It’s no secret I have a strange sense of humor and the dorkiest things get me all kinds of tickled. Right now my favorite commercial is the one where the woman takes a cell phone away from her mother to keep her from texting and the grandma says, “O-N-Y-D!” (Oh No You Didn’t for all you totally uncool people who aren’t down with the lingo. Yo.) Cracks me up!!
I had my own ONYD moment with my 5 year-old daughter a couple of days ago. I had done something, can’t remember what now, that she considered ‘silly’. We then proceeded in a ‘who’s sillier’ game that went something like this:
Girl: “You’re sillier than this house.”
Me: “You’re sillier than the dog.”
Girl: “You’re sillier than the moon.”
Me: “You’re sillier than the universe.”
And then, she came up with the most effective shut-up of all time:
Girl: “Well remember you have that huge zit on your chin.”
ONYD? Oh yes, she did.
And what’s so bad is that I had no comeback. She doesn’t have any zits or cellulite and her momma doesn’t dress her in combat boots. Believe me, if I could have detected any visible flaw this kid was going down – but alas, there was none. So I stood there, completely dissed, forced to throw in the white towel in The Ultimate Mother-Daughter Smack Down.
Shortly thereafter, I used my defeat as motivation to train with Boy #2 for any future ‘Yo Momma’ matches that should occur. Oh no, I was determined that I would not go down again.
Don’t you dare tell him I told you, but #2 has a birthmark on his right hip. I’ve always told the kids that a birthmark is where an angel kissed them as they were born. Stupid I know but they get a kick out of it. Number Three boy makes fun of Two because of the birthmark on occasion and this scene played out in the kitchen:
#3: Haha, 2 has a birthmark on his boooo-tox. (What he calls a bottom)
#2: (Sounding exactly like Napoleon Dynamite) Be QUIET, that is so lame. Besides, mom said that’s where an angel kissed me.
#3: Then WHY did the angel kiss you on the booo-tox???
(Okay, here it is. Here it is. My amazing comeback!)
Me: Because the angel thought he was kissing his FACE!!! ahahahahahhahah
Oh, yes I did!!! Wasn’t that a good one?? I SLAY me!
I got SO many points with the boys for that one that no one has trashtalked me for days.
I have no idea why I just shared that with you other than a girl’s got to bask in what few glories she gets, agreed?
Mom’s still got it, kiddos.
Oh, yes I do. (OYID)
You’re killing me. I have the same sense of humor. I grew up with brothers, have a boy and 3 girls. And y girls have the same kind of humor. None of the frilly pink and gentle humor here!
I was laughing OUT LOUD-this was so hysterical!!! I would totally do the same thing, and my husband even agreed he could hear the words coming out of my mouth. Good for you getting in an ONYD!!!
My usual comebacks are “Oh Yeah, well”. Then 20 minutes later I come up with a good one when it doesn’t matter anymore. My sister tells my oldest that his freckles are angel kisses. When I was younger I always wanted a red head with freckles and God didn’t disappoint!
Totally crack me up! In a house with four sons I endure this kind of trash talk all the time. To boys it is how they say I love you! LOL! Way to go mom! You the WO-man! Hubby always tells me that!
That was hilarious!! But with a come back like that at 5….you better watch out, she has potential to be your all time smack down winner!!! :) I loved this post because with a husband and son that are way too quick for my mind…..I never win…..so at least I can glory is someone else’s!!!!
ONYD! That is TOO stinkin’ funny. Glad I’m not alone in my humor. :) I’ll be checking back in to see what wicked things you try next.
Jenny, over from Pioneer Woman
I am cracking up. I think your girl takes after her momma! Tell her she better be nice to you or you’ll start hiding her matching socks.
And that with the boys is too funny. You are one CHEEKy gal!
I bet a fly on the wall at your house is mightily entertained!!
BWAAAHAHAHAAA!!! I love that!!
That commercial is one of my favorites, too. And, you’re KILLIN’ ME! I had to laugh out loud. I bet it is so fun living in your house (seriously). Thanks for the Sunday laugh. I needed it! Have a great day!
My, what a funny momma you are. Did they all crack up with hysterical laughter. Too bad I can’t use that line sometime.
I came over from PW
At least you can remember how you’ve accumulated your trash-talk points.
I got Corey SO GOOD the other day with a great line. It was witty, personal and perfectly timed. Even he bowed before my ability to lay one on.
But now, I can’t remember what I said. And it’s KILLING ME!
Oh my girl, thanks so much for the laugh this morning.
My High schoolers are always texting me during the day using the “abbreviations” they think I should know front and back. Every once in a while I just text back “Huh?” because I have no idea what they are talking about.
I loved your smack down. I was cracking up!!
Love it! That was so funny!
NIKWINF – CGGIATY!!!
(Now I Know Why I’m Not Funny – Cuz God Gave It All To You!!)
Love It!! That is the best!! You rock!!
I really need to be practicing some comebacks…
I LOVE IT. Your boy #2 and #3 are at my house right now and do you know how hard it is for me to keep my mouth shut. If it were son #3 I would definantly be ragging him right now.
I will never understand little girls obsession with their mom’s imperfections. I find consilation in the fact I know that someday she will also struggle with some of the same things and only hope and pray she has a daughter of her own. Lol.
That is too funny! Aren’t our kiddos just a precious, funny, wonderful treasure from the Lord!?!
ROTFLMBO… I know you are cool enough to know what that is. ;) might have spit out my diet coke when reading your post.. SERIOUSLY funny. I just recently found you and am excited to have a place to come for some killer “yo mama” lines to use on my 6 pack.
Thanks for sharing the smile!
hi. lar. i. ous. !!
You go girl!
Us momma’s who have LOTS of boys in the house….we gotta be quick!!
You are IT!!
You are so funny! That was great!!
Ha ha.. I’m glad that ONYD is catching on :)
that makes me look forward to when my kids are older!!
yep – you still go it!!! love, Leigh
Hilarious! Good one!
*giggle* Mom ftw!!
Now that cracked me up!!!! My 5 year old is trying all that trash talk stuff already too!
I am so glad you share this kind of stuff with us!!
UR2 Cool! ROLF!
You rock, Momma! Can we be BFF’s?
That is too funny! Although I have to say, how could you pick on number 2? He’s just so stinkin sweet??…lol ( I realize I do not live with him and he can’t be that sweet ALL the time!! You go girl!)
Oh that’s good!
I also use the line of the angel kiss mark – my oldest has one on his forehead and my youngest has one right smack on his cheek.
So sweet :)
I also read the post about the book – YEAH!!
That is awesome!
That was hilarious! And I too, love that commercial!
That is hilarious!!! I am laughing out loud!
And so sweet about the angel kisses! I love that.
Your blog cracks me up! I love the humor.