Feeling Like a Guinea Pig?
Do y’all get so tired of my asking you questions for my study benefit?
I hope not cause I’m about to ask you another one..
I’m working on a new series called, “So Long, Self……Saying Goodbye to the Flesh and Hello to the Spirit”. And yes, I borrowed the beginning of the title from Mercy Me because that song captures the theme of this teaching.
I have a retreat I’m leading at the end of the month and I really thought I had my subject matter decided upon. Thing is, everytime I would begin to study, my spirit became unsettled and I could get no insight whatsoever. After much prayer and second-guessing of my discernment skillz, God has led me to teach on the last half of Romans 7 and the first half of 8. To say I am intimidated is an understatement. Today I’ve been buried in Boice and MacArthur commentaries as well as my beloved Greek/Hebrew Key Word Bible. I’ll be robbing Luke’s library at church tonight for an armload of references so that hopefully, just hopefully, I won’t butcher this passage beyond any biblical recognition.
I have been so excited over my reading so far. I’ve always been fascinated with Paul’s simple yet complex description of the war in our bodies with sin. Scholars hotly debate whether Paul is referring to himself in his previous unregenerate state, his state after he was first born again but not yet mature, or in his matured faith. Boice makes an excellent case for the latter. I really don’t know why anyone would feel threatened in their Christianity by flat out admitting that we all experience spiritual inconsistency. Knowing the Apostle Paul, the greatest theologian of all times, struggled with feeling unholy before a perfect God encourages me. I need to know the same Spirit that rescued Him is the same one who will continue that perfecting work in me today.
So what I want to ask you today is this: Do you ever just get sick of yourself? Tired of making the same mistakes over and over? Feel defeated over an area of sin/temptation you just can’t seem to master? Or conversely, is there an area of your life where the Holy Spirit has brought a great victory? Has he given you the strength to overcome bad decision-making, bitterness, or that situation where you saw no way out?
Y’all may want to stay anonymous on this one. In fact, I would encourage it because I really would love for you to feel free to be completely honest. Something that I have found to be overwhelmingly true is that many women have a secret life and hidden pains that we could scarce imagine if we tried. I have been in settings where girls I’ve never met have whispered in my ears their need to be free from drug addiction, lesbianism, hidden debt from their spouse, and even knowledge of heinous crimes. These weren’t lost girls. These were church-going, choir-singing, Sunday-school-teaching women. I don’t say this to dishonor them but to encourage you – you are not the only one who can find herself in a mess that she never imagined she could get into. We get to these places by feeding our desires and using our own logic and before we know it, Satan has taken us down a path of seemingly no return.
Well thanks be to Jesus who is our rescue. In the beginning of what Boice calls ‘the greatest chapter in the Bible’ we are told, “There is therefore now no condemnation to them which are in Christ Jesus who walk not after the flesh but after the Spirit.” (Romans 8:1) We do not have to live under a dark cloud of dread fearing that we’ve disappointed God one too many times for Him to ever be able to make use of our lives. I’ve gotten myself into some doozies, girls, but this one thing I know: He’s only left me there long enough so I’ll never want to go back. And in the meantime, He’s helped me understand how others who may be walking the same road may be feeling so I can sympathize with them. It’s the exact same reason He chose humanity over heaven. He didn’t want to just know what we felt, He wanted to feel what we felt. We are not alone and Christ is not out to destroy us. His refining fire is simply a tool for burning down the sin-wall we place between us and Him which prevents us from looking Him in the eye and experiencing the full measure of His favor.
I know this post is a toughie but I’ve no doubt God will use your experiences for His glory if you’ll only let Him. Again, do not feel like you have to share your names. If you do, I can assure you it will never be shared with any group to whom I minister.
Thank you for all you do to help me. Your insight is worth more than gold to me as I seek to work out the calling I feel God has placed on my life.
Yep, I do get sick of myself! I struggle the hardest trying to stay steady if that makes sense.
