“Above all, love each other deeply, because love covers a multitude of sins.”  (1 Peter 4:8)  This verse has always held special significance for me because I’m just foolish enough to believe it works.  This verse is the reason I have never withheld my heart from those we serve because I am confident that if we have relationships and friendships within the pews that there will be a basis for forgiveness when either one of us just flat blows it.  Love says that we believe the best about someone first, that we bless those who curse us, that we give the benefit of the doubt, that we think of others as better than ourselves, and that we come to serve instead of being served.  The truth is, love doesn’t always ‘like’ but it does at least throw a blanket of grace over the unsavory thing so we can maintain unity.   

There is a paragraph on pg. 183 that I would like to quote.  It is also the one that made me cry so much because I know the Lord wanted me to see it with fresh eyes on this very day:

“In our (the minister’s family) defense, there are often two legitimate sides to an issue and yet we are forced to choose one.  If our choice falls to the opposite side of your own opinion, will you love us anyway?  Can we agree to disagree and move on side by side even if we don’t feel like holding hands at the moment? When we can operate beyond our own desires and seek God’s agenda for our lives and churches, everyone wins.” 

What do we win exactly?  Victory over Satan’s schemes.  He has come to devour our testimony.  To bring to nothing all the ground we’ve gained together.  To steal the love of the saints towards God and one another.  When, when, will we catch on and turn it back on him?  Why are we still taken captive by the same old arguments that set themselves up against the true, life-altering, knowledge of Christ and how we respond in trial because of it?

I know you are probably thinking, ‘Easier said that done, Lisa.  Are you really that naive?’  The answer to that question is yes, yes I am.  Because here is what I know:  we have God’s Word in front of us and it is a plumb line.  There isn’t any single situation you could level against it for which there isn’t a relevant instruction on how to proceed through it.  We weren’t promised easy but we are promised that all things are possible for him who believes.  It drives me insane that we could sit for years in a sanctuary every Sunday morning  or in our Bible study classes on weeknights and hear teaching after teaching on how to live the Christian life and then totally disconnect our knowledge from our action when it’s time to road test all we’ve learned. 

Girls, we have to love.  Even when it hurts.  Even when it is the last stinkin’ thing we want to do.  Even when it requires humility that is hard to muster.  And you know what?  The unfortunate truth is that there may be a day when that affection is not reciprocated and it is time to move on.  But, we can do that knowing that we did the noble thing.  That we could walk out (or be hurled out!) with heads held high because we loved and protected and acted from that place of motivation.

It has been such a pleasure to walk through this book with you and to share once again my heart where ministry is concerned.  I consider it the greatest privilege of life and will never take for granted the special ability to serve Christ’s Body and the people in it.  It is also a wonderful thrill to think that any word contained here was used to strengthen your resolve to hang in there.  God thought much of you when He appointed you to this life, my friends.  Don’t you ever forget that.    

The past weeks have also profoundly humbled me again as I’ve watched my husband fight the gates of Hell on behalf of his beloved people.  IBC, you can not comprehend the heights and depths to which you are loved and how far your pastor would go to rescue just one of you or to shelter all of you.  You have no idea.  It is with unwavering conviction that I say I am utterly confident in this man’s leadership and that I absolutely trust his judgment because he is on his face before the Lord with his soul clean and bared before Him.  There is no greater judge of a man’s character than the opinion held of him by his wife who sees him when the microphone is off and the parsonage doors are closed.  I’ve never been more convinced of the right man being in the right place for such a time as this.  It is my joy to uphold him so he can be of greater service to you. 

So maybe you girls recognized I’m really tender and got a little carried away there.   After brief consideration, I think I’ll leave it all intact.  I don’t have a long list of questions for you but would rather ask:

“Can you encourage us with a situation where love saved the day?” 

I need to hear it and I know many other people do as well.

Today we are going to talk about ministry moves in the chapter entitled, “The Joys of Hello.” Here are the things I always love to hear from other ministry wives on the subject:

1.  How many times have you moved?

2.  Have you learned to appreciate the process or do you cry every time?

3.  Parsonage or purchase?

4.  UHaul or Ryder or Moving Company?

5.  What is your favorite thing about the move?  The least favorite?

6.  Share your favorite tip on surviving a ministry relocation.

I’m keeping it short today because I have to finish some work and then go visit my Mamaw Crawford in the hospital.  Please pray for her.  She’s suffered a heart attack and isn’t doing well at all.  She is 89 years old and precious to our family.  I’m asking the Lord to give her peace and comfort and assurance of his love for her.  These times are inevitable but that doesn’t make them any easier, does it?  I know y’all understand and I appreciate your lifting her name to the Father.

