Final M2M Survey
I can hardly believe I’m about to type these next few words:
I am officially working on the final chapter of the Married to the Ministry book!
In honor of my friend Missy, imagine me doing the Cabbage Patch dance.
Or don’t. It may be best if you don’t.
Because really I want you to save your mental imagery for when I’m doing Beyonce’s Booty Shake after the entire manuscript is turned in.
Alright, enough with all the dancin‘. Baptists aren’t supposed to shimmy and shake and above all, I want to preserve the reputation of the SBC.
You’re welcome, Dr. Hunt. (I adore you by the way. Excellent choice we made this year.)
Okay, okay, okay. Where was I?
Oh yes! Before I ask the very last question I have for you in this series of surveys, I want to thank each and every one of you from the bottom of my heart who have taken the time to share your insights with me. I know when you are blog-hopping that it takes effort to linger a while to type out answers to comprehensive questions so the fact that you have honored me with your responses means more than I can ever convey to you. Many of your statements have been used as quotes in a “Round Table” feature in each chapter because I felt it was important for ministry wives to know how women just like them felt about the different topics. The M2M Blogroll will also be listed in the resource section of the book so readers will be able to connect with all of you as a source of friendship and encouragement.
The chapter I am working on is the final one of the book and is purposed to speak to the love relationship between minister’s and their parishioners. I’m convinced ministers and churches today are much too quick to severe the bond between pastor and flock when there is a hint of fatigue or conflict. 1 Peter 4:8 tells us, “Above all, love each other deeply, because love covers over a multitude of sins.” It’s amazing what we can work through together if we first remember our common bond of Christian, brotherly (and sisterly) love.
So, for the last question I am asking for EVERY READER TO ANSWER THE FOLLOWING QUESTION.
Ministry Wives:
1. Do you genuinely feel loved by your congregation? Speak one thing to lay people about how they already do or can moreso demonstrate their love towards you.
Lay People:
1. Do you genuinely feel loved by your ministers and their wives? Speak one thing to their families on how they already do or can moreso demonstrate love towards you.
Come on, y’all. I need an enormous response here! Thank you again for all your help. Please pray I’ll get this thing put to rest before the Fiesta next week!
Blessings on You!
Ministry wife here – I don’t think I feel loved by the congregation as a whole. I do feel loved by my friends in the congregation.
They don’t formally love me for my role. They love me for me. And they demonstrate it by socializing together, praying together, saying supportive things when I’ve done something noteworthy (“we just loved your newsletter this month, you always do such a good job with that,” etc.) and pitching in to help when we have a crisis. And I don’t think any formal ministry appreciation card, dinner, or program would be sweeter than that.
Here are a few ways our congregation shows us love- hugs and handshakes, cards at special events, and sharing something with us (toys for our kids, goodies from the garden, a book they enjoyed).
But there are a few members who you really know love you. They support your husband no matter what, they offer to help at exactly the right time (so many of us in ministry are so far away from our families), and they follow up with concern about prayer requests.
I think the best way to be loved by your congregation is for them to know you love them! Be real and available.
Layperson here–I do not truly feel that our minister and family loves us. Yes they are there ministering to the flock but you can tell that the relationships are not deep. Everything is on the surface and the real person seems to be hidden. All business.
I guess I am one of the closest to our ministers wife but even at that there is a barrier that holds the relationship from going deeper.
I don’t feel particularly loved by this particular congregation. I have felt VERY loved at other churches, however.
Notes of appreciation; notes saying people are praying for us go a LONG way! Invitations to do things with them or have dinner at their homes would make me feel loved!
Perhaps what makes me feel the most loved is when people compliment or stick up for my husband!
Our church leadership started a sabbatical program… it is AMAZING. In the minister’s seventh year at the church, he gets six weeks off with full pay (plus a little extra). No requirements at all. It was an incredibly precious time for us; it re-energized Scott for ministry, it made me feel as though my husband was valued and cared for.
Yes, and no. And I hate to say that. But I know you need me to be honest. I am not sure that my preacher’s wife likes me. I think she used to, but now I’m not so sure. I just get a vibe. I think that she knows that I don’t agree with everything that goes on, and I hate if that causes her to dislike me, but you know, I can’t turn off the preacher’s daughter in me. I know the structure and procedures of our denomination and that just isn’t always followed.
