She Doesn’t Get it From Me

We celebrated Memorial Day by first remembering those who have died in service to our country and then – according to my kids – attempting to kill them by forcing them to do some cleaning and organizing. 

One of the major things on my list was to get all the clean clothing from the laundry room into the respective kids’ closets and drawers.  That is a little difficult when a certain little girl has way too many clothes and her loser mom has yet to change out her winter wardrobe.  In a surprise move, my little daughter offered to clean out her chest so we could make room for her summer stuff.  When I went in to her room tonight to make ready for bedtime, this is what I found:

She made two neat stacks and labeled them accordingly: 

“to little.”

“don’t like.” 

And that was it.  No “I’ll keep these until I lose 5 lbs.” or “This might come back in style if I keep it long enough.”  I love the simplicity of it.

And the innocence of this makes me smile and tear up at the same time:

 

My darlin’ child happily playing with her American Girl “Just Like Me” doll after a job well done.

I am verklempt.

Again.

(Shocking, I know.)

May 31, 2010 | Filed Under The Girl | 13 Comments 

Mamaw

This past week, my family said goodbye to my Mamaw.  She was 89 and had been in failing health for the past few years.  Her going was unavoidable but I wouldn’t have been ready even if she had been 189. 

I grew up living next door to Mamaw and Papa my entire life so they were always a part of my dailiness.  Papa could always found in his garden tending to his show-stopping tomatoes and as a retired carpenter, was always tinkering with a wood-working project.  If Mamaw wasn’t in her flowers she was in the kitchen.  After I married I spent a day with her so she could teach me how to make her perfect chicken and dumplings.  I never have been able to get them right (she made the flat noodle dumplings and mine always turn out too puffy) but the memories of trying are priceless.   I have discovered that Mary B’s makes a frozen version that is a pretty good knock off but they are not the same. 

Lots of things will never be the same now that both of them are gone.  The hardest thing about the funeral was going back to Mamaw and Papa’s house afterward and knowing that a generation had passed the likes of which will not come our way again.  They wouldn’t recognize our world today – in fact Mamaw never drove a car once in her life.  She had no clue about iPods or iPhones.  She just loved her family and enjoyed recounting her life as a child in the Tennessee countryside more than anything.  She missed the farm, the spring house, and her horse named Edith Esther Stella (okay, I just forgot the rest of the names. Help me out here, Mom).  The horse had about seven names because she couldn’t make up her mind between all that she liked.  She laughed extra long and hard when I told her it must have taken a long time to giddy up.

My heart is so full of both of my grandparents and there are many things I could share that would mean nothing to anyone but me.  There is one thing that sticks out though that will always be my favorite time with Mamaw.  Let’s see if I can get through this.

My Papa died in 1995 somewhat unexpectedly.  It was already a very sad season for me because a short time before that I had miscarried my first baby.  At the time, Luke and I were in college in Kentucky and so we traveled home for the funeral.  Luke stayed with his parents but I stayed with Mamaw because I didn’t want her to be alone.  I was terribly sick with bronchitis and that night could not stop coughing when I went to bed.   Mamaw got up, brought me cough medicine, and in a shocking move asked me if I wanted to come sleep with her.  I knew she was asking as much for herself as for me.

We laid awake in bed for a long time.  Mamaw liked to talk but our conversations were typically shallow.  My family is not one given to expression of deep sentiment or shows of emotion.  So again, it was shocking to me when she asked, “Lis, what do you think happened to make you lose the baby?”  I told her I had no idea and that it was just one of those things that will have no explanation until the Lord tells us one day.  And then she said, “I know you’ll get to have another one.  You’re going to be okay.”  I said, “I know, Mamaw.  And you know what?  You are going to be okay, too.”

And there we lay, two women grieving personal losses and yet sharing them by virtue of our lineage.  Something about that exchange caused me – in my own mind anway – to understand that in the course of that night I was no longer regarded a child but as one entrusted with shouldering a hard thing instead of being shielded from it.  I never loved her more than I did on that day.   

I miss her.  I miss the era and simplicity she represented and I miss that I never had to wonder where I stood with her.  She was a safe place.  I say goodbye to her knowing I’ll never be half the woman she was.  We live in a time where intention has replaced action.  Where frozen biscuits have replaced those deftly rolled out under a skilled hand.  Where we have family reunions on Facebook.   Where we wish things could be like they were 50 years ago but in our hearts we know we can’t go back.

The last time we talked while she was in the hospital - more lucid than I had seen her in months I might add –  I said to her, “You are my favorite, Mamaw.”  She said, “You’re my favorite, too.”  She was too polite not to respond in kind but I’ll carry it as truth as long as my sisters and cousins will allow it.  I can pretend I was her favorite but I don’t have to fudge to say she was mine. 

