Cute Shoes Online Discussion ~Chapter Eight
I can hardly believe we only have one Chapter left to discuss after this one. It kind of feels like the series of finale of Lost except without all the time-travel and smoke monsters and mysterious beams of light. And let’s not forget the obvious fact that the Lost writers, well, they are better than me. Way better. I’m secure in that.
Today we are going to talk about ministry moves in the chapter entitled, “The Joys of Hello.” Here are the things I always love to hear from other ministry wives on the subject:
1. How many times have you moved?
2. Have you learned to appreciate the process or do you cry every time?
3. Parsonage or purchase?
4. UHaul or Ryder or Moving Company?
5. What is your favorite thing about the move? The least favorite?
6. Share your favorite tip on surviving a ministry relocation.
I’m keeping it short today because I have to finish some work and then go visit my Mamaw Crawford in the hospital. Please pray for her. She’s suffered a heart attack and isn’t doing well at all. She is 89 years old and precious to our family. I’m asking the Lord to give her peace and comfort and assurance of his love for her. These times are inevitable but that doesn’t make them any easier, does it? I know y’all understand and I appreciate your lifting her name to the Father.
Hmmm …
We have moved 10 times … but that’s really seminary, 2 churches, and missions.
I have learned to appreciate it; any time God moves it means He is giving new opportunities and working in us, so I get excited to see what He’s doing.
Once parsonage, sometimes renting, sometimes purchase.
Never a company ;) and sometimes UHaul, flat bed, pick up, whatever :)
Favorite thing? The way it forces us to cling anew to the Lord and to each other.
Least favorite? It’s a lot of upheaval and challenge for our children. Never easy.
Favorite tip – Once you arrive, don’t commit to anything “big” right away… give yourself 6 months to put your family’s adjustment first, help your husband get established, get to know the new Body, and just find out how God wants to use you in your new nest.
.-= Julie- Pastor of Mobilization-41-Tenn.´s last blog ..What Smells at Your House? =-.
Lisa @ The Preacher's Wife Reply:
May 17th, 2010 at 4:26 pm
lol…never a company for us either, dadgummit. :)
Aw sweet Lisa! Praying for her!
.-= Jenny Hope Williams´s last blog ..suffice it to say…. =-.
Lisa @ The Preacher's Wife Reply:
May 17th, 2010 at 4:26 pm
thank you!
I really struggled with this chapter. I have a hard time with the idea that moving frequently just goes along with the ministry even though I have seen this to be the case in many ministers’ lives. We are only at our 2nd church. We stayed at the first one for 2 years and weren’t looking to move until we were pursued by another church. We were having a hard time in our small town with no peer network for us or our growing family. After much prayer we took the job. It has been a great fit, but leaving our previous church was one of the most painful things I have gone through. I felt like we were leaving our older, poorer family for a new younger and richer model. We have been at our current church almost 4 years and I hope to be here many more. Church has always been a family to me and it seems unnatural to change families every few years. My husband has been offered jobs at bigger churches with bigger salaries, but unless the church wants us to leave I don’t see us going anywhere in the near future. What are some of your opinions? Why is moving so connected to working in the ministry more so than in other jobs?
.-= Alyson´s last blog ..Mother’s Day Singing =-.
Lisa @ The Preacher's Wife Reply:
May 17th, 2010 at 4:51 pm
excellent question – i personally think in the society we live in we’ve gotten used to everything being easy and when it comes to a point where we might have to fight some things through we run instead of accepting the challenge – and I mean that on both sides of the pulpit. a wise mentor once told us that it takes 2 full years of ministering in a place to have earned the creds to really pastor them. unfortunately, that 2 year mark is often when the honeymoon has faded and the real ppl come forth and we have to decide if we are going to love one another scars and all. we have moved 17 times – some ministry related, some not – and it is my desire to never leave the church where we are serving now. there is a lot to be said about sticking it out over a long period of time with one group of ppl.
I am so glad that you entitled this chapter the “The Joys of Hello” and not “The Heartbreak of Goodbye”! In our 17 years of marriage we have moved only 3 times, but before that, while I was a single missionary I moved 7 times, including two different countries. I have been a resident of a total of 4 countries! Sometimes my “hellos” are less than joyful, because I fear saying hello, knowing it will mean a heartbreaking “good-bye” sometime in the future!
