only exception I can think of is the church’s expectation of any mom who doesn’t work outside the home to work VBS. But it’s only a week, so it’s not too bad!
.-= April´s last blog ..Hope for the Future =-.

1. Well I’m already conserative in dress lol.. I don’t feel the need to go much more than I am so I feel pretty happy about, especially after readying your book.

2. my self-control iwith my words… that’s what I need to work on..

3. as far as what others think.. i’m scared to death people will assume I should know how to play the piano LOL I know that’s funny, but I don’t play anything.. and well I sing, but it ain’t pretty! lol..