Because Nothings Says Football Like a Cow Plop
Have I ever expressed to ya’ll my deep, abiding love for my small town? There is nothing better in the world than going to the grocery store and running into friends. Better still is the gentleman who still carries my bags to the car. He collects tips to buy groceries for families in need. Seriously, have you ever felt like you were doing ministry by tipping the bagboy? Do you even have bagboys?
Ours is also a town which still shuts down for the Friday night football games. Even if you don’t particularly like football or understand any of the ridiculous rules, well, that does not negate the fact that anybody who is any kind of patriot will be at the game whether your kid is on the team or not. If you want to take your love of community a bit further, you will also attend the Annual Community Picnic hosted by the Quarterback Club to encourage the players and get a free hamburger.
This year, to enhance the profitability of the Picnic, our illustrious Quarterback Club President and his entourage of equally cool dudes staged a Cow Plop. What is a Cow Plop you ask? Oh girl, if you have to ask the question you are going to love this.
Prior to the Cow Plop Event, tickets are sold for each labeled square on a grid which is marked out in a fenced enclosure. Then, an unsuspecting bovine is set loose on said grid to Plop. If the Cow Plops in your square, you win. $1000 to be exact. That is some profitable poop.
Now, I must tell you I got quite an education in the art of Cow Plopping. You see, it seems there is quite a bit of science involved in creating just the right kind of plop. A grass-fed, pasture cow apparently splatters just a little too much which I’m guessing would cause quite a problem in trying to determine a winner. So, instead, the cow must be penned up and fed oats to create consistency to the plop therefore resulting in one winner instead of say, oh, 14.
And here’s the greatest. There are Cow Plop Rules. They are as follows:
1. You may not coax the cow to your spot.
2. If the plop is on a line, the largest portion of plop wins.
3. If the plop appears to be evenly distributed between two lines, unless you are willing to weigh the plop yourself, the winnings are halved.
4. If the cow has not plopped by the time the picnic is over, a name will be drawn out of a hat to determine the winner.
With that said, the cow, she was ill. I mean really, go lock yourself in a small room and eat granola all day and see what that does for your digestive tract. She was one fiesty gal when she was let out of the trailer but she soon settled down and the waiting began. This picture doesn’t do justice to the number of people watching the event, but the aerial view seemed to be the most exciting.
Our girl didn’t take long to determine the winner and thankfully, there wasn’t any weighing and measuring involved. The excitement didn’t end there, however, as the cow was not ready to go back into the trailer. I must tell you this was my favorite part because I got to witness first-hand some Mad Cowboy Skilz that I did not know existed in our pal, JL. Dude, you and that precious wife of yours getting that cow up made me want to go put on my cowgirl boots and rope the nearest wild beast. I have one word for you, my friends: YippeeKyAye.
And a good time was had by all….well, umm, except our girl, The Cow. I am personally hoping her hard work and newfound fame will save her from the slaughterhouse.
However, in cow country, it is only realistic to expect this year’s plopper to be next year’s free hamburgers.
What Fun!!! But, who won?
Your home town sounds like something right out of a great book. Makes me miss my own home town where football is king and everybody who is anybody has thier own special spot on the bleachers.
Thanks so much for sharing.
Your story transports me straight back to my hometown during high-school. I admit, my town never took cow plopping to this extreme, but taking the new kid “cow-tipping” was a favorite joke…and the football games…oh, the memories.
Football is definitely KING here in lower Alabama in my town, but I must say, we have never had a cow plop raffle!!! THAT WAS HILARIOUS!!!
oh wow…. and i thought i was from redneck country.
they don’t do that kinda DOO where i come from!
I grew up in a small town! Yeah, I know what a Cow Plop is…LOL We’ve had a few of those on our baseball fields! (Too small of a town for Football) Our town usually closed down for Basketball games! Yep, they still have a bagboy too! I no longer live there though…I got a taste of “Big City” life and can’t quite shake the need to stay close to a City!
I don’t know what to say to that!
I have to say that I live here and I’d never heard of a cow plop until this one! I have participated in a greased pig race though!
Now I grew up in a tiny tiny town in south Mississippi, but I have never heard of cow plopping. Cow tipping, yes–cow plopping, no. That is by far the funniest thing I have ever heard of. I’m still in a small town and if the word spread, I’m sure they might just try it here too!
I want to come and live in your town. That sounds like sooo much fun!!!!
GIRL!!! I am cracking up at this one! And the way you described your small town makes me want to come visit it: bagboys and Friday night football! Sign me up … seriously!
I’m sorry I’ve been out of blogland so much. It’s still going to be low key until the beginning of September I’m afraid (when I get moved in). But I think of you and my heart always aches over getting to connect and read your blogs to learn! So know that I’m still cheering your wisdom and heart on. Hoping your getting a chance to sit still and be loved on for just you in the meantime…
love you girl!
I am really speechless….Oh I have to pass this post on to Mom she will LOVE IT. Being the city girl I am I am ……..speechless (and I think in a good way) HA!
Wait until I tell JL (my husband) that he made the headlines on your blog!!!! How awesome this that!!!! We had another rodeo at home yesterday with that girl (cow)! She is still feeling the effects of those oats!!LOL Anytime you feel the need to be a cowgirl, just call!!!
Oh….and that was my youngest cowboy’s cow he raised from the bottle. He received $10 from the guy who won the loot!! However, she was never given a name…any suggestions????
Have a Blessed Day!
Okay, I LOVE football and will watch ALMOST any team at any time…I have NEVER however, heard of a “Cow Plop”, but oh.my.word. how fun is that??? You can never, never move my friend. Your town is just too full of blog fodder!
This is one of my favorite posts of yours! I am cracking up. I am through and through a city girl and have no idea of these happenings. But I love it. I love your reflection on your town. It’s sounds so warm and inviting. I’m a pretty competitive gal, so I’d get really into this Cow Plop! :-)
Sooo funny! What a great fundraising idea! Thanks for sharing…sounds like good times. :)
Oh, this is too good. Mad cowboy skilz, too. Why don’t Hoosiers know about this fun pasttime?
Wow. This is so interesting that I shared it with my husband.
We live in a city (Seattle) and would love to live in a medium or small town. Or at least a suburb.
So I read him the entire post to see if he thought we might be small town folks.
He agreed that we would go to that cow plop and cheer said cow along.
Although I thought at first the “plop” part meant where she chose to lay down and take a snooze.
The actual plop part? Pretty gross.
And I would LOVE to live in a place where I knew ANYONE at the grocery store. In the six years we’ve lived here I’ve run into someone I know only twice – once at Target, once at Fred Meyer – and I was so excited!
Never in my life have I heard of a Cow Plop!! LOL