So this morning I’m at the track just beginning my somewhat daily walk/run/walk when I get a call from Luke:
“Where are you???!!”
“Umm..at the track?”
“Get to the school. Coach just called and Eldest got hit in the head with a football pylon and needs stitches.”
Thankfully, the track is only 4.7 seconds from the high school so I jumped in the car not having any idea if the gash was as bad as hubby made it sound.
You see, Luke is a little high-strung when it comes to the kids being injured. There was a time a few years ago when our then three-year-old youngest son shot a finishing nail through his hand with the air nailer. (That’s totally a story for a different day.) As soon as it happened, Luke picked boy Three up under his armpits, held him straight out from his body, and ran the length of our hallway 37 times screaming, “He’s shot with a nail! He’s shot with a nail!” I finally convinced him to stop it with the sprinting and use some of that energy to get him to the hospital. We raced to the car and Luke proceeded to pull out of the driveway with the child in his lap IN THE DRIVER’S SEAT.
No Britney, I will not allow you to drive down the street with my child in your lap, nail in hand or not.
Y’all remind me to tell you the rest of that story sometime. It really is a good one. For now, I think you get the point that Luke, well, he’s a little excitable.
Moving on, I went to the school office and signed out Eldest. Amber, (the most awesome office aid ever) called the infirmary and couldn’t find him. About that time, Luke busted through the office door and said, “I HAVE HIM! LET’S GO!!!!!”
And y’all, I’m not trying to minimize the fact my child got hurt but it really wasn’t that bad. I’m thinking glue and maybe stitches; Luke’s thinking concussion and maybe brain surgery.
I had to take my car home and while there, Luke asked me to run in and get his cell phone. I was in the house for a nanosecond and the dern horn starts blowing “HONK HONK HONK HONK”.
There is nothing worse than an alarmist with an alarm.
So we finally get on the road to the Emergency Room. We get there, it’s not very crowded thank goodness, and go back to Triage. The nurse asked Eldest, “On a scale of 1-10, how is the pain?” Do you know what he said?
“About a 6.”
Clearly, he inherited his father’s tendency to exagerrate.
After I explained the pain scale a little more carefully, Eldest agreed that maybe he was only a 0-1. “Umm, nurse. You can cancel the transport to the Morphine Clinic.”
Oh it gets better.
Remember I told y’all Eldest got hit in the head with a pylon? (It was just the result of some horseplay during first period athletics. The 7th Grade football team was helping the coach set out the markers for the game tonight and things got a little crazy.)
Okay, this is good. A nurse came into our room, read the chart and said, “So, I see you got hit in the head with a python?”
A stinkin’ Python. Are you kidding me?
Lady, to what kind of school do you think we send our kid? The Seigfried and Roy Center of Performing Arts?
After we explained that HECK NO HE DIDN’T GET HIT IN THE HEAD WITH A PYTHON, Eldest was able to lie back and relax until he got his three baby stitches in the forehead. Thankfully, our dear friend Tammy was at work and came down to rescue us from Terri Irwin.
On our way back to school (yes, he wanted to go back to school because today was Crazy Spirit Day) a weird thought hit me. When I had signed Eldest out I was required to put a reason. My brain was going in every kind of direction and all I could think of was “Accident”.
So I signed out my kid with a note beside his name that said he had an accident.
I told him what I had written and he said, “GREAT MOM. Now everyone’s going to think I peed in my pants.” So for those of you who go to school with my boy, just know he was only gushing blood – nothing else.
My How-Not-To-Embarass-Your-High-School-Child-Skillz need some perfecting.
Now, even though Luke can get a little crazed when the kids are hurt, he totally has his priorities in check. Would you like to know the first question he asked after my boy was stitched up?
“Doc, when can he put a football helmet back on?”
And then a phone call from Coach, “How is that head? We have a big game Tuesday!”
And then a call from a Deacon, “Is this going to affect his football?”
Men. I may tell the whole high school my son has had an ‘accident’ but he knows his mommy could care less if he puts on a football uniform. Even a grown boy needs that kind of secret security – don’t y’all think?
This whole thing has got me thinking though. Since football is the instigator and motivator behind the accident and recovery, I’m sending the ER bill to the Quarterback Club.
And if the Cow Plop didn’t raise enough to cover it, well, I’ll just take one of those darlin’ t-shirts y’all are selling at the game tonight.
(Just messing with you, President Mary and Entourage. Just messin’. I like the pullovers much better.)
Good grief…this post was as exhausting as the day.
Have an Awesome Friday night, interpeeps!
