What Bad Little Girls are Getting for Christmas

I don’t even know where to begin with this one.

When we were shopping today I saw this doll in the Pink Row at Walmart. {That would be what The Girl calls the Barbie aisle.}

Seriously. What the heck?

One thing you may or may not know about me is my issue with birds. I’m not afraid of them per se. I’m just not a fan of all the poop. You see, I was on a field trip once with a bunch of 2nd graders and a flock of birds flew over and pooped on my shirt. You’ve never been mocked until a bird poops on you in the presence of that many creepy little boys.

That experience left a deep emotional scar that has yet to heal.

So this Barbie brings back that terrible memory and also brings to forefront the fact that – in order for this Barbie to be authentic – she would have to also be covered in bird poopie.

I’m all over details, people.

What completely cracked me up besides the subtle look of distress on her face is the description given on the website:

Celebrating Alfred Hitchcock’s classic film, this incredible collector’s doll features our heroine being attacked by a trio of fine feathered foes, just like in the movie. Will these plastic birds damage her delightful handbag or her carefully styled hair? We certainly hope not! Be sure to let Barbie into your home and pray that the birds don’t come in with her!”

I know when my eyes are being pecked out and I’m being pooped on by demon birds my first concern is my delightful handbag and carefully styled hair.

Though if I survived the ordeal, I would be secondarily upset about either of those things being damaged.

And speaking of poop, I’m curious if the same Barbie designer also created Barbie and Tanner the Dog? Do y’all realize the doggy snacks are also doggie poo and that Barbie scoops them it up only to return it to Tanner’s bowl for him to eat again?

Yeah.

I know y’all appreciate my sharing that with you right as you are finishing up those Lists O’ Christmas Cheer.

You are so incredibly welcome.

It is so late and I’m delirious. If this post disappears you’ll know it’s because I woke up tomorrow with more sense than I have at the moment.

Or if I disappear, it was The Birds.

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