On the good side, this March I will have been a Christian 15 years and somethings that I so struggled with in the first years have disappeared from my life, praise God!
I sure do and if I got paid for that I would be super duper rich. love you Lisa been awhile but always read your blog.
ps I not sure where to go in the USA just know I need to go.
any ideas?
love you
D
Well Romans 7:14-20 pretty much describes me and my life! I love and hate how Paul writes, but I definately identify! I recently did a study of Romans and I fell in love with Romans 8! What a chapter of victory after 7 that shows us the struggle!
One thing I will share here is my struggle with weight! I can take it off and put it back on! I know this is an issue with alot of women, but it is so discouraging to me! I realized this week that I really don’t want to give up the sin, so that may be one reason I am not having victory there! I will e-mail you about a painful experience and the victory God gave me! It makes me cry as I write this. I look forward to this study, and I look forward to continue the “I AM” study. It’s been awhile!
I love the section of scripture you picked. LOVE it! Having been raised in a somewhat guilt ridden environment I found myself often trying to “earn” God’s love and feeling so unbelievably miserable every time I failed Him. I have to say that I still often get sick of myself( critical spirit, impatience, failure to put others ahead of my own desires, quick temper at times, knack for putting my foot in my mouth). But a pastor was able to help me capture the idea that believing on Jesus Christ His son is the work I was given to do, and after that I can do nothing greater to please Him. He helped me to see that God is the one who is faithful to finish the good work He began in me. I don’t feel the condemnation any longer that I used to. Like I truly got Romans 8:1 deep within my spirit not just my head. I feel repentance, but I see myself in a new light. ..as truly beloved, chosen, co-heir with Christ, covered in His blood, spotless… I see my failures as steps to sanctification and not just failures in themselves. I have found an inner peace that I will continue to grow in the grace of our Lord Jesus and that it will include me continually sinning here and there. Sometimes I still feel like Pual in chapter 7…shocked at my true sinful nature at heart, but God’s grace is so quick to rush in that it rarely lasts very long! I brush myself off and get back on the horse!
Oh yes! On a daily basis, it seems. I get so ill sometimes that I cannot even stand myself. I’ve ALWAYS been a very uptight human being. You know the kind, not just the person who wants everything in it’s place, but wants everything sitting at exactly the right angle! Pathetic! LOL And I seem to have no focus when it comes to things that really matter. Four years ago I was diagnosed with cancer and given 5 years to live. God’s peace clouded me and I KNEW that that was not going to be the end of me. Without going into great detail…not only did I ‘have a little talk with Jesus’ I got to meet the Father face to face lying in my bed one morning and I knew that tumor was gone! Guess what? It was. Four years later and I haven’t been to a doctor in almost 4 years and am completely fine! Yeah, God! I tell you all of this to say – I couldn’t get enough of God after all of that. Now I struggle to even have a few minutes of quiet time with Him. Why is that? I get so angry with myself. I remember that feeling I had then and I want it back. I don’t want to be told I have liver cancer again, but I want that feeling back that I had after I was healed. I thought it would never go away! Now people are forgetting….and that shouldn’t happen! Not because of me, but because of what HE did that day! Can you tell my voice is getting higher? LOL I’m getting beside myself right now!!!! We are all so hard on ourselves. May God inspire you in this study! He is so good!!!!!!
I love that we can all relate to the apostle Paul in these scriptures of struggle. It doesn’t give us a free ticket to sin, but shows that we are not perfect, but sinners saved by grace. Just like someone from a previous comment, I have always struggled with my weight. I love that she said she just realized that she really doesn’t want to give up that sin. I think this was a revelation for me as well when I read that. It’s kind of like my “pet” sin, that I like it too much to get rid of it. I like food, I like eating, but I don’t do it in enough moderation. So for me it becomes an issue of “Do I really hate my sin, as God does?” Ouch! I say I hate sin, but only the really bad ones. Eating food isn’t a “bad” sin, like adultery. This is the lie I tell myself. During the sin it feels good, but soon after comes the regret and condemnation from myself. It’s a battle that I need to win and have victory in. I want my victory to help and encourage others, but until then, I keep seeking Him and praying for self-control and determination to HATE my sin.
