So, I will “introduce” myself… better late than never, right?

Amy, Student Minister’s wife, 28, southern OK

Ouestion #1

I have a slight obsession with red shoes. I had a feeling that most PW’s did not wear red shoes. Therefore, I wore red shoes to every service for a long time, just to prove a point. I was NOT going to be the “typical” pastor’s wife.

I wear jeans in a church where many wear suits. In fact, many Sundays, you can find me in my favorite pair of dark-wash jeans (those red shoes!) sitting next to my husband… wearing his suit.

I like to think I’m a rebel, but I’m probably not. I absolutely never even considered changing my style simply because my husband changed his vocation. My style – red shoes an all – is a huge part of my identity, and one I was never willing to let go of, or tone down.

Fortunately, I am in a fantastic church where what I wear is not a focal point. In fact, the last time I wore my knee-high, high-heeled boots to church, my Senior Pastor’s wife (and dear friend and mentor) commented about how cute they were :D

Question 2
I am quite lovable (ask the Senior Adults in our church, lol!), and I have no problem being my (loud) self. (BTW, thank you so much for clearly defining “sober”!)

While I struggle with not liking a few people (because of their awful actions and treatment of people close to me), I’m not really diabolical. I abhor gossip, slander, and I detest those actions that strive to tear down the Body of Christ.

I struggle with being Faithful the most. I am pessimistic and cautious by nature; my husband is the exact opposite, so many times I have to be the realist in our relationship. I ask tons of questions, and rarely get excited at just the thought of serving in a new ministry. I see it as, “something else I have to do because I’m a PW.”

Not very nice, huh?

I, too, have had arguments over children going on mission trips with us, and every time, it has been a disaster (my girls were 3 months and 2 when they went on their first mission trip)… but most of that disaster was MY OWN ATTITUDE.

I AM working on it, though (in fact, you can see some of that in my latest post!).

Question 3
I feel intense pressure to be at every single event that a student is involved in. I feel this pressure from my husband, and from some of the other leaders in our ministry (not our Senior pastor or his wife!). I know I do not live up to the expectations of a few, including my husband.

For the last year and a half, I have been suffering from depression, anxiety, and major burnout. Some of it was my own doing.

I am a type-A, take-charge, like-to-be-in-control kind of gal; I always have been. After my husband and I married, I did all of his deejay work (other than the actual playing music part): I took the phone calls, I booked the events, everything. So, when “we” took on the youth ministry, we continued in the role of “Amy is in charge of everything, and Shane writes and delivers the messages.”

This went on for 4 years until a tumultuous summer where Shane decided HE wanted to be in control of the youth ministry, and I basically said that he didn’t have a clue how to run anything, let alone a ministry. (Did I mention I have a loud mouth?)

From that summer until very recently, I removed myself from 99 percent of youth activities. Where I once was on a first-name basis with all of the students, I barely know any of them now.

Did I need the break and the space? Yes. Did Shane (and myself, and everyone else who thought he couldn’t do it without me… there were lots of those people!) need to learn how to be a leader without me? Yes.

Did I go about it the right way? No.

My husband and I were at odds for over a year before we made up, and he allowed me to take some time away from the ministry. I am slowly making my way back into the ministry (gladly), but being cautious to not take on too much.

In fact, my husband recently handled a HUGE event all on his own (well, on his own without ME) without a stitch of help from me. After the event he was beaming, and he told me something I will never forget, “Amy, I can do it. I want your help from now on, but I don’t NEED it to get something done. I can do it on my own. And it feels so good to know that.”

And, I was beyond blessed and proud. Because I have known this for many months now. He just had to learn it on his own.

Oh my, I’ve written a book, and I’m off topic, too. (blushing).

I will just submit it now, and zip it! LOVING THIS SERIES!
Amy @ Amy Loves It!´s last blog ..Once a Week High School Lunch Ministry

#1: I married into full-time ministry and was always extra conservative in my dress; however, my style has changed over the last few years. :) I’ve never bought jeans with holes with them, but I’ve worn some of my jeans SO much (and crawled around on the floor chasing after my kiddos so much) that my favorite jeans now have holes in the knees…..and I LOVE wearing my “holy” jeans ;) I rarely wear them to church, but I often wonder what people think when they see a preacher’s wife out and about (in this very small town) wearing “holy” jeans.

