Because who can resist the sight of themselves wearing a bathing suit in a three way mirror…?
I was in Walmart yesterday and decided to torture my winter-bloated, melanin-deprived self by trying on swimsuits. I suppose I did this because I wasn’t yet convinced I was not beautiful after the last attack on my esteem by my darling 4 year old daughter. Anyway, I chose three suits that were just a bit more ‘hip’ than the one I purchased immediately after giving birth to my 11-year old son. I have told myself for 11 years I would not buy another bathing suit until I lost 15 lbs therefore, because I do love my McDonald’s double cheeseburgers, I am still wearing it.
I found three fetching little tankinis that I was relatively sure would hang low enough to cover the baby bump. That would be the 4-year-old baby bump that does not actually house a baby. So, as we were heading to the dressing room, my daughter spotted a fairly large clothing rack and said, “Hey mom..Behind those clothes over there looks like a pretty good place where no one will see you.”
Now. We have been clothes shopping together plenty of times before but I don’t remember that we have ever been in the dressing room at Walmart. We reserve our dressing room visits to Kohl’s which happens to be the single most awesome semi-department store to ever be created. So apparently, my little princess thought that since she had never seen a dressing room at Wal-mart that I would just shuck my duds in the least crowded corner and no one would ever know the difference. I wonder if there is a special Walmart intercom code for “Crazy Naked Lady on Aisle 4”?
After I assured her that no, not today or ever, would I be changing clothes in public at the Walmart we checked into the dressing room. I will spare you a play by play but I will tell you that while I was trying on the suits, my very loud little girl was exclaiming, “WOW Mom, THAT one will fit you because it is REALLY BIG. I mean REALLY BIG. And I know it will cover your big ‘ole bottom because, well look at it! It is REALLY BIG! Boy, is that a BIG ONE. That is the one you need momma. The Big One. The Really Big One. Cause it is Big.”
Would you be surprised if I told you I did not buy a bathing suit yesterday? I think I may try again in say, oh, another 11 years when it will no longer be necessary or appropriate for my daughter to be in the dressing room with me. Cause her mouth? It is a really Big One. I mean really Big.
Big – but adorable. :)
There can be no self image while raising children. I am lucky because having all boys, I don’t get those comments to much.
Now girls are so honest at that age, good gravy!!
Id leave her with your hubby and buy one by myself
the thing that really made me smile is that you have a baby bump that doesnt hold a baby I have one too
its nice to find someone else who has one
hugs for both of us
This is why I buy so many things on the sale rack or at Goodwill- that way if it looks crappy on me when I get it home, no harm done and I didn’t feel the pressure to visit the dreaded fitting rooms!!
Although, God willing, I will continue to loose more weight- I’ve been doing the Curves thing, and I plan to stick with it (it’s been about 8 months or so).
Gosh- I can just see what my kids would say about me- when that time comes!! Kohl’s is my favorite store too!!!!!!!!!!
Hahaha! What a great blog. I loved this entry! thanks for sharing the realities of having children who freely speak theri minds.
Ah, Humility, thy 4-year-old frame belies your kindness…
This is a funny post! You are cracking me up…but I’m with ya sista! I HATE trying on swim suits!
I still tell people I’m carrying around baby weight…and my son is 16!
Oh my goodness, that’s almost funny! :) My son has embarrassed me in public before too.
I am totally laughing out loud WITH you right now. You are a great writer by the way!
HA HA HA!! Your 4-year old and BooMama’s little man, and my little Boo would get along great – it would be LOUD, VERY LOUD, but great! :)
I have a baby bump in the front and back!LOL How could that have happened to me! Kids have a way of bringing you back down to earth, don’t they? When my children watch television, they tell me about all of those miracle diet pills on there and suggest that I buy them. Self-esteem, where are you?
Wow…I am still chuckling over that one…I dislike bathing suit shopping but for entirely different reasons…I hate bathing suits….I think I would hate it even more if I had to take my kids shopping with me…I would be wearing short shorts and belly showing clothing just so they could get a laugh at me!
I need to borrow her. I’ll let her ride her bike behind me while I walk and tell me how hugely massive my behind is! THAT should be great for motivation!
Hee,hee. That is hilarious. My oldest child (also 4, only male) seems to have that knack for yelling inappropriate questions and comments in the totally wrong places. Only in his case, I think he does it on purpose. Thanks for the laugh!
Aww, she sounds like a little character. :o)
I love Kohls too!
I think God should give us jewels in the crown for even TRYING on bathing suits. And…extra jewels for taking along a “helper” like your 4 y.o. :)
And…you’re right about Kohls. I’m trying to figure out a ministry I could do that would incorporate my love of Kohls and my love of Jesus, but it’s just not coming to me. Darn! :P
I sure could use her around every time I load up my plate! I would love to meet that girl! She is a HOOT!
Oh my goodness!! I am laughing with you and children are sooo painfully honest!! Praise you Jesus for giving me boys, they can’t go into the dressing room with me!! :o) One day I was complaining about being fat and my 16 year old son said, your not fat and I said, thanks but God says not to lie. He said you are perfect and if anyone insults you I’ll knock em’ out!! Lol!! I love children.
By the way, I love the Bible study and I agree with Amanda, you are a great writer.
My daughter is almost six and has yet to enter the world of “Incredibly Honest and Embarressing Statements.”
I am on pins and needles waiting for this to happen. Because the girl has all the ammunition she needs.
LOL, Lisa. With 11 kids, we’ve had our share of embarrassing ‘Candid Camera’ moments, but perhaps none told as well as yours! Sitting here laughing with you–thanks! I needed a smile today. I love how real you are, girlfriend!