Audience of One

Before I get started, you may want to buckle in. This one is a little longer than usual.

I mentioned I went to Granbury, Texas this past weekend to teach a retreat the Lakeside Girls had themed Audience of One. To say the Lord messed me up over this one would be an understatement but in order to explain fully, I’ll need to back up a bit.

My church’s annual retreat was 2 weekends ago. I taught from James 1 which we all know is not for the faint of heart but I knew beyond all doubt that was supposed to be my text. Those of you who know me well understand I’m not one to blame the devil for every failure – I can fail just fine on my own thank you – but never in all my time of teaching have I ever felt so oppressed or dark or unable to communicate the thoughts that were on the paper right in front of me. I’ll never know on this side of heaven what war was being waged but in an inexcusable nutshell, I blew it.

My disappointment in myself was overwhelming. I have an undying affection for my church girls and we always have such a great time together. I never feel I can do enough to return what they do for me so this weekend is my token of love to them. I want to be sure their time is as fulfilling as it can be from the accommodations to the food to the Word. It’s important to me for my favorite people to feel they’ve really heard from God and had some fun in the process. I don’t know about them, but for me personally I normally leave exhausted but exhilirated. That make sense?  This time I just left exhausted and defeated because I felt I’d let them down.  All I wanted to do was go home and quit and buy a retreat in a box for next year. (Still considering that, actually.)

That said, before The Major Fail, I fully expected to float right out of that conference and into the next. And the next was huge to me, too. The group of women I was going to serve had entrusted their first ever women’s conference to me. As if that weren’t enough, the queen of my iPod and our church cd player, Nicol Sponberg (Selah!), was going to be leading worship. But no pressure, really.

On the way home, between sobs, I said to the Lord, “If there was ever a weekend I needed to go in on a high, it’s this one.”  You want to know what He said?  “Child, if there is ever a weekend when I needed you to go in on a low, it’s this one.”

You see, I was to teach on the Redemption and Ransom of God.  Pure love stuff, y’all, straight from Isaiah 43:1-4.  What I realized is that it has been some time since my heart has really been broken and that I’ve sensed His flat out, extravagant, scandalous love toward me.  I’ve come to know that God allowed whatever was going on the previous weekend to be a set up for what He wanted to work in me for the next.  I told the Texas girls that perhaps the Lord knew my home girls would forgive me for stinking it up whereas they would not. 

I can’t even begin to describe the past couple of weeks with my God.  He has been so tender and has met me on the pages of His Word every single day to the point of being ridiculous.  There are many things I could share but I have to tell you this one story.

Driving home from my church retreat, in the midst of all the snot-slinging, as clearly as I’ve ever felt the Lord speak to me He told me to fast Diet Dr. Pepper.  “Are you kidding me?” I asked.  He wasn’t.  “How long, Oh Lord?” I cried.  “I’ll let you know”, He said.   End of conversation.  So, I laid down that most wonderful tonic and straight away went into detox tremors.   

During that following week (the one prior to leaving for Texas), every time I jones’d for a Dr. P I would cry to Him to give me strength and fill me in a different way.  And He did.  Praise Him, He did.  I’ve never been aware of Him so much as I was during that time, so much so that I’d begun to think that maybe it’d be okay if He just took them away forever.

Here’s the cool part though.  I met up with my wonderful hostesses, Nell and Lou, at the airport.  I was staying in Nell’s home so while at lunch she asked what I liked to drink.  I said, “Diet Dr. Pepper” without explaining my fast.  She then explained to me that she had been to the grocery store without an idea in the world what I liked and when her eyes settled on the Diet Dr. Pepper a voice said, “She is a Diet Dr. Pepper girl”.  I just have one word for you: 

RELEASED!

He said He would let me know and that was my sign, girlfriends.  But let me tell you the craziest thing.  I have drank a few since then but in a way I can not explain, even though they are still delicious they are not nearly as satisfying.  Once you’ve tasted the Living Water it’s hard to go back to aspartame and formaldehyde.  Amen?