I do feel love from our pastor, but again, maybe not as much now as I used to. I will always remember him for driving 2 hours south without good instructions about where to go to sit with us while Adam was in an operation. I so appreciated that! I do love them, and hope that they do love me on some level.
Now, the pastor and his wife before them? Yes, I most certainly felt love from them, and always will. We had a great relationship and they will always be special to me!
I hope this helps!
We’ve just left a difficult and unloving church. They had a history of pushing out anyone who didn’t follow the “right” leaders. It was a long and painful tenure the last 2 years (we served there 6 1/2yrs), since hubby wasn’t a follower.
We’ve also been in very loving churches. They were openly supportive, encouraging, willing to do, invited us into their homes, shared their crops and smothered our kids with adoration. I’ll take that anyday…over what we’ve just experienced.
Our last church was very exclusive (and we were left out), they were very competitive with our children and critical of my husband. It was and still is like a raw spot on our hearts.
We are people lovers by nature…and God sustained us by giving us friends outside of church….that would pray and encourage us.
from a layperson – there are and probably will always be “cliques” that exist even within the church.
The wives and ministers are human and that network of true friends can really only, honestly extend so far. Everything extended beyond that is out of “obligation” as the Pastor and as his wife. I’m not saying it’s wrong at all or that it is unacceptable by any means…it’s just human nature. Two people and their family can only spread themselves so thin!
From a layperson – I know that I am loved the pastor and his wife. I can remember coming home to visit one weekend when I was in college. During a brief moment, I saw her and she said, “I just love, love, love you! How are you?” and actually looked me in the eye and responded to my answer with an active listening ear. I love her for that moment. Even just two weeks ago, we had a great conversation in our breezeway about my marriage going over some hurdles and a fourth child that is soon arriving. They are real people that share their real struggles and their real celebrations. I LOVE them for that!
Greetings,
I know that I am loved! From the beginning they’ve known our names (great memory they have for names) and they geniunely (spl?) meant it when they ask…. how are you doing? And what impresses me most is that they love the flock without judgement of their behavior. I want to have more of that character!
First, we love Johnny. FBCWoodstock is one of our supporting churches. They have a great vision for planting churches.
I love the newness of our church and it’s members and attenders. There is something different about those who haven’t been in church all their lives. They don’t think about acting a certain way around the preacher and his wife. It is sooo refreshing. They are all so real.
Something that I love to get as far as encouragement is cards or letters. They are priceless. I also love it when they are thoughtful and do things like cut the yard when my husband is out of town. In previous churches I even had someone bring me a meal while he was gone. It is the small things that make me feel loved by them.
As a SP wife, and only 6months into this pastorate, i am just now starting to get to know everyone, mostly just on surface level. A few we know deeper. And those we love. My husband is so much better at this than I am. He is a true people person. I am making a conscious effort to truly connect with people and care about them but its hard to not be selfish when 1)I have three kids that take up most of my emotional and mental energy 2)I can only see my faults and I am protecting myself from others seeing them because I fear their rejection and I fear being hurt—because I have. Kind of makes it hard to love people that you constantly fear will find some reason to not like you, wish they wouldn’t have hired your husband, don’t think you are spiritual enough….that said, there are a few individuals that I really feel care about me and my family in sincerity. And I am trying to let them closer to my heart but its hard. God is talking to me about it. I have to learn to love and be loved. I get so lonely because of it. Lonely, lonely,lonely. See, I am younger than most of the wives and the same age as the rest. So, i would love to be able to glean from the older ladies and befriend the younger ones, but feel I cant because of my role as “pastors wife”. I feel I have to be “on” always and that hinders the love vibes.
But I have been in the associate role before and i LOVED my pastors wife and I KNEW she loved us back. She expressed it. She hugged us. We ate together often and she let me help her with things. Made me feel special to have her “need” me….even if for something small.
Sorry such a long comment.
CONGRATULATIONS on your last chapter!!! That is very exciting!!!
I can’t answer this question personally, since we are too new at our church to even know the pastor’s wife. I wouldn’t know her if I sat next to her on Sunday, at this point.
But I can answer, in part, for my parents. They’ve felt love from congregations when it’s GENUINE. If it’s a show, they know.