I think I need to be signed out of work for the day with “Accident” next to my name, because I just darned near peed my pants laughing!! I should at least get signed out for having cried because I was laughing so hard. Or maybe I should just get to leave early because I need a latte and some chocolate…
Thanks for the chuckle and happy Friday!
Hilarious!!! From start to finish I got the visual! And the python, that is so my line, can’t remember if me of Amber started that. So, will he have the helmet on Tuesday?
Sounds like another exciting and eventful day for a mother of four kids. Now you know why I don’t have a blog….with just one kid, life is not near as exciting so that would leave me nothing to blog about. Hope Eldest has plenty of Tylenol on hand or maybe you should just give the Tylenol to Hubby, sounds like he needs to chill….LOL
Oh Lisa! You are too funny! Luke and my hubby sound so much alike in the area of injury to the children department.
My hubby liked to have given my little girl a heartattack at the age of two when she got a little strangled on a vanilla wafer. We had just come in from grocery shopping and had put her in the highchair while we were putting up grocerys. She wanted one of her cookies so we gave her one. As I said she got a little strangled and was coughing. My husband throws a bag of groceries across the kitchen grabs my child while throwing the highchair across the kitchen yelling “She’s not breathing, She’s not breathing”.
The poor girl started crying and threw up all over him!!!!!!!
Gotta love our men!!!
oh my goodness! I am laughing so hard my kids think I have gone loopy. I have a 12 year old daughter like your husband. I was hoping she would out grow it but I guess your hubby is proof that she may never out grow it. I just had to take her for 2 shots and I think they could hear her from miles away. I told my sweet hubby that it is his turn next time because the nurses look at me funny when I start laughing while she is being hysterical but COME ON it is a bit ridiculous!
That’s hilarious. I think Luke’s the one that needs a helmet.
Or maybe a straight jacket. :-)
The alarmist with an alarm comment totally rocked.
So sorry for your son. And for you.
Mostly for you.
Let me guess, they want him back on the field – stiches and all, but don’t think it’s important for him to make an ‘A’ on that math test.
Anyone else dealing with the sports are THE most important thing in life dad and son?
Driving. Me. Crazy.
Ok I almost had an accident myself with as much as I was laughing my head off!
I love the “There is nothing worse than an alarmist with an alarm”
That is so darn funny
I have to confess with my own children I tend to freak out b/c you see I was a nurse and every WORST CASE senario runs through my mind.
However, take me to a scene of an accident where my kids are not involved and I have nerves of steel – LOL
I pray that your weekend does not require anymore Pythons – LOL
You are a riot, girl! My favorite was when you said you had to explain the pain scale to him…that is just pure awesomeness. Hope you have a good weekend! :)
Oh man….that’s a good one!
Bless his heart….those goofin off injuries….we like to call them “natural consequences” in our family.
Good thing it wasn’t worse….Dad my need some counseling from the drama/trauma!
lol…an accident! I can so see the look on his face when that one registered!
Glad he is okay!
p.s…you MUST blog about the nail gun story! That has to be one of the funniest stories I’ve ever heard!
I am so sorry to hear that he had to have stitches but that is the funniest story I have heard all day! Luke and his lack-of-calm cracks me up. Just send a note to Amber to put on the morning announcements that the boy didn’t pee his pants.
My husband is an alarmist too. When our eldest boy was about 2 y.o., I was in the car, headed out to run some errands, when hubby burst through the door screaming “HE’S FALLEN AND KNOCKED OUT ALL OF HIS TEETH!!!” I ran into the house, took my crying toddler in my arms and carefully opened his mouth. He had fallen and the white, chewable vitamin C I had just given him was spilling out of his mouth. I don’t think there was even any blood. Gotta love men – they just aren’t wired the same as us.
I’m thinkin’ you need to go ahead and write that post about the accident with the nail because the visual of your husband running up and down the hall with your son is one not soon forgotten.
As for the python incident…funny from beginning to end.
Totally made me laugh out loud…Luke running up and down the hall screaming…man that’s good stuff :)
“an alarmist with an alarm” bwaaahhahaha!
Good stuff, Lisa! :)
I was there close to him but didnt see what went on, all I seen was Coach wiping the blood and Luke standing there. We will miss him Tuesday
WOOOOOW…That’s all I can say is WOW… and maybe bless your heart, sista…lol.
I could picture the whole thing!!! H-I-L-A-R-I-O-U-S!!!!
My husband stays pretty calm but his mother….oh my, she was just like your husband! She was the loudest football mama I ever heard (my husband played all the way through college) and I finally refused to sit with her when he was coaching high school football after college. But when someone got hurt – she was very, very sure they were dead. That’s all, just dead. :) blessings, marlene
Not only can my (wonderful) hubby NOT multi-task, he too gets worked up over small accidents.