Here are a few pictures from Granbury:

A bunch of crazy people.  It’s always sad for me to leave a group knowing I may never see the women I bonded so quickly with again.  Will y’all come see me in Alabama so we can laugh some more?

Precious Kathy! Her husband is the Children’s Pastor at Lakeside. If we all had 1/10th of Kathy’s energy Red Bull would go out of business. Love you, girl!

Y’all, this woman. I really prayed I wouldn’t act like a goober when I met Nicol but she is so amazingly humble and unassuming you couldn’t get starstruck if you tried. She and hubby Greg were so fun and ministering alongside them is a gift I won’t ever forget. They shared about losing their sweet 10-week-old son, Luke, to SIDS and Christ’s strength through their brokenness was something to behold.

Doing her thing. Effortlessly and beautifully. And would y’all check out that stage? Lakeside Girls have decorating skillz.

Heidi, me, Nicol, and Gina. Heidi was the mastermind behind the graphic design. Amazing! Gina is the Sr. PW at Lakeside. I want to raid her closet. She’s over the top in all the good ways.  And will y’all please tell Nicol and me that our legs look long?  We were trying not to look stubby scrunched up on the steps. 

So, it took all that to say thank you Lakeside Girls.  You ministered to me more than I ever could have you.  The same thanks goes to my home girls.  You are my safe place and ones whom I know will overlook my flakiness and faults.

March 10, 2010 | Filed Under Event Recaps | 17 Comments 

Who Says You Can’t Go Home?

There is never a time that I presume to teach the Bible that my heart isn’t racing or my armpits squirting. It’s really not so much that I’m scared of the people or being on the stage though that does play a small part. It’s being accountable for what I’m teaching. Being afraid that my thoughts won’t resonate. Ultimately being afraid that in my humanity I’ll just flat out blow it. And believe me, I’ve blown a lot. That particular fear used to cripple me in the voices of self-condemnation when I was finished. “You are an idiot. I can’t believe you said that! I can’t believe you forgot to say this! Why do you do this to yourself when it’s not even necessary?”

At one point I really considered laying down the whole calling until the Lord reminded me in prayer, “Lisa, those accusations are coming to you in third person.” And when I thought about it, He was totally right. When The Voices are in full volume, the thoughts were not me saying, “I am not enough”. It is always YOU are not enough. The Lord helped me to recognize that it was the Accuser inflaming my flesh and using it against me in the form of pride. Now maybe that doesn’t sound like pride but the Lord taught me that if I’m focused on ME either being more than or less than worthy, pride is still present. I had a stronghold of reverse pride and even though it still threatens to dig its claws back into me often, the Lord and I have come a long way in beating it back to the praise of His glory. There is so much freedom in doing what you love – even if I am scared to death – and then trusting Him with the outcome.

All that is back story in telling you that reverse pride reared its ugly head before teaching this past weekend at Oakwood Baptist’s Women’s Day. The reason? It’s the first time I have taught back home in front of high school friends who knew me in life B.C. – Before Christ. I knew several who would be there and because it was my hometown, I imagined I’d be surprised by others due to the size of the church and its reach in the community.  Luke and I have been gone for years and in my mind, I’ve always believed the Lord took us far from it so we may actually be free to minister to those who didn’t have some preconceived idea of who we were.  It’s the whole ‘prophet has no honor in his hometown’ mentality I suppose.  Though the thought never really formed in my mind, somehow I believed I’d never be asked to go back.

I literally sobbed before the Lord because the full circle gravity of the moment wasn’t lost on me at all. Like Jonah I’m sure I cried, “Lord, can’t you send someone else?” But over and over in my spirit I felt Him say, “Lisa, it’s time. In fact, it’s overdue.” But then The Voices started, “They won’t hear a thing you say because all they’ll be thinking about is Old Lisa. They will laugh at you.” I tried to take comfort in knowing there were people there whose hearts were for me. But, the whole thought of being jeered threatened to take me down.