#2: All the qualities mentioned in your book can be a challenge at times; however, I’ve found the most challenging thing for me is to not harbor bitterness toward those that hurt my husband. In our current church, there are those who are kind to me and shower my children with gifts but then talk negatively with others about my husband. It’s VERY difficult for me NOT to harbor bitterness toward these individuals. My thinking is…..”if you don’t appreciate my husband, then you’re definitely not going to appreciate me because we are one.” This is an area I must continually pray through.

#3: Being involved in WMU. We have such a small church, and I get the feeling that the last pastor’s wife was very involved in WMU (she was older and did not have young children at home). I don’t think some of these women remember how difficult it is to go a meeting with children in tow (and during naptime at that!). There is no childcare during our WMU meetings….and just between us, their meetings do not sound very fun or profitable (can I say that here????).
Tara´s last blog ..Sacrifice

Question 2: I’m not sure which one I am the most- I think I tend to be diabolical the most. I feel very strongly about certain things, and I know I can sway my husband to agreeing with me… I have to be very unbiased and listen before opening my mouth.

Question 3: Teaching! I am not gifted with leading any sort of study, whether it is for women or children. I don’t enjoy it, but somehow I keep getting guilted into leading these sorts of things. I dread times that I have to teach anything- it literally puts me in a cold sweat. I would much rather clean the bathrooms than lead a bible study (but lets not mention that to our church!)
Amanda´s last blog ..

Question 1-
I find myself wondering if I can still wear my sweatsuits on Sunday and Wednesday nights…I always have before but now I kinda feel like I should just do jeans…I really have no idea why other than I do feel like more eyes are on me now…I feel silly just writing it really because our church is so laid back as far as clothing is concerned…

Question 2-
I would have to say sober is more of a challenge for me. I do like to express how I feel but am tactful not to hurt others feelings. But, still people do get caught in the crossfire at times. One thing I have found in the last few weeks is that before if someone was *gossiping* complaining* ect… I would listen and get them to try to see the other side…now I find myself running for cover! I don’t even want to get involved by offering an ear and a word of encouragement. I think that we can be pulled into drama even by offering to just listen.

Question 3-
I would have to say I am put in the nursery ALOT! I run a daycare in my home and I do love children, I have 6 of my own.. I just feel that because my job requires that I am with children all day and then I have my own after school as well, I need to be involved in other areas of ministry. I work with little ones so much that I would like to have some adult conversations about the Lord and not so much playing with the little ones.
Shana Hensley´s last blog ..Where do I go from here?

1. I did not feel a need to change my style when I became a pastor’s wife. There are some Sunday evening worship services where I would rather wear jeans or shorts versus khakis or a skirt. Sometimes I have resorted to that and no one has ever said anything. If anyone had a problem with it, it would probably be someone from the older generation. Honestly I like to dress up to church and/or church events because I am home with kids all day almost everyday. I wear jeans six days a week and casual shirts or workout clothes. I am sure if I had an office job that required me to dress up Monday through Friday, I might feel differently.

2. Being sober is difficult for me. I am a very open person with a transparent personality. I wear my feelings on my sleeve. About a year ago I expoded at a committee meeting because I was really frustrated. I went back and apoligized and made things right. Since then I have learned to listen more than I talk and pause before I make a comment. At our last committee meeting, I behaved myself. But I was attacked. I had thought about confronting the person. You know everyone always preaches Matthew 18 in these situations. This particular person has a very strong personality and the fight to get her to see my point of view and/or apoligize is not the one I want to take on. I have come to the point of accepting people’s personalities for what they are. But I am seriously thinking of dropping this committee in a few months because I cannot handle getting attacked like this. Sometimes I get sick of having to be “the better behaved person” because of my position as the PW while still feeling like a target and getting attacked. Being a PW is very humbling and I asked God daily to give me a servant-like humble spirit.