I have never learned to be joyful about saying goodbye and consequently my hellos tend to come slowly. I always try to hold back just a little so it doesn’t hurt so much, but I never can resist all that long and I end up giving my heart away to the people God has called me to love and serve. I’ve always loved the passage in Ephesians where everyone follows Paul down to the river crying and hugging him. I feel like that’s my life story.
I have always lived in parsonages (and even as a single missionary I was in mission housing) and feel very grateful to have a much nicer home than I could ever afford on my own. I think it’s wonderful not to have a place I call my own here in earth. It’s a great reminder that this world is not my home. I am dead serious about that!
Since most all of my moves have been international, I have learned to get my possessions down to minimum. The last time it was 7 suitcases… and 21 boxes of books. We manage to get down to a minimum with everything except our books!
The best thing about all the moves is that it has taught me so much about depending totally and completely on God to fulfill my needs – material and emotional. And I have wonderful friends scattering around planet earth. I am always having wonderful reunions with friends. The worst part is the very real loneliness I deal with, in not having long term girl friends who can share all the crazy facets of my life. My friends in Brazil don’t know about my life in Korea, nor do my friends from Canada share my life here in Brazil and so forth and so on.
My best advice is to be willing to learn to let go of what “was” so that you can enjoy what “is”. As long as I cling to the past, wishing I were still “there”, I cannot embrace all the wonderful things of my present.
.-= Peggy Fonseca´s last blog ..Finally and at last! =-.
1. During the last 6 years we have moved 4 times, 4 states! We’ve had to move because the church’s leadership decided they were better off with out us (fired with-out-cause). My husband couldn’t find work after the last dumping and has put us in the unemployed and homeless category for 9 months. So, not only have we had to adapt to moving again, this time it was to homelessness.
*I can not explain why God has allowed us this much pain and disappointment. But I do know he has noticed every tear, and has kept track of every church-man that is responsible for our grief. We continue to walk upright and and look to God.
2. I cry every time!
3. Both parsonage and purchase … owning is so much better! Then I don’t have to wait for a group of men to decide wether or not I should paint my kitchen. Or worse, they decide the color? Even worse than that, wait for them to do it!
4. We’ve used U-Haul, Budget, PODs, ABF, & trailers. U-Haul was an epic failure! I will only use ABF or PODs from now on.
5. My favorite thing about a move is the special warmness & hospitality by the church people. They love showing us around town, taking us to favorite restaurants and educating us about the uniqueness of THAT community. My least favorite part of a move is finding new Dr.s, hair stylists, school, house, and very hardest part is finding good friends.
6. Favorite tip on surviving a ministry relocation?
Humor, I have a Top 10 Uses for Packing Tape After You’ve Moved.
Time, at least 12 months before it feels like home for me.
Necoe Reply:
May 17th, 2010 at 3:30 pm
Suzanne,
my heart breaks for you. I will lift you and your family up. Last year was a very difficult one for my husband, which makes it hard on you, because of the need for you to be strong and encourageing when all you feel is disappoinment (for the pain) and at a complete loss because of the circumstances. Be faithful and true. Cling to the word and the promises that God gives in his Truth. I personally cling to the book of Habbukuk in times like this. (quick run down: Hab. mis confused why God would let a sinful nation be the one that He uses to judge Judah. He is honest in questioning why God does the things that he does. By the close of the book is an encouraging word about how even when everything is failing around him, the Lord gives him the strength to climb the heights.)
Praying for you sister, Necoe
.-= Necoe´s last blog ..Children are fun =-.
I can’t wait to hear everyone’s responses on this one. We’re currently going through our very first move. We’ve been at our incredible church since we got married (four years ago) and tonight is our last night with this youth group.
Needless to say, I don’t know anything about anything when it comes to this topic, but I will gladly take all the advice I can get. Our baby was born in this church and we have so many rich memories here. It’s going to be tough, but God’s been faithful every step of the way.
.-= rachel h´s last blog ..two year pics =-.
oops, I forgot to identify myself!
rachel
25
Mississippi
.-= rachel h´s last blog ..two year pics =-.