Maybe I’m being too honest with you here but I feel the need to praise the Lord as one who delivers the exact opposite response than the ones our fears set us up to believe is coming. The ones that often cause us to avoid adventuring into the unknown because we live as though the thing we are most afraid of is already a reality. My imaginations already had people laughing at me and imagining how I’d steel myself to protect my heart (definitely Old Lisa mentality) days before we laid eyes on one another.

And it was lies! All lies! And I almost succumbed to them. Had it not been for some special girls praying for me, I would have. Turns out, I couldn’t have been more wrong. Satan couldn’t have been more wrong though I’m presuming he knew that already. The day was one of my favorite on record. I met new friends – Lisa Eason and Oakwood ladies, your ministry is amazing. Robert and Carrie, your worship is reverent and lifted my heart straight to heaven. I saw some blog friends from Hurt Road Baptist (love you girls for coming all the way from Atlanta!). I saw friends who didn’t know me when but who have walked many years with me: Cindy, I love you and I needed you there more than you know. And then I saw many of my old friends and acquaintances. Shame on me for allowing myself to think that you would be less than the wonderful women of God that you are. I blame it all on the devil. Dern him.

Here are my friends Diana and Kristi. Our husbands used to be drinking buddies before the Lord rescued us all from ourselves and placed us all in various forms of ministry. (Kristi is the Women’s Ministry Director at Oakwood’s Gateway Campus where this event took place.) Man does God have a sense of humor:

oakwooddianakristi

By the way, Diana makes these fabulous bead necklaces with personalized charms. She blessed me with one that is BEAUTIFUL but my camera battery is dead so I’m showing you one from her gallery. (Want one? Leave me a note in comments and I’ll hook you up.  OR you can message her on Facebook at Diana Newell Dotson.)

oakwooddiananecklace

A crowd shot. This church campus takes up the better part of a mall in Ringgold, GA.

oakwoodcrowdshot

Some of my old buddies. Lisa is on the left. We were best friends in high school and I’m so happy after all these years we’ve been able to rekindle our friendship. Michelle is to my right. We were also besties back in the day. Then there’s sweet Wendy. She was actually one of Luke’s best friends since their families used to spend a crazy amount of time together. I’m dying for the two of them to get to see one another. They have the most fun stories. I love all of you and appreciate your encouragement more than you can possibly comprehend.

oakwoodhsgirls

Thank y’all for allowing me to tell you more stuff than you really wanted to know.

It was cathartic.

Allow me to end with the spiritual lyrics of  my boy Jon Bon Jovi:

It doesn’t matter where you are, doesn’t matter where you go
If it’s a million miles aways or just a mile up the road
Take it in, take it with you when you go
Who says you can’t go home?

Turns out, you can.

January 18, 2010 | Filed Under Event Recaps | 17 Comments 

Fun in Oneonta!

As long as I live I won’t ever get over thanking the Lord for allowing me the privilege of teaching His Word to a some of the most adorable women EVER. In a strictly hypothetical sense, you would think there would eventually be a group that you wouldn’t be smitten with, but so far, hasn’t happened. Women are just fabulous wherever you go. In Saturday’s case, it was Mary Snyder’s church girls in Oneonta, AL who congregated at the COUNTRY CLUB no less. We are bona fide, indeed.

An added bonus were the familiar faces of Siestaville who trekked through the blizzard to attend. Here’s a couple of pics….some mine, some stolen:

1. Mary, Robyn, and Cathy having a post-meal at the local Mexican restaurant.

lisamarycathyrobyn

2. Nikki finally taught me the fine art of auto-photography. I always chop off my head.

lisaannanicole

3.  Dedra Herod and her bff Karen who is adorable and I love her !

January Mary's Church Thing 009

4. Mary and her daughter, Charity. I think she was a little concerned her mom’s computer friends would be weird. She had every right to be. They are.

Mary and Charity

5. Love these faces!

oneonta girls

6. My girl Robyn.

robynlisa

7. Cathy Davis and Anna Nicole.

cathy and anna nicole

My friends Stacy and Charlotte also came over from Ranburne. It was great seeing you! Mary and girls, thanks again for entrusting this time to me.

My heart is full.

January 9, 2010 | Filed Under Event Recaps | 11 Comments 

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