My hubby normally works nights and had taken this week off. You’d think he was going to lose his mind tonight! My response? “Welcome to my world, honey.”
my husband is the same way as Luke when it comes too accidents I think motrin he thinks the worse.
You poor thing you must be tried.
I havae been having troble with my emails so if you email me I never got it “( marina
Whee Haw!!! as I’m about to have my own accident!
I’m so glad I came over to move you to 667 :) how funny…Please tell the nail gun story soon! Please! Please!
I am dying over here girlfriend…If rod weren’t so good at tuning out he would totally ask me what I am laughing at. I am glad he is better. But I have to say I tell my man ALL of the time that HE IS A DRAMA KING!!!
Crack! Me! Up! :D
I can’t stop laughing at this post, because you have just described my household in the reverse. I am the one who overreacts and imgaines the worst, and Trevor is calm, cool and collected.
Glad to hear he’s fit for football…that’s the most important thing, right?
Seriously – I’ve got nothing more to add than everyone else. I’m so tickled and amused (and I haven’t even had my coffee!!).
There are so many great zingers in this story that I can’t pick just one!
BAAAA HAAAAA HAAAAAA
I wish I was a little more calm like you in situations like these…I am more so like your hubby, but times 10 :)
Love the python thing :)
Oh Lisa…I need to hear that story in person…can we set up a conference call or 3 way calling thingy and let me hear this stuff live???!!!!
I’m sorry, but I laughed out loud the whole way through it. My hubs and I are the exact same way. Lets put together a book on this. :)
I am seriously cracking up over the python comment. I mean, seriously?! But…at least he can play football. Lol. God bless!
I am more like Luke. I am FREAK out when there is a medical drama. I am sure my OB is amazed that I was able to give birth!
I tagged you over on my blog but I am so not tech savy so I don’t know how to link. If you want to do hop over to my blog for the rules. It WILL NOT HURT MY FEELING IF YOU DON’T….I just wont buy your book!
Only kidding. Only kidding.
A PYTHON!! Really!!! That is so stinkin’ funny.
I’m glad he’s okay!!
BUT, I’ve got to hear the nailgun story..that sounds like quite an experience!
I read this last night and was laughing so hard, Corey gave me The Look from across the room.
“Here, you have to read this story from Lisa,” I said.
And that’s how Luke lost his man card.
(We have no alarmists in our household, which made the story 10x funnier. We’re more likely to say, “Stop crying. It’s just a NAIL, for crying out loud. We’ll get you to the hospital in … In fact, here, just hold still. I’ll pull it out for you.”)
You are so funny! Great post. Glad he is O.K. Have a good weekend!
Pretty funny and not. Glad he’s okay.
“There is nothing worse than an alarmist with an alarm.”~~ You crack me up! That is so stinkin’ funny!
That is too funny Lisa! I was cracking up when you referred to him as Britney!! :)
Lisa, I resent the email if not then I give up there must be something wrong with my mail.love
Thanks for the comment on my blog about our new little princess!!!
She is just absolutely wonderful! So sweet smelling and little meow cries (no loud screammy cries like her brother!)
I am so excited to have a niece…I told my sister in law that I am really going to go broke now!
Sounds like you and your family had an eventful Friday! So glad that was not a python that your guy got hit with!!! Silly nurse!
On a more serious note: Could you please say a prayer for my family? My parents are not believers and they are having major problems in their marriage…because I am single they seem to think that I am a good candidate to dump on….issues with boundaries, I know! This has been a horrible year (dad tumors, grma breast cancer, uncle death) and my mom is very near a mental breakdown…if it happens I am a little scared about how to deal with it….thanks!
Bethany in Ca.
I am dying laughing over here! Too funny! You tell a good story, girlfriend!
That is hysterical. A python! Oh, ha, hee , ho. That one was too much!
Hey girl – just wanted to let you and all your readers know that I am hosting a week of free giveaways… and one interview. Love to have them come by and sign up!! Feel free to make it a quick post if you have time.
Love much, Leigh
You crack me up!!!!!
This was hillarious. Sounds exactly like something that would happen at my house. DH freaks out over stuff like that too. Glad he’s OK though.
I am just now getting back online after a long exhausting summer, and I am SO glad I came here today!!!! I laughed so hard I almost peed my pants and had to put “had an accident” beside my name!!!
I’m still laughing. Too darn funny!
Python? Accident? HHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHa
If only you had had a snake bite kit and a pair of clean undies you wouldn’t have even needed to go to the ER…hahahahaha