Wow, I am thankful to say I have no idea how it feels to move to a new ministry. My husband has been at our church going on 16 years. This is the only church we have ever worked for. I have seen other people on our staff come and go but it seems like we always remain. I guess we are rare in ministry. My husband just feels like this is where God called him, to be a worship pastor. Oh yes things have changed over the years at our church but we remain firm in our calling to serve here.
.-= Shelly Myers´s last blog ..Getting a blog off the ground =-.
We have moved 2 times and at our 3rd church together. It is a somewhat exciting process. The first move was away from my hometown to my husband’s hometown, and the second was to entirely different region of the country to where we knew no one. I have always felt it was time when we did, and God provided peace for His will for us. Probably a few tears were shed, especially the first time b/c I was pregnant and not too happy about having to leave my ob/gyn.
We left a parsonage(1st church) to – (2nd church )rent – purchase – to(3rd church)rent – purchase
We have used a Uhaul and a moving company – LOVE moving company except for a few damages and a little overcharging – be careful.
I love the new challenges and experiencing the new. Finding new things. Our last move was to another part of the country, and that has provided new opportunities. I did not leaving relationships, doctors, and good hairdressers.
Get settled before commiting to anything. Make sure your kids are happy. Be flexible with your hubby – very busy getting set up.
.-= Donna Dear´s last blog ..My Valentine Suprise! =-.
Necoe, OK, 34
1. times moved- this is tricky, because every time we moved locations from a ministry it coinsided with graduation/schooling. Since we have been married we have moved 7 times. 4 of which have been in the last four years. I’m ready to settle in.
2.I appreciate the process for several reasons. I like change, especially positive change. I like cleaning out things I tend to accumulate if we stay in one location for long. I’m a reflective person, so for me moving helps me to look at where I’ve been and where I’m going, not just physically speaking. I must admit though, that I also cry. Especially when we moved from dear friends in the ministry. It is nice though, because my friendships with those women grew deeper after the move, and I didn’t feel as vulnerable to their friendships when we weren’t “in charge” any more.
3. we always rented/lived in a parsonage while in ministry. When we finally bought a home it was when he was no longer “in the minitry”. I must say though about buying: be careful not to get in over your head. Buy what you can afford, the more money you put down the better in the long run.
4. Penkse. That’s what the hubby prefers. I would like to try that thing called a moving company -at least once.
5. tip for relocation: Look for ways to get to know the new church family. Think of it as a marrage. The more you care and love the bride of Christ the more she will submit to your authority.
Also we had an open house a few weeks after we settled in. The church had done some renovations to the parsonage before calling us there. Once we were settled I had a “drop in” dessert open house, It gave the members a chance to see the new house, meet us as a family. I had a chance to visit too, which was difficult, because at the time I had young children. (kids are always more comfortable in their own places.)
*Please forgive me if there are a lot of typos. I am using a tiny computer and the spell check is not helping me, so not only am I a horrible typer, but I can hardly see what I am typing. I know- pathetic.
.-= Necoe´s last blog ..Children are fun =-.
Lisa:) Still thinking of you over here! Keep us posted!
.-= Little Steps Of Faith´s last blog ..LSOF: ” That’s what faith can do.” =-.
Patty, 44, SC senior pastor
We have moved so many times, I have lost count. We have been in 6 churches both bi-vocationally and full-time over the last 20 years.
We have lived done it all as far as living–parsonage, rent, and own. Of course, I love to own my home, but I don’t necessarily like the payments! The parsonage we live in now is great, and the people don’t really care how we decorate or what we do (well, I don’t exactly ask them if we can do something!). We have lived in a parsonage that was overrun with mice, and that was totally unacceptable to me.
Except for when my husband’s engineering firm moved us, we have always used U-Haul. Yuck!! I prefer the moving company–they boxed us up and moved us and it was great.
My favorite thing about moving is the adventure, although as I get older, that is so much less exciting. I like decorating a new place.
My least favorite thing is making new friends, finding new doctors, hairstylist, etc. Invariably, I need these people after we move before I have actually found someone that I like.
To survive ministry location, you need to let go of any preconceived notions you might have about how things are done. You should also not bring your prior hurts with you. Give your congregation plenty of time to start loving you, and you them. You never know what they’ve been through before you have arrived.
.-= Patty´s last blog ..good grief! =-.