In the meantime, working through the book chapters with you has given me joy in ways you can’t comprehend.  Both your comments and private emails sharing how God has encouraged you in the pages is more than my heart can take in.  From Day One of the process until now, I’ve never gotten over the feeling of being in way over my head.  My first goal was just to be able to finish the project without obsessing too much on how it would be actually be received once it hit a shelf.   When it was ‘out there’, I freaked in a whole new way.  I knew I had done the best I could do but I’d be lying if I said it didn’t matter to me if it resonated with you at all.   It did matter.  It does matter.  So, to those of you who have taken the time to communicate that with me – thank you.  THANK YOU.  I don’t take your kindness for granted nor do I minimize our God who can work through any means to strengthen the families of His shepherds.  To Him alone be praise!

Okay, let’s take a look at Chapter Seven and see what you girls have to say about raising our Preacher’s Kids to keep the faith!  Don’t forget to sign in with name and location.  Also feel free to respond to one another in the comments.

1.  In what ways do you and your husband ensure your children feel prioritized?


2.  How would you say your children feel about being the children of a pastor?  Do they love it?  Are they indifferent?

3.  What are some special things church members have done for your children to minister to them specifically?

4.  If you’ve experienced parenting difficulty with your children you would attribute to the pressures of ministry life, do you have wisdom you can share to others walking the same road or those hoping to avoid it?

I have to admit I’m somewhat a Pollyanna where this subject is concerned because my children have thrived as PK’s but I’m not naive enough to not realize many of you are broken over prodigals.  Please allow us to pray with you if you feel free to share in this context.

I will select a winner  of the giveaway and post her name on Monday.   I’m not going to close comments so the discussion can continue but know that the current entry 37 will be the cut off for the giveaway.  In the meantime, I’m headed out the door to the ATL to see Mama Beth and worship with 10,000 of my closest friends.  I hope to see lots of you there!  I’ll tell you all about it when I get back!   xoxoxoxo   Lisa

Hey Girls!  It’s time for us to jump back in to our book discussion but it seems rude to get straight to business without catching up for a bit first.

Last week was Spring Break and the weather was p-e-r-f-e-c-t-i-o-n.  Luke and I cleaned out our storage building and if we’d had a camera crew could have easily filmed our own segment of American Pickers.  If I were a better blogger I would have some pictures for you.  The reality is I’m a stinky blogger so you’ll have to envision my awesome locker baskets that I’ve held on to for years waiting to find just the right place for them and the box of old metal toy trucks Luke bought at an auction before we met.   We also have an antique bed that was manufactured by the Gettysburg, Pennsylvania Furniture Co. in 1927 and an old laxative tin that came out of my great-grandmother’s pie safe.  The medication is long since gone but I’m thinking the tin would look cool on a shelf in our bathroom.  An inspiration piece of sorts.

The kids went to their grandparent’s house in Georgia Thursday.  Luke spoke at a banquet for a ministry we dearly love on Thursday night.  Friday we hit every homebuilding supply store in a 100 mile radius to gather ideas.  Saturday morning I spoke at a women’s luncheon for a group of adorable women with some serious skillz in the food/decor department.  (I’ll show pictures and tell you more about them in a couple of days.  Lots of great ideas from their event.)  Saturday afternoon Luke and I drove to Cartersville, GA to see the house we are building in real life.  A developer has it for sale so the darlin’ realtor let us go in and spend lots of time taking pictures, etc. so we could see if it felt like home. (It totally did.)  I am challenged when it comes to seeing a house plan in 3D so the tour was gold.

And then it was Sunday and since all the kids were still gone I got to church on time. 

Whoot!

And now that I’ve finally worked myself around to church, let’s get to our discussion on ‘Embracing Your Thing’.  I’m going to pitch out some straight forward questions.  I also want to point out to you that I’ve added a plug-in that allows you to reply to various commenters.  I’m trying to use that more to communicate with you and I hope you will use it as well to talk back and forth with one another.  Don’t forget to begin your response with your name, state, and area of ministry.

This chapter deals with our individual giftedness and how that is manifested in our congregations.   Let’s talk about it!