I’m an AP wife and I do feel loved by most at our church. I know there are those who don’t appreciate and disagree with my hubby and if they weren’t in the minority would run him and the SP out! (we’ve had issues that are too in depth to even begin to mention!) Oh, they are nice to our face but just like Kelly said, we know what is genuine. There are many who we know totally support us and tell us on a regular basis how much we are appreciated. That is a huge blessing! I think that is the best demonstration of love (outside of praying for us).. just telling us verbally their appreciation. Don’t get me wrong though, we love getting invites to go out to eat too! :)
At our previous church, hubby was part time and we were only there 6 months. But after we left I heard that someone in the congregation had labeled me ‘stuck up’ because I didn’t talk much. That really bothered me because that is not me at all! I’m shy, very shy and maybe as a pastor’s wife that is a bad thing! I guess it’s just important to take into consideration personalities as well. I, for instance, am also one of those types that it takes a while to get to know. I tend to be better one on one than large groups, ect. I guess that has to do with my shy personality. I would hope though that no one thought that I didn’t love our congregation just because I wasn’t outgoing and bubbly 24/7! Now, my hubby on the other hand, is Mr Center of Attention! :)
I agree with Kelly. As the wife of a youth pastor, there is an obvious difference between people who “love” with an agenda and those who love with no strings attached. I’ll never forget the weeks and weeks worth of meals we received after we had our daughter. There were times when someone would ring our doorbell, introduce herself and hand over a home-cooked meal. People we hadn’t yet met were tending to us. It was an overwhelming demonstration of the congregation’s love.
WOW Lisa! Final one…You can do it!
As layperson…my pastor and wife
have always extended their warmth and love to me! My Pastor felt that he needed to be God's covering over me as a spiritually unequal marriage bringing 2 kids alone to church all the time. His wife was more like a sister. The same for the Youth and Children pastors and their wives. My home church has been my strength and support through some very difficult times (Ex. deaths) Things have changed since I've been away but it's always great to go home with them and their open arms of love! I use to make a HUGE chocolate chip cookie for my pastor
instead of just a batch. He is a man of compassion & much vision!
His wife and he now have a heart from Asia (Vietnam in particular).
They have always been a blessing to me!
Stop by and visit with me soon… there will be something special waiting for you. It's in Tuesday the 12th of August post!
Take a break! Enjoy Siesta Fiesta for me! I'll be praying and thinking of all you sistas!
Ministry wife here…My husaband has been a pastor here for 6 months and we feel very loved by our congregation and also by a number of individuals.
Generally speaking it is when people respond to a real or perceived need. They gave us boxes of food when we arrived, sent cards to welcome us and all came up to tell us how glad they are we have come.
Individuals have also blessed us at birthdays, given money so we could take the chidren to the local show, brought meals around when we have been sick, offered to mind the children, lent GPS and cars when ours has been in being fixed, and prayed with and for us during trying times.
It is the generosity and solidarity of our congregation and individuals that really bless and encourage us the most and demonstrate their love for us.
Having said that, my love language is gift giving so their generosity speaks the loudest to me. I try to show love to members of our congregation by remembering their favorite things and surprising them at special occasions, but if their love language is different I will spend time with them or speak or write an encouraging word or even clean the toilets!
I will always remember the welcome and care that our church family provided to us.
I am so proud of you for finishing your book!!!
In my experience and I have been around a long time, I have found that the pastor’s show love toward their congregation and some times more than they show their own families. Sad but true. Concerning the pastor’s wives, I have seen a few who truly show the love for the entire congregation. One ex: Carol, she is amazing, she is the sweetest lady and she made a point to know all the b’days and would make sure to send cards etc… you knew she geniunely cared for all the church. That is hard to do in a bigger church, her size church at that time was 400. I am at a bigger church now, 5,000 plus and that is a whole new dynamic. My pastor and his wife are well loved by the congregation and you know they love the people of the church and it shows by their actions.
The healthiest thing for pastors, wives and lay people, love God more than anyone, love your family second, and then I think loving the rest of the church would come easier.
See you soon,
Love,
Patty
Woo-hoo!!! You’re almost there!
Do I feel genuinely loved by our congregation? Yes. Do I think every single person in our congregation loves us? no.
The people in our church who genuinely love us out number those who don’t so i feel the love!
I do wish the church as a whole would show their appreciation for my husband. We’ve been there 3 years now and every anniversary of his serving has gone by without so much as a mention. But I do believe that we have turned the corner and they really see him as their pastor now.
