Mom: The Hater of Small Children and Puppies

After our church’s Easter Service, The Preacher, myself, and the 4 kids went to the in-law’s about an hour away for a good ‘ole Southern Easter Lunch. It was a wonderful afternoon complete with Fruit Pizza (my favorite dessert ever), an egg hunt, and 8 new puppies my sis in law is trying to give away. That is when the trouble began.

The children fell in love with one of the puppies. Now, never mind they have a beagle at home that is the sweetest animal that ever lived which never gets the attention or food she deserves. Nope, they want something a little fresher, a little cuddlier. Needless to say, the preacher and I said a swift “no way” as we proceeded to load the kids in the Suburban to head back home.

We got into the car to the sound of wailing like has never been heard outside of a Middle Eastern funeral…so if you need paid mourners at your next graveside event, I have just the kids for you. Squid and Big Daddy (#2 boy(9 yrs) and #3 boy (7 yrs) lost their ever-loving minds over not getting to take home a puppy. The conversation that followed was something like this:

Big Daddy: (through screaming and crying) You are just a FAKER. You said you thought those puppies were cute. If you thought they were cute, you’d let us have one. Since you didn’t, you don’t think they are cute so you are a FAKER.

Me: (stunned silence as I stare at the Preacher for help)

Squid: (In the best Nancy Kerrigan WHY cries ever) Whyyyyy won’t you let us have one??? WHHHYYYYY???? We play with Daisy (the beagle) all the time…YOU KNOW THAT WE DO!!!

Me and Preacher: (equally speechless, staring at each other with mouths dropped open at this point)


Okay, there are a couple of responses that would have been appropriate here:

Number One: A good ole fashion butt bustin’ for all the parent dissin’ going on, or possibly
Number Two: A theological speech on gratitude for what we have instead of grief over that which we do not.

At the risk of showing my continued qualification for membership in the ‘Loser Mom’ club, I must tell you we chose options three and four.

Three: Make a cell phone video of your children acting like total morons and text it to sis in law to thank her for offering the puppies to the children and let her laugh with us over all the wailing going on..:)) (It’s okay LB, really..haha) -and-

Four: Turn on the song by Toby Mac “Stories- We all Got Em” Sing at the top of your lungs to drive your children crazy while doing the hand motions when appropriate. The song goes like this:

“We’ve been down to the bottom,
Stories we’ve got em
when we’ve hit rock bottom,
So if you’ve been there
Put your hands in the air
To let the lost know that somebody cares”
So here is your visual:

The preacher and I singing loudly and badly with our hands in the air making fun of the crazy Prozac deprived children who are still screaming like lunatics because we are fakers and we don’ t love them because we didn’ t take home a puppy.

Big Daddy is throwing Easter eggs at the Preacher and me (while we are laughing hysterically)from the very, very back seat of the Suburban while he is yelling, “you don’t love us and you just fake it all!!!”

Squid is kicking the back of the seats hollering, “leave us alone…ya’ll are so mean!!! You know I play with Daisy and I feed her when you aren’t looking!”

Princess (baby girl – 4 years) is pleading in her princessy voice “could everyone just be quiet? My ears are hurtin’ back here!”

Einstein (oldest boy – 11 years) Dodging flying easter eggs as he sits in silence contemplating what has just happened in our vehicle.

So for those of you who are saying, “surely those kids got a whoopin'” …Oh yeah, and bed early too. I should also say on my kids’ behalf this behavior was totally uncharacteristic of them which is why we were totally blown away about what to do…But I thought I’d share so the next time you are driving down the road in relative silence, you could think of our car rides and say a prayer of thanks for what it could be like…

I know there are spiritual implications crawlin’ all over this..I was frankly too tired to connect all the dots…Feel welcome to do that in the comments..:))

Have a great Monday!