This past week we celebrated the 16th birthday of my eldest child, Sawyer. It seems just yesterday that he was a 16 month old running through the house asking, “What’s Saw-er doin’?” Sometimes what he was doin’ was obvious, at others not so much. Either way, it delighted me to be able to communicate with such a tiny little person because from then on I felt like I knew what babies that age were thinking. They just wanted to know what they were doin’.
It occurs to me that question doesn’t change much. I’ve wondered what I am doing most days of my life. As a mom, I’ve wondered if I was overprotective. Wondered if I was traumatizing the little people God had given me. Wondered in those times I blew it big time as a wife and friend, “What’s Lisa doin’?” Sometimes the answer was obvious, at others not so much. But as I watch this boy grow into a young man, I can’t help but believe God has received this consecration of our first-born and is planning on doing a mighty thing with him in spite of anything we could do to mess him up. I’m believing that for all my children and am so incredibly awed by their individuality and watching the points of their personality develop that will be the strength/weakness God will use. Watching them grow is like having a front row seat to the most amazing film ever written and having the privilege of having some small part of helping write the story as well as the angst of being so deeply invested in how it plays out.
At this point in the production, I am somewhat happy to report Sawyer passed his road test and got his driver’s license. I say somewhat because, MY BABY DROVE TO SCHOOL WITHOUT ME Friday morning. I took several hundred photos of him pulling away and then cried just a lot when I couldn’t see him any longer. And then I jumped in the car and followed his route to school checking all the ditches and breathing a huge sigh of relief when I saw his truck safely parked in front of the school. Will I always be this neurotic? When will I settle down into appreciating the ability to send him to the store and taking his brother to ball practice? Because, really, I don’t see that happening in the near future.
Here are a couple of pictures I took on his birthday. I made Sawyer drive me to an alley downtown with an old beat up building for a backdrop. He wasn’t really in the position to say no if he wanted to stay behind the wheel the rest of the day.
The only thing more awesome than my kid is the broken factory window. I am obsessed with it.
Again, broken window love. I played with this one for ages and finally decided I kind of liked it in spite of my lack of photoshop skillz.
This is Sawyer’s favorite. He’s not in love with broken windows but he is pretty well smitten with his Chevy.
I loved the way this picture turned out but then got paranoid about his license info being ont the web. So then I tried to delete it, blur it, and somehow ended up rotating it multiple times. Have I mentioned I am a photoshop idiot?
I just read back over this post and bless you if you’ve made it this far. It is as rambling and disconnected as I anticipated. Hoping you will read between the lines and assume the unstable mind of the writer. I wanted to wax sentimental but I’m too fragile and plus now I’m feeling guilty because I wasn’t blogging on Elijah’s birthday and, not like he ever reads my blog, but if I go too overboard then I will feel guilty for not writing an ode to his 14th birthday. Geesh. This motherhood thing.
Do any of us really know what wer’re doin? Please tell me you don’t either. Or at least if you do, help a sister out and share some secrets.