But when people tell us that they’re praying for us, or they bring us fresh veggies or ask us to go out to dinner, I know they love us!
Little name dropping here, we love Pastor Johnny too! He married us in 2005. I’m so excited about him being our President! Have y’all ever gone to his Timothy Barnabas conference? It’s specifically for ministers and their wives! It is great!
Pastor Johnny is my sister’s pastor!
Last chapter? You GO, girl! Who knew a year ago when we each got our rejects from a publisher who shall remain unnamed that you’d be finishing a contracted book and that I’d be…well…I’d be here in enthusiastic, full fledged support, anxiously awaiting my signed copy! ;-)
Love you, girlfriend!
I do feel loved by our people. For me, it’s words of encouragement and their willingness to jump on board with ministry stuff.
I have heard it said before that if they know their pastor loves them, then they will love back…and I think be more gracious in return.
My husband and I don’t always say and do the right things, or be everywhere we’re needed…but they know they are loved…at least I hope they do :)
I think the pastor sets the tone for the church. Like it or not. He’s the leader, if he demonstrates a sacrificial Christ-like love for each person, they will most likely love in return. If they sense a “wall” they’ll return the favor.
So proud of you for completeing this HUGE process and now I get to say I know a real life author…well, kinda “know” :)
As a lay person, I think this is a tough one for pastors and their families. There are many levels of love, and even like. I imagine that the sentiments expressed by some here already are very common; feelings of having to be on all the time, feelings that there are people in the congregation that have an agenda, feelings of inadequacy as compared to either former pastors (or pastors wives) or even some long-time members. We have a senior pastor who had led the church for almost 20 years, and an associate pastor who has only been here for three years. It is hard for the associate pastor and his family to display or probably feel the same degree of love for and from the congregation.
I do feel loved, but I have tried to become involved at a deeper level; involved in Bible study, Women’s ministry, and Sunday school, so I am around more. I think the members who only come for an hour on Sunday don’t feel particularly loved.
I feel loved by the congregation and I love the congregation.
Where I struggle is when folks leave, I still love them but allot of times they no longer love me. So I wonder did they love me or did they love the associate pastors wife? Anyway, I try not to think about that and just love them the best I can.
I feel loved by the congregation and I love the congregation. Some are closer than others but I love and respect them all.
I struggle with when people leave, I still care about them and allot of the time they no longer love me. That makes me wonder if they loved me or the associate pastor’s wife but I try not to think about that and just love them while I have them. 8o)
Amber
Layperson here: We are part of a very small just starting up church. We LOVE our pastor and family, and we know they LOVE us. It’s a welcome with hugs all around when we all come to church every week. With a small group, we worry they try to do too much.
I know I am loved by my pastor & his wife and kids. :) I know that at any moment I can call them for anything and they will do their best to be there. The encouragement I receive from them is wonderful. And they have no expectations on us. It is not performance based whether they love us or not.
Do I think everyone in the congregation loves or likes me and my husband? Surely not. But, I have never felt as loved by an entire group as I do at our current church.
During our “two moves” while we have been here, we hardly had to do anything. During my father’s death and many illness, etc. we have had an amazing outpouring of love.
The thing I appreciate the most is the love that so many show for my children. Since we have no immediate family living near us, we always have someone who will help us out in many ways. They are truly our extended family. Not just “a people we serve”.
Blessings,
Cazandra
I am anxiously awaiting your book! Hello from Paraguay!
Just a thought or question rather.
I am reading how many wives state they know that they are loved (giving money for shows, sharing from garden, inviting to dinner, etc…) but are there some out there that come to expect those things? I don’t think any of the ladies here would be that way, they truly seem genuine but what about those that don’t post.
I only say that because I have been around some where it is expected since they are suffering in the ministry if you know what I mean.
We are a well loved pastor’s family. We’ve served three pastorates, and have felt deeply loved and appreciated by our past congregations.
Here’s the deal. Invest in your people and they will love you. You don’t have to be the best preacher or administrator, but you do have to pastor your people (wives included). Love your people. Be available and be real with your people and they will love you back.
One of the ways I have known the love of people in our church is through their gifts. Yes, their gifts. Their taking the time to shower us with gift cards and extra money at Christmas (please no fruit baskets, poinsettias, or tea sets), and other times throughout the year.