Girl, I get sick of myself everyday quite a few times a day.
I often think to myself….now where did that feeling come from? I thought I had worked through that.
I think it is just part of life as we know it — in this sinful world we live in. Look for an email from me – hopefully later today when I am feeling a bit less queasy.
love-
Mindy
Unfortunately some of us simply won’t take Him at His word until we’ve had a little (a lot) of the refining fire. (I can tell you though, at the time, I was a little unaware that there was anything holy going on – I was convinced, and told anyone who’d listen, that God had forgotten us. I truly believed that He had forsaken my family, marriage, and me personally.) Of course the fire got hotter, because we ‘brick-headed’ folks don’t get it until we are stripped of every – and I do mean EVERY – option. Only much later, was I able to see that it was his absolute MERCY that allowed it all to happen. Only He knew what was in my little dark heart, and the direction it would eventually take me. Daily, I find myself in awe of His mercy, love and devotion to me. I’m sure that God would love it if we simply took Him at His word right from the beginning, but like Eve, we think we have some inside information and that God is not completely trustworthy – THAT my friend is an invitation to the furnace! Now, even in difficult situations, I may struggle with actually forcing myself to WALK in what He’s called us to do, but I no longer doubt His motives or His goodness because NOW I know that . . . .”He’s only left me there long enough so I’ll never want to go back.” I couldn’t have said it better myself. He’s allowed me to actually SEE where my sin will ALWAYS take me – and it ain’t a pretty place! Now I don’t have to test the waters every time – I trust Him.
So, to finally answer your question, after years of self-condemnation and frustration over my continued mistakes, I finally know that there truly is no condemnation. So I screw up, recognize, repent and then I get up and thank Him for the gift of new mercies everyday and then I start over – grateful that I serve the Living God – AKA – “The God of Second Chances”.
Oh do I ever get sick of myself. There are many times I cry out “What is wrong with me?” There are so many things that flood my mind that simply get me down…why can’t I make good, strong, loyal friends?…what am I doing that keeps my husband from giving me the non sexual physical touch that I so crave or just simply hearing the words “I love you” come from his lips first without me saying them and him muttering them back.
One thing that has really got me thinking is taken from Beth Moore’s new study, Stepping Up. She says in one of the videos,”Is it hypocracy when the person you pretend to be is who you really want to be?” That has really got me thinking. Is that really who I am? Do I simply act out what I who I really desparately want to be or are those around me seeing the real me???
Ok I might have gotten away from what you were asking for…sorry.
C
Oh yes, I get so sick of myself!! I struggle daily to find the time to spend in the bible…but daily it seems I make every excuse to NOT spend that time I desperately need with Him. Then I question everything I do (imagine that right!). Although I am trying to work on it, it seems after a day or 2 of doing well, I find myself slipping back to where I shouldn’t be. I could sit here ant tell you all the “things” that get in my way, but you know what…it’s not those things…it’s ME…lack of discipline and relying on God!
I am constantly praying…”Lord make me Want to want to…” for things like losing weight/getting healthy. Or “Give me the desire to wake up early to spend time with you”. Boy do I wish I was a morning person…I’m not! Far from it actually. I am a night person and have tried spending time at night with Him…it’s good, but I still feel like if I would have spent that time with Him in the morning, things during the day would have went so much better…but since it’s at night, I feel like all I ever get done is repenting for all the things I did wrong that day.
Ok, I’m way too winded today…I hope I answered your question…if not, oh well. It felt good just to be able to get this all off my chest! Seeing it in writing makes me feel horrible! It’s one thing to think this/say this in private with God, but to announce it out loud, WOW…that looks bad!! I’m so ashamed! May God have Mercy on me!!
