It’s no secret I have a strange sense of humor and the dorkiest things get me all kinds of tickled. Right now my favorite commercial is the one where the woman takes a cell phone away from her mother to keep her from texting and the grandma says, “O-N-Y-D!” (Oh No You Didn’t for all you totally uncool people who aren’t down with the lingo. Yo.) Cracks me up!!
I had my own ONYD moment with my 5 year-old daughter a couple of days ago. I had done something, can’t remember what now, that she considered ‘silly’. We then proceeded in a ‘who’s sillier’ game that went something like this:
Girl: “You’re sillier than this house.”
Me: “You’re sillier than the dog.”
Girl: “You’re sillier than the moon.”
Me: “You’re sillier than the universe.”
And then, she came up with the most effective shut-up of all time:
Girl: “Well remember you have that huge zit on your chin.”
ONYD? Oh yes, she did.
And what’s so bad is that I had no comeback. She doesn’t have any zits or cellulite and her momma doesn’t dress her in combat boots. Believe me, if I could have detected any visible flaw this kid was going down – but alas, there was none. So I stood there, completely dissed, forced to throw in the white towel in The Ultimate Mother-Daughter Smack Down.
Shortly thereafter, I used my defeat as motivation to train with Boy #2 for any future ‘Yo Momma’ matches that should occur. Oh no, I was determined that I would not go down again.
Don’t you dare tell him I told you, but #2 has a birthmark on his right hip. I’ve always told the kids that a birthmark is where an angel kissed them as they were born. Stupid I know but they get a kick out of it. Number Three boy makes fun of Two because of the birthmark on occasion and this scene played out in the kitchen:
#3: Haha, 2 has a birthmark on his boooo-tox. (What he calls a bottom)
#2: (Sounding exactly like Napoleon Dynamite) Be QUIET, that is so lame. Besides, mom said that’s where an angel kissed me.
#3: Then WHY did the angel kiss you on the booo-tox???
(Okay, here it is. Here it is. My amazing comeback!)
Me: Because the angel thought he was kissing his FACE!!! ahahahahahhahah
Oh, yes I did!!! Wasn’t that a good one?? I SLAY me!
I got SO many points with the boys for that one that no one has trashtalked me for days.
I have no idea why I just shared that with you other than a girl’s got to bask in what few glories she gets, agreed?
Mom’s still got it, kiddos.
Oh, yes I do. (OYID)