1.  What is your favorite area of ministry within the church and are you currently serving there?

2.  Which activities and ministries are you doing that fall outside your personal calling?

3.  Would you characterize your contribution to the body as exhilarating or exhausting?  Keep in mind that exhilarated exhaustion is not the same as burnout exhaustion. 

4.  If you are burned out, what are some of the reasons you’ve not yet stepped out of the fire?

5. Has caring for young children or perhaps aging parents caused you to grieve being unable to do more with the church? In what ways has the Lord confirmed caregiving is the ministry ordained for you in this season?

I’m looking forward to hearing your answers on this one!  To thank you for your participation, I’m going to give away two more copies of the book for those of you who don’t yet have it.  Simply leave a comment telling us if you are hoping to win one for yourself or your pastor’s wife.  I’ll announce a winner on Thursday.

I’ve not been ignoring you on purpose. Truth is I’ve been really busy forgiving that big orange orb in the sky after being mad at it for neglecting these parts for the better portion of three months. We’ve kissed and made up now that I’ve officially been able to wear flip flops two days in a row. Now watch it turn cold because I became overconfident in the sun’s love for me.

I’ve also been doing lots of other exciting things such as cleaning and organizing all of the bedrooms along with their respective closets. Not that you could tell it if you came over today but the satisfaction remains. Is it just our family or are little girls one thousand times slobbier than little boys? When I opened her closet and looked under her bed, I literally had to stop and ask Jesus for the strength to bless and not curse. If Hoarders runs out of case studies, I can totally hook them up.

There’s so much more to tell. Luke got The Girl a rabbit – a heartbreak waiting to happen. We aren’t the greatest animal people. We are also celebrating our 20th anniversary this week. And drumroll please….We are officially building a house. A fabulous anniversary gift indeed. I’ll speak more to that later. But for the record and to dispel rumors that I continue to hear – I did not get rich from writing a book – there is no money for a first time author in writing a church resource book – and Luke has no intention of ever leaving ministry and living off my wealth. Were he to do that, you could visit us living in a box on the corner. Or maybe a series of boxes if I ever write another book.

I started to apologize for chasing that rabbit and realized, WAIT, now I literally can! Because I needed yet one more to run after!

Good grief, we got some book discussion to do.

Okay, I just loved reading through all of your responses about conflict. So much wisdom there. It’s also evident there are some very raw emotions churning in some of us. For you girls who are currently hashing through some hard things, please know I am praying over you and that I get it. Boy do I get it. What I also get, however, is that no matter how hurtful Christ’s people can be, the privilege of serving His Bride is always, always worth it. As my brilliant husband often states it, we’ll get ticked off at the cashier at Walmart for being rude but that doesn’t keep us from going back. What does it say about us when we are quicker to withdraw our hearts from church than we are a big box store that doesn’t even have polenta when we need it and schedules square dances smack in the middle of the aisle the week before Christmas?

Clearly, I have Walmart issues.

Where were we? Chapter Five? YES! I Can Have BFF’s in the Church Pews!!

Here are a couple of things we’ll talk about this week:

1. On pg. 114, I talked about ‘Balancing Your Five’. Describe your circle of friends and how they fit into the categories suggested.

2. What has been your experience in having bff’s at church? If it was ugly, please don’t dishonor anyone but tell us what you learned in the process. If it has been great, throw out some ideas as to why you feel your friendships have been successful.

3. Are you a blogger or blog reader? Share how online friendships have helped you connect with other ministry wives. If you haven’t connected yet, check out the Married to the Ministry blogroll here at this site. You’ll never be lonely again.

I consider all of you my bff’s and have loved getting to know you in this way! Don’t forget when signing in for this week’s discussion to note your name, location, and area of ministry. Looking forward to hearing from you on this one!

Before we get rolling, I want to be sure to say once again that you are always free to jump in the discussion at any time whether you’ve participated at all or randomly. 

So, yeah.  Church can hurt.  I don’t want to sound flip but I need to let y’all know up front that I am one who deals with painful/complicated things in a private way and will then try to smile my way through it in public.  Healthy, right?  My therapist thinks so, too.  If I seem like I’m not laid low by the heartbreak we’ve experienced in ministry, it’s for two reasons:  a) I refuse to be.  b) If I were I probably couldn’t tell you in this format.

Vague much?