Thanks Lisa!!
I too, like all above, get tired of myself! There is really one thing that I just haven’t been able to let go of. Years ago, in our first year of marriage, my dear husband revealed to me that he had been looking at porn on the internet. At this time he was a seminary student. His spirit was broken and through a lot of prayer and talking with him, I was able to find forgiveness in my heart for this act. (He really only needed the Lord’s forgiveness here I know.) BUT about 5 years later, there was another incident. He swore to me that it had only happened a few times. From the last time until this time, we did not have internet at our house. But at this time we had just recently gotten it hooked up. Needless to say he had it cut off within a day or two of his confession to me.
Because of these two incidents I have (at times) felt that I am not “good enough for him” That my little boobs, not so flat stomach, and my way too curvy hips were so much a turn off for him that he had to resort to “those women”. He tried to explain to me that it had nothing to do with me and my body, that it was a problem he had, but I just couldn’t see it that way. I still catch myself sucking in the gut when he starts to touch me.
I KNOW that since that last time God has healed him of this addiction that he had. I can sense that in his spirit toward me, BUT the enemy keeps bringing it up in my head. I keep being reminded of it and I am tired of it. It comes up in my dreams. At times I feel haunted by it to say the least.
During those times I become a totaly different wife! I am hateful, say things to him that he and I both know I don’t really mean. I question his EVERY move. I HATE this part of me. I want to LOVE him more today than I did when we got married, but sometimes I feel like we are just getting started again.
You wanted raw honesty, so that’s what I gave you.
What a precious passage of scripture to be studying. I just finished memorizing Romans 8 with my BFF, and what wondrous treasures are there.
I am so thankful that although we fight that old man constantly, we are no longer under condemnation because Christ has fulfilled the law for us. I struggle with overcoming sin, but Paul’s encouragement is that we are capable of overcoming because God has given us His Spirit, the same Spirit who raised Christ from the dead, who interecedes for us. He also gave us His Son who fulfilled the law for us, as well as sits at His right hand interceding for us as well.
That’s hope! Blessings on your study.
God has recently used the following scripture to help me to get over some of my past…
“Brothers (sisters), I do not consider myself yet to have taken hold of it. But one thing I do: FORGETTING WHAT IS BEHIND and straining toward what is ahead, I press on toward the goal to win the prize for which God has called me heavenward in Chirst Jesus.” Philippians 3:13-14
I use to live a pretty painful life in silence. I spent several years struggling with the self abusive behavior of hitting. I would hit my head, my legs, my arms, my stomach, anything I could reach.
I struggled with thoughts like
“how can I be a Christian and still stuggle with this kind of behavior.” and “if I were saved, then the Holy Spirit would be here to help me and keep me from doing these things.” BUT then I realized one day that the Holy Spirit is here to lead us and to guide us and to comfort us, but only we can keep ourselves from sin. And that is exactly what it was…SIN…sin from my past and my present that I allowed Satan to use against me to tell me that I was unworthy, that I needed to be punished.
Everyone who knows/knew me would tell you I had it all together. NOONE except my hubby and my parents knew about the hitting.
Glory to God and praise to his name, I have been healed from this behavior. I know that to MANY people 6 months free from anything may not seem as much, but for me, who struggled with this almost every minute of the day, it is a huge victory. I don’t even get the urge to do such a thing to myself anymore, and when I think back on it, I wonder, “What the heck was I doin’?” I can’t even imagine it anymore. And that is all God’s doing!!
Praise His name!!!
I’m running out the door to pick up Connor from preschool, so I don’t have time to read all the previous comments (which means: pardon me if this has already been said).