We live on a shoestring budget, and whenever someone thinks to offer us an extra measure of love, it means so much.
Garden produce and homemade cakes are also a bonus! When I went through a difficult surgery a couple of years ago, we had food and meals for days on end. I also had several people watch the kids for me to give me a break. That’s love in action.
I know with this particular congregation, help is only a phone call away. These are some of the best people I’ve ever known.
Loving is a two way street. That’s why pastoring is not for everyone. If love (for God and for humanity) is not the motivation for ministry, then better leave it to others. Otherwise, it walks too rough and often falls prey to bleeding wounds that rarely know healing.
Thanks, Lysa, for all your work into this writing project. I pray God’s goodness and favor to reside on you as you see this dream come to fruition.
peace~elaine
As an AP in two larger churches, we felt loved by congregations. Maybe because they were loving congregations, or maybe because we made a point to love on them. We invested in getting to know them, praying for them, and looking for ways to serve them and invest in their lives.
We also let them see our weaknesses, and lived “real” before them, and that allowed us to move out of the “glass house” into a “real one” in their minds and hearts.
As current lay people: We are blessedly involved in a a very large church. We love our ministers and feel that they love us. They make a point to speak and listen to people – even when busy. When they communicate from the pulpit in a loving manner – instead of using an “imperial tone” – even when the topic is a difficult one, as a congregation, we feel loved.
Congratulations on the final chapter! I’ll be praying for you!
I second the comments from “smelling coffee” – as a lay person, I and my family have felt deeply loved by our pastor and his wife when we each invested time and energy in getting to know each other, and looking for ways to serve each other. When we moved from AZ to TN, my husband made 3 or 4 trips across country with moving trucks to move our personal belongings and all the stuff for his business. Our pastor offered to help, and he flew from Nashville to Phoenix just so he could turn right around and help my husband drive a Penske truck back to TN – a 27 hr drive. That was such a demonstration of love and service because it was so far above anything we ever expected a pastor to do for us.
I think the same is true in any relationship – it’s when you find people extending themselves to know you, understand and help you, and support you that you feel truly loved.
I have sat here for the last thirty minutes trying to figure out how to answer this one. First of all, my husband has now served as associate pastor in two churches and both went poorly. In the first, the senior pastor was involved in a major scandal and we sensed it before it erupted. We got out in time, but not without some bruises. His second pastorate is still fresh in my heart. I initially felt loved at arms length. People would be kind, but never overly so. It was like they were afraid to let me into the inner circle of friendships that were already so built on a solid history. I was the “new kid” in town, or in the mom’s group. Gradually, I reached out and made some headway. For a short season, I felt very loved. But then I had to come to the realization that my friendships hinged on the way my husband was perceived. When trouble started in the church, most of my friends suddenly disappeared. I was back at arm’s length. I am not bitter, although the temptation to wallow has often been there. However, I am cautious in trusting people in my congregation at this point. I want to love freely, but preserve my heart. Yet deep down, I know God has called me to love fully… regardless. It is a delicate balance to love freely and protect your husband and your own heart. I have a “Naomi” mentor in my life who is a pastor’s wife and she gave me some awesome advice once. She said, “You will never understand how people loved you until you leave the church.” I see that now. Some (Few) really loved us and still do, actively and sacrificially. Some loved us just for a season and then they slip away and seem to forget you ever walked along their path in life. Then others were never loving in the first place, but were used in tremendous ways to grow you, stretch you, and ultimately, to teach you what unconditional love really means in the first place. So that is how I see my experiences.
Congrats, Lisa, on finising the book! I’m so excited to read it!!
