Survey: Can a Ministry Wife be
BFF’s With a Church Member?
I want to thank you girls who continually weigh in on the surveys here that I’m relying upon heavily to write my book, “Married to the Ministry”! (David C. Cook – 2009) Several of you have emailed asking how the writing is coming along. In way of a status update, I can tell you I’ve completed 4 chapters with 5 to go. However, I’ve been asked to move my deadline up a few weeks which both thrills me and scares me to death at the same time. I basically have 10 weeks to write 5 chapters so if you notice I blog even less than usual or that it takes me 3 weeks instead of 2 to answer emails, well, now ya know why.
With all seriousness, I covet your prayers more than you can imagine. I have no doubt that God ordained this direction of ministry. Publishing a book is a dream come true but more than that it is a confirmation of the promise of Philippians 2:13 “for it is God who works in you to will and to act according to his good purpose.” I WANT to glorify God in the written word, but it is the ACTING I have a hard time with. Focus is so very hard when you are trying to complete something that seems darn near impossible all while doing the best you can not to shut out the family God gave as my priority. There is no possible good I can ever do anyone in the name of ministry that will be more important than wife-ing and mothering well. So, if you will pray, could you just ask God to give me passion equal to the task? That my heart would not fail? That my kids and husband would never realize I’ve written a book in these coming months because I was PRESENT with them and not always thinking about some bit of research or commentary?
I thank you.
Now, down to business with the next survey.
Can a Ministry Wife be BFF’s With a Church Member?
What is your perception on having friendships within the church? What is hard about it? What is easy? Ever had a bad experience when impure motives surfaced with someone who wanted to befriend you? Have your friendships ever been criticized by others in the congregation?
Do you think a minister’s wife should have close friends in the congregation? Do you feel her family shows favoritism? Any negative experiences based on these types of relationships?
As always, I’m sure you can think of more angles than what I’ve presented so feel free to express all your opinions here even if they don’t fit the question. I can’t wait to read your thoughts. I’ll respond after a couple of days!
My husband and I have been in full time ministry for 16 years. Our church has grown from roughly 180 people when we first came to about 6000 now on the weekends. Interestingly, the friendship dynamic for me has not changed with the size of the church. It has, and I think it will always be WEIRD!!! I have found myself in a myrad of groups that have blown a fuse becuase of issues that inevitably come up that deal with my husband’s area of ministry. Seriously, this is CRAZY! I am a regular person. I think I’m pretty nice, friendly, easy to get along with. Unfortunately, this has happened over and over again. I’ve grown with grace over time, and the last group I was a part of truly was the best group of friendships I have developed. I loved each of them dearly. I found myself having to defend my husband and his team during one of our small group meetings, and that was that. No one ever wanted to come back. I was fair. I was kind. I was loving. (I’m not saying I’m perfect.) It’s just weird. These were my best friends, but they could not deal with the fact that I had to stick with my husband on points they passionately disagreed. What frustrated them even more was the nerve I had to talk to my husband about these issues. They all knew Rob and I have no secrets whatsoever. I think it just hurt them when the topic of our conversation was them.
I miss my friends. It kills me.
I want to try again, but I’m not so sure.
So,there’s all my guts. Sorry!
I really do try to keep a sense of humor about my life as a Pastor’s wife. There are some seriously funny moments. I think God gives us these to get us through the hard stuff.
I have had trouble in the past with thinking that people were our (my youth pastor husband and my self) mjust to find out later that they were talking about confidential things that were shared behind our backs. It is hard to find true friends in church. I do not want to sound jaded, however when you have been hurt several times with the same issue it is hard not to be. i think no matter what ministry you are in leadership of in church, everyone tries to get close and it is hard to trust people and find that “real” friendships in the midst of them.