But if you’re looking for more commentary on this difficult passage, check Beth Moore’s radio show from 1/21 and 1/28. She’s teaching through Romans right now and hits these very verses.
http://www.oneplace.com/ministries/living_proof_with_beth_moore/
Romans 7 definitely….I’m sick of myself right now to be completely honest. I am morbidly obese. Food is an idol in my life and I’m not sure I will ever be free. I am also angry all the time. I’m tired of it. I’m tired of protecting myself by using anger as a shield. This bitterness and rage are driving my friends and family away from me. Thankfully, I have started going to a counselor and salvaging through memories from my childhood not to blame or justify my rage, but to understand it and free myself from its hold. I know God’s spirit is working within me, but for now I am at the “what a wretched man I am” part of Romans 7 and soon I hope to be at “Thanks be to God” and all that victory stuff…
Wow. That’s deep! I needed that spurring!! Good food for thought!!
I definitely get tired of the spiritual rut that I’m in. I let all the stresses of life get to me, when I need to completely turn them over to God. When the load gets too heavy…he is right there to pick me up.
My prayer is that I will yeild to the directing and empowering ministry of the Holy Spirit and not hold sway to the old sinful nature. This is in Romans 8:4. Life through the Spirit…there is no other way! Help me Lord to be!!
Thanks for the great post and listening to God’s will!
P.S. I hope this doesn’t post a zillion times…I’m having trouble publishing it!
The recurring theme I’m hearing everywhere I go lately is…exalt God, not mySELF. That self-exaltation = self-worship; it was the original sin of Lucifer and Adam & Eve and we just keep it going. If we see God as He is, in His Holy-Holy-Holiness, we will fall on our faces and worship HIM, and leave self behind. It hit the nail on the head in my life, and is a daily (hourly?) struggle for me.
I sooo love Romans!!
And yeah, “oh wretched woman that I am! Who shall deliver me from this body of death?”
I’m so glad Paul didn’t end with chapter 7 but went on to chapter 8. There is grace and hope!
God has helped me so much but I still struggle with legalistic perfection. There are so many things that are “automatic pilots” for me. And it’s easy to be like the Pharisee in Luke 8:9-14 and be smug about all the “good things” I am doing, unlike those “sinners”!
And nothing is more frightening than seeing those tendencies in one of my offspring! I want to put a stop to this generational sin!
I have for the past few weeks been so sick of myself. I’m sick of the same struggle over and over- to be content in my marriage of 11 years to a man that I knew I shouldn’t marry, but did anyway. I struggle with the what if I were really single instead of just living like I am because he’s never around. I strugle with feelings of being in love with the one that got away so long ago. Do I struggle with self? Oh yeah. Thank God his grace is sufficient for me.
definitely.
there main sins i really wish i could get rid of. the first is impatience with my children. i want to never yell at them again, and yet it happens. less now than a year ago, though, so that’s something. having children in general has forced me to confront my own sin every hour of every day, as i never had before. i’m aware of my selfishness constantly. i think that’s at least part of what it means that woman shall be “saved through childbearing”. we’re at least made more aware of our need for saving.
the other biggie sin is the remnant of feminist upbringing. when i honestly study the Scriptures, I interpret them very conservatively. in my relationship with my husband, submission is a goal, and it’s pretty easy much of the time b/c he’s great. but when i talk about marriage roles or the roles of women in the church in a more abstract way, or when dh preaches about it, i still get my feathers all ruffled. i’m thrilled with my role as wife and mother ‘in real life’, but when you describe women’s roles on paper it rubs me the wrong way. there are fences around me, and the grass looks greener on the other side. i want to see the fence as a protection, not a restriction, and i hope to get there someday. but i’m not there yet.
i wish i could snap my fingers and overcome these sins. i pray more than daily to have them taken away, to have my faith increased, my love increased, more patience. sometimes i wonder why God hasn’t healed me yet. is that just what life is like, this side of heaven? is this what it means to struggle with sin, or am i missing something???
Wow. Romans, huh? You are BRAVE. :) I’m praying right now for you even as I sit here! That He will reveal truth to you, equip you, fill you for this calling!