I’m not quite sure how to begin this answer. I grew up a minister’s kid and am now a youth minister’s wife. My husband and I have always felt loved by our former home congregation and even a greater love from the congregation my father currently preaches at and yet we barely know them. I do not feel this same love from a number in our current congregation though. There are many who give encouraging words to my husband yet we have gotten to know relatively few on a deep, personal level and this includes the families of our youth group. The ones I feel we should know the best we don’t and at times it seems impossible to change. I know there is much more I can do (it is a two-way street after all!) and I have a new resolve to do so and yet it is so easy, especially when your young and married, to become discouraged and weary when you don’t feel loved by your Christian brothers and sisters.But I believe the best way a congregation can show their love towards the minister’s family is to be continually growing in Christ. This is such an encouragement and genuine love as well as other things will naturally come out of a congregation who is Christ-centered. Be supportive of the elders of the church and the work they have laid out to be done by themselves, the ministers, and the congregation. Be supportive not only in word but in deed and attitude as well. Take the time to be real with your youth minister and let him know what your family’s needs are on a spiritual level and be willing to be the leader in this aspect of the work. On a personal level, show a caring and respectful attitude to everyone in your congregation. For me, these people also seem to be the ones I feel loved by, regardless of how much time I’m able to spend with them. I hope this helps and I didn’t just ramble on incessantly. :)
– YMW
Ministry wife — I’ve never felt loved more than I did by our first church. That group of folks didn’t just tell us they loved us. They acted like it EVERY TIME we were together, with hugs, conversation, words of appreciation, laughter…They served us in whatever ways they could. Before our first Christmas together, we had a choir party, and everyone brought ornaments to play dirty Santa. To our surprise, all the ornaments were gifts for us to fill up our first Christmas tree. I believe the biggest statments of love came when my husband was going through cancer and chemotherapy. Our church family drove him an hour and a half away for labs and treatments, brought food to our house, prayed for us, loaned us a recliner for him to use…the list goes on.
We’ve just started at a new church, and we feel loved already. The people at this church prayed for us during our rough times, as well, and they have been so helpful with youth activities this summer. They tell us they’re glad we’re at the church now and that they miss us when we’re gone.
It means so much more to us and to our ministry than they know.
As a minister’s wife: We felt VERY loved by our last church. It was excruciating when God called us to leave b/c we truly loved the people. They showed us love by “doing life” with us, not just “church”! One amazing thing that blew me away was when we had a moral failure in our Sr Pastor. My husband stepped in to lead until we could find a new pastor….it was a very difficult, exhausting, and trying year…and our congregation knew it. When we hired the new pastor, they surprised us with a weekend away to Chicago. The whole congregation had gotten together and pooled their money to send us on an amazing weekend to “reconnect” as a couple and rest…I will never forget that, it was overwhelming. Many of them still keep in touch with us….I love that!
We have only been at our current church for a little over a year now. I feel very liked by my congregation, but we don’t know each other well enough yet for me to say I feel loved. But we are well on our way!!
What makes me feel loved: probably the same things that makes a lay person feel loved: spend time getting to know me outside of church, support my husband and the ministry (even when he tries “new” things), ask what is going on in my life, call me just to “chat”, pray for me and my family.
I agree with others that we as leaders model what being loved is in the church. Our previous church responded to us because they knew we loved them in and outside of church and were there for them if they needed us.
Good luck finishing the book! I can’t wait to see it!
HUGE congrats on this achievement! i am anxious to see it come out. my answer on this one?
love? the best way all of the churches have shown me love is by their understanding that when they hired my hubby, they didn’t necessarily “hire” me. although i love and serve right along side of him, i’ve never felt like i HAD to because it was expected of me. that has been tremendously freeing. i am grateful for church friends who see past our title and enjoy us as friends. that as well is priceless.
with love,
linda
Hi Lisa!
I wish I could be more help but we just got a new preacher at our church. We have had an interim preacher for the past year. By the way don’t forget my give away this weekend! Have a good one.
Woo Hoo! Congratulations on being so close to finishing! I cant wait to see the finished product!
As for the question, I most definitly feel loved by my pastor and his family. They treat everyone they meet with the same openness and love whether it be on the ballfield, the church bus, or at the altar. I love that! Everyone receives that same love be they child, teen, adult, rich or poor, happy or sad!
Layperson here…
I DEFINITELY feel loved by our pastor and his wife. I think that both of them go out of their way to really connect with the people in our church, being personally available as needed. I have actually felt more connected to our pastor’s wife then ever, at any other church. I KNOW she is busy, but she makes the time/effort to single me out, and find out how my week has been.
Congrats, girl! I am so happy for you.
I do feel loved for the most part by our congregation. There are a few that I’m not “feelin the love” from, but there are some of those in every church.
How could they make us feel more loved? By being faithful to church. By being willing to invest more time into the ministry, in other words, not leaving all the work for the pastor and wife! By doing more to acknowledge the pastor’s sacrifice and the sacrifice on the part of his family, not necesarily always money or gifts, just being appreciative. Encouragement can really keep those in ministry going when times get hard. Don’t just tell us you love us, show us!