With that said, if you’ve read the book you heard me tell about a heart-wrenching ministry experience (p. 87-90) that at the time was very painful.  However, I wouldn’t trade that experience for anything and I mean ANYTHING because it literally saved us later when we saw a similar situation begin to rear it’s ugly head again.  We wouldn’t have known how in the world to stop it in it’s tracks had the same scenario not played out from beginning to end once before.

What I want to encourage you with today is the knowledge that NOTHING you will undergo as a shepherd of the church is a wasted suffering.  We are refined through persecution and we are perfected by learning that we are sometimes the ones in the wrong. As impossible as it may seem, as much as you are able, embrace the ugly. God speaks through it all, girlfriends. Luke and I wouldn’t be even one fraction as capable ministers if it weren’t for the mileage of misery. We want to be shocked by people and their actions but the truth is, when Satan is in the mix, anyone is capable of anything – even the family serving behind the pulpit. Knowing that, we can be aware of his schemes to divide the body and hopefully head his forked tail off at the pass.

I want to keep today’s discussion positive without ignoring the fact that many of you may be in the midst of hot controversy even as we speak.  Here are a couple of questions to consider.  You are free to elaborate but try to keep the length manageable:

1.  What lessons have you learned in your most current season of church conflict that have made you and your hubby better servant leaders?   What methods of forgiveness did you employ?  Did you realize your own mistake and make amends? 
2.  If you are still embittered because of a painful church experience, state as succinctly as possible why you’ve been unable to move forward. If you aren’t currently in a mess, speak encouragement in your comment to a sister who is.
3.  Anything in particular resonate with you from this chapter?

Thank you girls for hanging in with me!  Oh, how I’d love to have these conversations in a coffee shop with you somewhere. In the meantime, consider yourself hugged.

It is impossible for me to express to you how much I want to reach through this screen and – as we say in the South – hug your necks! One of the key parts of identifying yourselves at the beginning of your comments is getting a really rounded impression of your personality in both life and ministry. The fact that most of you are challenged in the area of biblical sobriety endears me to you even more. Truly we were all separated at birth on that point!

I laughed out loud when Patricia shared about her ‘hanky covering’ for her skirt and the wiping off of her lipstick by a church mother. Forget sobriety, I’m afraid diabolical would have taken over my reaction on that one. Patricia, you are one precious woman for being so gracious for so long!

Amy – I particularly loved your sharing your hubby’s thrill at figuring out he could coordinate and execute a youth event on his own. You gave him room to prove he was worthy of respect which, interestingly enough, leads right into the topic of this week’s discussion: MINISTRY MARRIAGE!

There are many reasons I wrote this book but one of the main ones was to provide a proactive tool for all of us to be stronger, more confident women who are capable of shouldering the many pitfalls of ministry. Hear this: God called your man with your strengths in mind. He knew we could do this thing, now it’s time for us to know it, too! This is important because if we are falling apart at home, then that hubby of ours is going to have an awfully hard time focusing on the Kingdom Work for which he has been set apart.

With that in mind, let’s talk about the health of our marital relationships.

1. Give a brief State of Your Union. What word best characterizes the health of your marriage?

2. How have ministry-related pitfalls (*see pp.73-82 for common culprits) contributed to the strength and/or weakness of your relationship?

3. If you marriage is strong, please give a word of encouragement/advice to those who may be struggling. If yours is strained, please ask questions we can perhaps answer or feel free to share how this community can pray for you in this season.

4. What part of this chapter resonated with you most? A quote? An idea? A scripture?

Okay, girls, you know the drill! Sign in with name, area of ministry, age, and state. And if you are just joining us, it’s never too late to jump in on the discussions! Chime in at any time! If you still don’t have a copy of the book, there is a link in my sidebar with retail/online purchase locations.

Thank you again for sharing in this experience. It’s priceless!

I will post the Discussion Questions for this week tonight. If you haven’t responded to Weeks One and Two, feel free to catch up while you are waiting! I’m LOVING walking through these chapters with you!

I had fully intended on having a couple of posts between last week’s discussion and this week’s for those of you who aren’t in the least bit interested in the subject.  Truth is I have been on a little computer fast in preparation for a conference I taught in Texas this weekend.  It was such a great time and I’ll tell you a bit more about that tomorrow, but today is Tuesday which means time for Week Two!

Your enthusiasm for this group has blown me away.  Mindy from Colorado, you are precious!  Freshly-called ministry wives, I wish I could hug each and every one of you!  Our little group is made up of girls from all over the US as well as Brazil, Canada, and Australia. (This is not a scientific observation so forgive me if I missed you!)  I am just so happy!  Can you tell?!  Do the exclamations give it away?!!!