I love you, Mamaw.  I’m glad that you are finally okay.  And you know what?  Though it’s going to take some time, we are going to be okay, too.

May 30, 2010 | Filed Under Family, Grief | 25 Comments 

‘Cute Shoes’ Online Discussion ~Chapter Nine

I’m not a woman who believes in coincidence and the timing of finishing our discussion on the chapter entitled, “The Greatest Gift is Love” only serves to deepen that conviction.  The season of ministry in which Luke and I currently find ourselves is without a doubt the most difficult we have ever faced in our 18 years of experience.  However, there is one thing of which we are certain:  a group of believers committed to loving one another can make it through any attack as long as we will lock shields and fight as one man. (Thank you, Gladiator, for that visual.)  I sobbed tonight as I read back over this chapter whose future relevance I couldn’t begin to comprehend when it was written almost 2 years ago.

“Above all, love each other deeply, because love covers a multitude of sins.”  (1 Peter 4:8)  This verse has always held special significance for me because I’m just foolish enough to believe it works.  This verse is the reason I have never withheld my heart from those we serve because I am confident that if we have relationships and friendships within the pews that there will be a basis for forgiveness when either one of us just flat blows it.  Love says that we believe the best about someone first, that we bless those who curse us, that we give the benefit of the doubt, that we think of others as better than ourselves, and that we come to serve instead of being served.  The truth is, love doesn’t always ‘like’ but it does at least throw a blanket of grace over the unsavory thing so we can maintain unity.   

There is a paragraph on pg. 183 that I would like to quote.  It is also the one that made me cry so much because I know the Lord wanted me to see it with fresh eyes on this very day:

“In our (the minister’s family) defense, there are often two legitimate sides to an issue and yet we are forced to choose one.  If our choice falls to the opposite side of your own opinion, will you love us anyway?  Can we agree to disagree and move on side by side even if we don’t feel like holding hands at the moment? When we can operate beyond our own desires and seek God’s agenda for our lives and churches, everyone wins.” 

What do we win exactly?  Victory over Satan’s schemes.  He has come to devour our testimony.  To bring to nothing all the ground we’ve gained together.  To steal the love of the saints towards God and one another.  When, when, will we catch on and turn it back on him?  Why are we still taken captive by the same old arguments that set themselves up against the true, life-altering, knowledge of Christ and how we respond in trial because of it?

I know you are probably thinking, ‘Easier said that done, Lisa.  Are you really that naive?’  The answer to that question is yes, yes I am.  Because here is what I know:  we have God’s Word in front of us and it is a plumb line.  There isn’t any single situation you could level against it for which there isn’t a relevant instruction on how to proceed through it.  We weren’t promised easy but we are promised that all things are possible for him who believes.  It drives me insane that we could sit for years in a sanctuary every Sunday morning  or in our Bible study classes on weeknights and hear teaching after teaching on how to live the Christian life and then totally disconnect our knowledge from our action when it’s time to road test all we’ve learned. 

Girls, we have to love.  Even when it hurts.  Even when it is the last stinkin’ thing we want to do.  Even when it requires humility that is hard to muster.  And you know what?  The unfortunate truth is that there may be a day when that affection is not reciprocated and it is time to move on.  But, we can do that knowing that we did the noble thing.  That we could walk out (or be hurled out!) with heads held high because we loved and protected and acted from that place of motivation.

It has been such a pleasure to walk through this book with you and to share once again my heart where ministry is concerned.  I consider it the greatest privilege of life and will never take for granted the special ability to serve Christ’s Body and the people in it.  It is also a wonderful thrill to think that any word contained here was used to strengthen your resolve to hang in there.  God thought much of you when He appointed you to this life, my friends.  Don’t you ever forget that.    

The past weeks have also profoundly humbled me again as I’ve watched my husband fight the gates of Hell on behalf of his beloved people.  IBC, you can not comprehend the heights and depths to which you are loved and how far your pastor would go to rescue just one of you or to shelter all of you.  You have no idea.  It is with unwavering conviction that I say I am utterly confident in this man’s leadership and that I absolutely trust his judgment because he is on his face before the Lord with his soul clean and bared before Him.  There is no greater judge of a man’s character than the opinion held of him by his wife who sees him when the microphone is off and the parsonage doors are closed.  I’ve never been more convinced of the right man being in the right place for such a time as this.  It is my joy to uphold him so he can be of greater service to you. 

So maybe you girls recognized I’m really tender and got a little carried away there.   After brief consideration, I think I’ll leave it all intact.  I don’t have a long list of questions for you but would rather ask:

“Can you encourage us with a situation where love saved the day?” 

I need to hear it and I know many other people do as well.

May 20, 2010 | Filed Under Cute Shoes, Cute Shoes Online Discussion | 13 Comments 

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