And most importantly, PRAY FOR US!
Kelli
Wow, Lisa!! The last chapter, huh? You go girl.
As a layperson, I feel totally loved by the Pastor and his wife, which is really kind of odd. You see they are both new (since March 1) to the congregation. Yet, the love for all is so evident that you can actually see Jesus flowing through them. It’s demonstrated in so many different ways–some overt, some not–too many to articulate here. I think above all the thing that demonstrates their love is the risk they take to be authentic (no fake, paint-on faces)–facing the same trials, tribulations and of course celebrations as the rest of us. That type of openness lead to relationship building.
Over the years I would have answered this question in different ways, but right now, I know without a doubt that I am loved.
P.S. Can’t wait to see you in SA.
~Cheryl
I’ve bestowed an award upon you! See my blog for details!
My hubby is a pastor, and has been away all week at school. He came to church with me today, even though he didn’t preach. The parishioners did not expect to see us, and after the service, one of them came up to me beaming and said, “I just love it when you’re here! I don’t say it very often, but please remember that I love you. And seeing you and Pastor Rob sit together? You two are just marvelous. We love you!”
Last week, I don’t know if I would have told you that I felt loved by our congregation. But that, along with a few other happenings… yes, I do feel loved.
And even when there are hurt feelings amongst parishioners or “things afoot,” they demonstrate family-love toward each other. They might not agree on things, but they still respect my husband, respect me, and respect each other.
Of course, those things sometimes make it hard to get programs off the ground or projects started, but gee, we love each other, right?
Great work on your book. What an undertaking!
Congrats on the last chapter. I can’t wait to get my hands on this book!
I feel loved by this church. My love language is gifts, and they seem to understand this about me. I get birthday cards, gifts, and hugs.
What I most appreciated when we first got here is that there were 5 or 6 women that came over and helped unpack boxes for us. A couple of SS classes invited me to their get-togethers. And most helpful was we were given names of doctors, dentists, restaurants, car dealers, etc…
I love being invited to their houses for dinner. I feel loved when they love on my children.
After reading the comments from the laypeople, I will be doing some things differently. Thanks!!!!
Congrats on being so close to finished Lisa!!
Our new pastor and his wife have only been in place for a month and a half and so there hasn’t been a lot of time to build relationships.
That said, everything I’ve seen tells me that our PM is a truly loving person. She is somewhat reserved – not at all a social butterfly – but at the same time, she is so good at remembering details from even the shortest of conversations and she follows up on them all.
SP wife here… We’re fairly new to this church – only 3 months or so. I don’t know if that’s long enough to feel the love or not ;) I do feel cared for. They show it in the fresh veggies they bring over, they show it in the hugs, they show it in the way they talk to my children. I do love them – of course I’m still trying to remember everyone’s names – so it may take a while for it to show!
In our last church my husband was the AP – we were loved – by the sr pastor and his wife – and they showed it in every way possible – by giving of their time, their gifts, their listening, their friendship – we miss them – but what better example to have before you’re out on your own!
The congregation loved us – you just know – and we loved them. Praying that the same will happen here.
Layperson:
I am no longer actively involved in ministry. I was for about 6 years (volunteer). Our head pastor and wife know my name and always say hi and ask how I am. This always amazes me as we have about 2000 people attend each weekend. They are authentic and when they ask how I am, I can tell they really want to know the answer.
When my son passed away last August they drove 260 miles round trip on a Friday night to be with me and perform the memorial service.
Totally crazy about my pastor and his wife!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ok..so yeah, maybe you are my pastor’s wife… a little brown nosin’ never hurt nobody…haahahahaha! JK!
We love you and appreciate everything you do. You totatlly ROCK!!!!!!
I do feel loved by our congregation.
That has not always been the situation. One church just had a history of not liking the PW. It was as if they did not like the fact that I was the #1 in my husband life – go figure :)
I decided years ago – that I would love our people like family – and God would give us some to really be family to us. He as been faithful to do so. It seems as if I have always had someone who would fill each role from my own family that I had to leave (i.e. Mom, Father, Brothers, Sisters-in-law)
We love being apart of their lives. We are real people too – and need fellowship just as they do. I believe it is healthy to have good fellowship together. So, it speaks volumes to us when we are invited/included in their lives/homes.
Blessings,
DeeDee