3. I feel blessed that this church doesn’t put a lot of pressure on me to serve anywhere. They let me use my gifts where I want to. Even though I have a youth ministry degree and love young people, they have never pressured me to take over the youth program or even help with…in some ways it’s been the exact opposite. They know I have three small children and encourage me to pour my energy into that. I have felt pressured in the past to go to extra events with my husband like senior’s birthday parties, funerals, or visiting some of the elderly. I would love to be a part of some of this and someday I will. With three children under four who are home all day…it doesn’t always work.
Amy´s last blog ..33 years

Question One: I’ve not really changed how I look as the pastor’s wife. I’m a really conservative dresser, anyway (as far as skin showing goes), so that wasn’t an issue. I’m just not into clothes, so it’s not an issue for me. Maybe I should care more about how I appear, but as long as my clothes are neat and clean, that’s all that matters to me. We hav e a VERY laid back church — Nate preaches in jeans. So, not so much an issue here.

Question Two: I have a very sarcastic, kind of twisted sense of humor. So, being sober has been an issue for me. I also have absolutely no issue at all with saying precisely what I think and how I feel, so discretion is something I’m working on. Speaking the truth is good, but sometimes you don’t need to speak all the truth you see. Still working on that one!!

Question Three: Women’s ministry. I’m the exact opposite of the PP right before me! I love children’s ministry, and in fact would love to revamp our entire SS plan from the top down (and we’re meeting about that next week). I direct VBS and I LOVE it! But I don’t even particularly want to participate in a women’s ministry like the one the ladies at this new church would prefer. I would like to do a woman’s Bible study, but there is zero interest in that. So, with Nate’s permission, I have stepped out and someone else will either step up or the monthly dinner meetings will stop. My hubby is very big on insisting that I serve only where I’m called, and not outside what I’m intended to do.
Dana´s last blog ..Housekeeping, Day 2: Just do it

I’m late to the discussion, b/c of a crazy sick week last week, but I’m here! :)

No, I did NOT know my husband was going to be a pastor. In fact, he wasn’t saved when we got married! I was, and have been a Christian since birth (one of those raised in the church people). Nate wasn’t antagonistic toward the Lord, but he didn’t much like the church. Ironic, huh? Shortly after he came to the Lord, I asked him if he had ever thought about being a pastor. I’ve never known anyone to be so hungry and love spending time in the word so much!

My issue wasn’t with being a pastor’s wife, it was with the particular group of people who we are working with. There is a lot of history, and I had (and still have) some major concerns with trust and true dedication. Plus, I loved the church where we were serving and was really involved in the children’s ministry there. But it’s working out so far, so I guess I was wrong!

Dana
Dana´s last blog ..Housekeeping, Day 2: Just do it

Question 2: I think that all of the qualities mentioned in this section of the book can be a challenge for me at times. I especially LOVED what you said on Page 59 : “…one thing they wish the congregation knew is that their husband doesn’t tell them everything” . This really resonated with me as this seems to be something I deal with continually in our small church. I find myself being tempted at times to be diabolical. I have found it annoying at times when a well intending member of the congregation will “ask my permission” to do something in the church kitchen or want to know what to do with the decorations in the sanctuary. I have learned to laugh about it and find it amusing that as the Pastor’s wife, these things I just must simply know, in their opinion!!! :)

Question 3: If I had to choose one area that I feel pressured to serve outside of my giftedness, it would be in the area of Children’s Ministry. My heart is completely sold out for the area of Women’s Ministries, and just the thought of doing Children’s ministry makes me want to turn tail and run the other direction!! In our small church, the Children’s activities are mostly ran by the older ladies that have felt called to do so. However, there are times when unspoken inferences arise, and I can almost feel them wondering why someone younger, like the Pastor’s wife isn’t leading the children!! I am sure most of this is in my own head, and no one has ever verbalized it to me or to my husband, so maybe I just need to not be so paranoid!!! LOL