I’ll respond to the big question later anonymously. But here’s a teaser… YES! I get sick to death of myself. :)
First of all, let me just say that I can almost hear a southern accent in the way you write! I love that.
Secondly, I was just wondering about the ups and downs of being a preacher’s wife. I am considering joining in ministry myself, and I am trying to inform myself on that type of experience for my future wife’s sake.
Thanks for your help. Best,
Nathan
http://www.facesetlikeflint.blogspot.com/
I struggle in being in a verbally abusive relationship it never stops for the last 15 years he controls everything there are times I feel so sick inside for allowing these to happen to me and I see no way out!! I pray but I feel like my prayers don’t go very far and the thing is I am really stuck I feel there is now way out!!so each day a part of
myself dies deep with in me a loss of self-confidence is gone it seems like forever you want to run but there is no where to run you want ot talk but there is no one who would understand and then you see the pattern all over again!!Yes, where is my God does he not see does he not care I ask myself??
sick of myself? hmmm, lemme think…uh, yeah!
Weight is a huge issue for me and, like another post, I would agree that I’m not sure I’m really ready to let go of the food. Unfortunately I haven’t figured out why. It probably ties into the other reason I’m totally sick of me. Lack of trust with my husband. 5 yrs ago he was having an emotional affair (never physical – never even saw the woman in person…just on the phone) and I can’t seem to move past it. Just when I think I’m doing it, the enemy reminds me of the past. I check his emails (I know his passwords), phone records and text messages on a near daily basis. It is completely wearing me out. I know I should stop, but…
Sick of myself? Yea.
I am a leader in a CBS (Community Bible Study) class and my first lecture this year was on Romans 7 I LOVED it and I learned SO much. There were a lot of examples from my own life that I was able to use as illustrations! And of course I found myself living the lesson more than I would have liked. The preceptaustin.org site was very helpful to me. Good Luck and God Bless you!
~~~~Kelley
We all live with ourselves, so there’s not a one of us at some time who doesn’t see what God sees…and Paul, what was his quote at the very end of his life right before he died, “I am the chiefest of all sinners.” The more we see God, the more I see how I fall short of His Life in me. Praise Him that He is changing my “have to’s” to “want to’s” and apart from His Power, it just doesn’t happen that way.
PS – if you ever have that white prom dress dream again, you better let me know…just posted about what dreams mean when you have them twice…
I totally agree with Bev on this one. The more I learn about God’s character and who He is, the more and more I see myself for who I really am! I think my big struggle is learning to live in the Spirit instead of trying to do things on my own… that’s when I fail! I have the Holy Spirit of the Living God living in me! So why do I feel like a failure so often? I try to do this thing on my own. And guess what? God never designed it that way! I think amazing things happen when someone learns to live in God’s grace and by His power! I am so thankful for the things in my life that have been torn down by the Father and the road of restoration that He continues to lead me on!
I don’t want this to be too long but a few years ago before I got married I went through a terrible time of anxiety issues. I literally got to a place where it was hard for me to leave my house. (my poor hubby-to-be must have loved me to stick through that!) I even went to the Dr and got some of ‘those’ pills. (Now, I’m not saying that ‘those’ pills are HORRIBLE, but for me they were.) I knew that my issues were not ‘medical’ they were control issues I had. I had to do a lot of praying and come to the place where I knew that I had to give up that stronghold of NEEDING to be in control of my life. It was seriously destroying me. One night at my parents house my sweet hubby (to-be) prayed a prayer of victory over me and I was forever changed. He facilitated the prayer but I vowed to let God handle things from then on. Since then, I still occasionally deal with minor issues of anxiety but I now control them by letting Him control the situation… instead of literally making myself sick!
I know this may be a different type of sin, as some have mentioned, but it definitely was a sin in my life. I learned through that how sin truly strangles the life out of you and there is SO much freedom in giving it over to Christ!