I have absolutely loved reading through all your answers and learning that I’m not the only one who never dreamed she would end up a minister’s wife.  When I graduated from high school, I was determined to move to either New York or Chicago and live in one of those adorable brownstones.  I never wanted to get married and certainly didn’t want kids.  They got on my nerves.  Men and kids.  So to think the Lord plucked me as a brand from the fire (Zechariah 3), clothed me in righteousness, and then set me back down in a teeny town with a pastor husband and a house full of kids is hysterical to me.  Don’t dare ever tell me that God doesn’t have a sense of humor! (And wow, WHO KNEW so many of you were called of God to marry ministers as young women and then aligned your dating/marriage decisions to that call?  I’m SO praying that one over my little girl. )  I also cracked up at Patty’s tree-through-the-roof that caused her family to surrender to ministry.  Isn’t it just like God to pound us until we listen? 

I also appreciated your honesty when sharing which area of Sarah’s example resonated with you the most.  Trust is my big one too, y’all, but I can’t tell you one single time when God led us to a place where we found Him either absent or unfaithful.  The one who fills all space and time is there waiting for us to step into the place He has already prepared for us to occupy. 

You girls have no idea how I wish we could be sitting in a room together hashing this out face-to-face.  Unfortunately, that can’t happen today so let’s get on with the next questions from Chapter Two:  I Can Still Wear Cute Shoes!  This chapter head became the title for the book after much discussion between myself and the publisher.  I think for all of us, this imagery summed up the message of the book – I am safe being the me God created. 

Question One:  I shared in Chapter Two how I had a complete identity crisis when Luke was called to ministry and that it played out in my closet.  How did clothing play a part in your role as a minister’s wife?  Were you tempted to change your style?  Why or why not? 

Question Two:  Pages 51-57 speak about several character qualities that all Christian women should exhibit but perhaps more so the woman in servant leadership.  Which of these areas are more difficult for you to master?  (Winsome, Sober, Faithful, or the temptation to sometimes be Diabolical) 

Question Three:  Name one one specific area in which you feel intense pressure to be or do something contrary to your personal giftedness.   Please try to be concise with this question because I know it’s a biggy!

Can’t wait to meet back with you next week!  Remember to begin your answers with name, age, area of ministry, and state for identification.

To the dear lay people who have opted to join us in this discussion:  You have no idea how thrilled I am that you are here!  In my years in the church one thing of which I’m convinced is that we can not operate independently of one another and expect our relationships to thrive.  I hope this outlet will be a forum of sorts where we can gain some mutual understanding on our perceptions of life inside the stain-glassed windows. 

One last note before we get started.  If you didn’t sign the roll call that by no means keeps you from this Discussion!  Join along anytime you can.  Our discussion for Week One will take place in the comments of this post.  You will have until next Tuesday to log your responses here before next week’s assignment.  Capiche?  Also, for ease of identifying one another, be sure to begin each comment with your name, area of ministry/layperson, age, and state.  I hope that will be an aid in our recognizing each other more fully each week.   Also, if you don’t yet have your copy, there is a link in my sidebar with online/store front locations where it is available.

Let’s get to it!

Today we are going to cover Chapter One – His Calling Is My Calling, Too.  In it I shared a great deal of Luke’s and my backstory in how God rescued our marriage and then planted our feet in ministry.  Girlfriends, I could have written a whole book on that alone so know that I exercised great restraint to fit it in a couple pages.  I love to hear the stories of surrender from you. 

QUESTION ONE: 

Ministry Wives:  Give a brief background on how the Lord called you to ministry.  Did you always know you would be a minister’s wife?  Were you happy about it?  Not? 

Lay People:  Have you personally witnessed the working of the Lord on a couple’s life and their subsequent call to service?  What were some of the things you recognized in the couple that caused you to believe they would be called out?

The next portion of this scripture uses the relationship of Abraham and Sarah as the backdrop of how our own callings should be characterized.

QUESTION TWO: 

Ministry Wives:   Which of characterizations most resonated with you?  (Called to trust, participate, or hope?) 

Lay Wives:  How did these areas apply to your own marriage relationships?

I’m going to leave it at these questions today since the answer to #1 could be lengthier.  Feel free to call out anything else in this first chapter that really stuck with you.

Again, thank you for playing along.  I absolutely can not wait to take this road trip with you!