Sorry this was so long! I just needed/wanted to share!
Why do I do it?
When high on the mountain, why do I begin to let other things slip in front of God until I am back in that Valley and desperate for him. I want to always be desperate for him. I get so mad at myself everytime this happens. But thankfully he is right there waiting on me to come back. Some times I think my middle name should be “Peter”! (God help me stay focused on you at all times.)
Do you ever just get sick of yourself? Tired of making the same mistakes over and over? Feel defeated?
Yes, yes, and yes! Daily I must die to self–crucify my flesh–and take up my cross to follow Him! Sometimes I am so full of me, me, me that I want to throw up! And perhaps even more scary, some days I don’t mind myself at all–oh Lord, convict me of my self preoccupation!
I am currently attempting to memorize Romans 8 ( don’t be impressed, I’ve only done 6 verses…I think). What encouragement to know that there is no condemnation for me because I have been set free!
Praying God will grant you clear direction and bountiful wisdom as you seek to encourage others to know the life and peace that comes from living according to the Spirit…
Sick of myself, yes. As in my attitudes and actions because the attitudes have festered and stewed in my mind and become my actions. Yes, tired of making the same mistake of being quick tempered and impatient. I’d love to call it passionate, but too many times it turns into impatience and anger. Yes, defeated over the area of anger/frustration/quick temperedness that I cannot seem to master-a daily struggle to control. One that I would say I think about first thing and go to bed thinking about how I might have failed Him by not speaking lovingly, or snapping with a quick unkind word (actually have been able to master the cursing, but not always the sarcasm). The Holy Spirit has brought great victory in reminding me that God’s mercy is new every morning. I even tell my kids that so that they know every day we get to start over again and the past is done. We don’t have to live in it or torture ourselves with the thoughts of failure. God has given me the strength to overcome many bad decisions and the situation of an unequally yoked marriage that I see no way out of. He has given me the peace to believe Him over any negativity that people may speak over me or at me. He has given me the strength to remind myself who I am in Him and not what other people say that I am. Many of the freedoms I now have are because I did the bible study Believing God which helped me to renew my mind towards thoughts of God and not thoughts of this world. We have to absolutely saturate ourselves in God’s Word and believe Him at His word, or not one iota of our abilites will conquer any of this. His Holy Spirit is the only possible way of conquering these obstacles. It is not in our own strength that we are able to overcome, it is in Him that we can overcome. The same power He used to raise Chrsit from the dead lives in us when we accept Him as our God. (Romans 8:11; Ephesians 1:17-20)
I feel like I am finally making some progress. I seemed to have gotten into a rut in the last year with some unforgiveness. I felt entitled to hold on to it and I did. Gods word is so true when it says that we are not to let any bitter root spring up…it TRULY defiles many!! I have experienced that. I have known what it is like to walk with God for years and I could tell how HE was so not pleased with my unwillingness to relinquish everything to Him. I in essence decided to try to protect my own self without his help which was not the way to go.
Anyway, the Lord made it clear to me that I had a choice…I could stay in my misery and wallow in unforgiveness or I could choose to go on with Him and get even more serious about His word.
I was still in the word each and every day but me and my pride kept me from Him.
I am proud of you Lisa and your heart for Jesus!
love jenny
ps I loved beths posts on b free and I know that will lend you some insight…
Yes. I’ve been so sick of myself over the past few years I can’t even begin to tell you. I’m sick of being sick, for one thing (I’ve been battling cancer off-and-on), I’m sick of my anxiety and panic attacks, I’m sick of being overweight and struggling to lose weight with my other health issues and medications, I’m sick of the pain in my past. On the other hand, I’m sick of the fact that I complain like this when in fact I am so blessed. Sometimes my life feels like a terrible burden and I try to lay it all down at the foot of the cross – still, it’s hard. Thanks for listening.
I’m sick of myself… sick of thinking of myself so much that I get stuck in a pit… Questioning and replaying everything, being too sensitive to what others might think. Thinking my worth is somehow related to others’ opinions of me. YUCK.
I’ll be praying for everyone who has commented. May you feel the true love of the One who cares the most about you- far more than any love your human mind can conjur up.
Where do I feel defeated in a choice I routinely make? Smoking. And it’s almost an hourly reminder of failure. Daily I tell my children how it was the D-U-M-B-E-S-T thing I EVER did to be “cool”. And how I can assure them there is not one single smoker who does not regret the day they started.
Ironically I can stop at the drop of a hat if something “significant” is on the line- pregnancy, nursing, etc. Or simply because I am craving a break. I can’t tell you why I don’t consider *myself* significant enough to stop.
That’s probably the worst one I have because it’s an hour by hour, daily reminder.
I have TONS of Glory Stories I could share, but I’ll stick to an easy to condense one. Bitterness, resentment and anger is a big one for me. I held onto all of those feelings surrounding my family with traits of alcoholism, abuse, abandonment, etc. I finally learned to let go and let Him deal with it- I was wasting my time to shine for Him by holding onto all of that.
And you know Lisa, I’m currently reading The Pursuit of Holiness. If you can get your hands on a copy of that, I’m sure there are some pieces you could pull from there too.
Oh YES I get sick of myself! When I am struggling with such things as PMS, depression and anxiety, when I know that I have so many things to be thankful for, I would so like to be able to leave my body elsewhere for a while cause I just want it to go away! And though these things are VERY real, if I would turn them over to the Lord, I wouldn’t struggle with them so much. I certainly do feel defeated in things I keep going back to….eating foods that aren’t helping to give glory to His temple in me, especially late at night. I feel like I should just be able to STOP but like any habit, it isn’t that easy. If I would truly turn it over to the Lord and not take it back into my own control it would help, I’m sure!
I wanted to also say that I chose not to be anonymous when answering this because I want to admit my humanity and give God all the glory when He helps me overcome these imperfections!
Oh Lisa, I am so sick of me! I am sick of basing my self worth on what others may think of me or my home. I am sick of being overweight, and therefore, not feeling very femenine anymore. I am sick of the way I allow satan to infiltrate my daily life in areas that I had previously overcome. I am sick of the anger I hold on to because of a uninvolved (yet present) father and so many years later, I find myself still in fear of him and wanting to please him. There you go, I put it all out there!
Ok I’m not a preachers wife, actually I’m not a wife at all. Actually I’m not a female. I am a preachers son. For between three and four years I had a drug addiction. I was addicted to crystal Meth. I was, I thought, Hiding it from my parents and sisters, also from my wife. I got arrested one night for possession of said drug. God allowed me to over come my addiction with no withdrawls, or severe side effects. Other than the harm that the drug caused my body. I have been drug free for going on three years now. And I have turned my life around. I also have a blog. http://www.knucklehead47@blogspot.com I am currently surving in Iraq in the U.S. Army and am blogging my growth, spiritually and in my own life, on that blog. I tell you this to let you know that you can use my story or any thing you find useful from my blog. Don’t with hold names if you don’t want to. I am not ashamed of my past, because I can not change it. But I am allowing God to use it for his glory. Thank you for your blog. I got some good laughs and insight.
Jonathan Warren
I just found this blog from CWO.
What’s interesting to me is that you spoke on “Saying Goodbye to the Flesh and Hello to the Spirit” at the end of Feb. at a retreat.
I spoke at our women’s retreat on how to live in the new identity….the old had gone the new has come.
Hey, we could have shared notes. : )
I am learning to embrace the new me, the new identity, the true identity of who I really am. I am so grateful that God is awakening me to who I really am. As I shed the old skin, the new skin becomes more comfortable.
I hope your retreat went well. I LOVED every minute of ours. God was there in a powerful way. It was so beautiful.
Many blessings,
Julie