Drama, Thou Art A Four-Year-Old Girl
I will never forget the day the Preacher and I were in the obstetrician’s office and the sonographer announced the news, ‘It’s a Girl!’
‘That’s impossible. We don’t make girls”, I said. However, after seeing three boys on an ultrasound, it was utterly apparent this was no male child I was carrying.
We left that office and immediately began daydreaming about what she would be like. With three older brothers, we envisioned her wearing blue jeans, pushing Hot Wheels through the dirt, and spitting. Yes, our girl would be a tomboy because how could she possibly be anything but?
Fast-forward five years. Picture a pink bedroom with a pink fairy comforter. Open the closet and see clothing in every conceivable shade of , what else, pink hanging intermittently with various Disney Princess and Cheerleader costumes. Find every Barbie ever made, except for Tanner the Dog which I have just not been able to bring myself to buy. Yet.
The Preacher and I have got ourselves a Drama Princess. We are still uncertain where she came from and are not altogether convinced there wasn’t a switch at the hospital. How, oh how did we end up with a girl who sleeps with lip gloss? Where did we get a child who has already proclaimed she is ready to meet her Prince Charming and could we just go ahead and drop her off at his castle? When did it become possible in my testasterone-filled house for a 4-year old to prefer fashion accessories over a toy weapon?
With that said, I told ya’ll I let her buy a shirt at Target for $1.75 while we were on vacation. I was sooo proud I was getting out of buying her something extravagant for her ‘vacation prize’ and as I said, clothing is better to her than a toy any day. I should have splurged because that $1.75 shirt has cost me roughly $988 in therapy bills thus far.
Little Princess is pretty ticky about her couture. Things have to fit ‘right’ and ‘match’ and heaven forbid you try to take a shirt from one outfit and put it with pants from another. Oh no, ma’am. That is simply not done. I am pushing to buy this $1.75 shirt so I convinced her it was the same color blue as the rhinestone butterfly on a skirt she already had. After very thoughtful consideration, she agreed that yes, that sounded like it may work. I bought the shirt in XS thinking I had the perfect, cheap gift.
The Shirt has spaghetti straps which are adjustable with buttons. It also has a little jacket which fits over the whole deal. Princess decides she doesn’t like the jacket but the problem is, without the jacket, the shirt is a bit big around. It is nothing adjusting the straps can fix, it is strictly a circumference problem.
She decides if we put a paper clip on the straps it will tighten it enough so it will be ‘Right’ because her clothing, it has to be ‘Right’. We try the paperclip. Not Right. She then decides that we may be able to tie the straps around her neck. Her instructions? “Make it a whole lot of tight and a little loose.”
???What??? What in heaven’s name is a whole lot of tight and a little loose?? (Sounds like a bad joke with the punchline: A Baptist in a bar…hardy har)
Apparently, I still do not know because no amount of tightness or looseness was making things ‘right’. She whined and flopped and tugged at this shirt. She cried as she posed in front of the mirror to see just how she looked while she was doing it. SO – I made her take the shirt off which should have made her happy, but the wailing got even louder until I finally had to threaten to throw The Shirt off the balcony. When the screaming commenced, I popped her little fanny, put her in bed, and dared her to say the words ‘my new little shirt’ again.
As I was walking out of the bedroom I heard, in the tee-niniest voice, ‘I want my little shirt’. At this point, I can’t decide whether to throw myself off the balcony or The Shirt. I was seriously leaning on the former.
So I told ya’ll this to have you guess what just happened to get left at the condo? Accidentally on purpose? I’m thinking it will be a great gift for our friend’s granddaughter who we rented from.
So far, she has no idea…Say a prayer for both of us because one more mention of The Shirt and one of us is going down…..
And I’m afraid it is going to be me.
Hilarious. But in case they mail it to you, could you possible zip a little seam up the sides to suit her? I don’t sew at all, but I’m just wondering.
Maybe I should be thankful I will just have daughters in love, I get them when they are older =))
This is a sweet story and one my sister will live through time and time again, hehehe.
You just wrote about my daughter!!!! I don’t know if knowing that there are two of them in the world is a comfort or something to be scared of!
(And, my daughter is almost 8 now… I wish I could tell you that it gets better… but it doesn’t…)
It is so great to read your posts again!! This is too funny! I thought the same thing with after having two boys and we found out we were having a little girl. My daughter is almost two and I am amazed that she asks for her dresses and points to which one she wants! She has a princess nightgown which she twirls around in over and over. Where does this come from? It sure is a hoot for sure!
LOL! You’ve just described Drama Girl (age 9, as of Tue), about 5 years ago! I’ll email you a picture that is sure to make you know that “you’re not the only one”. And…don’t ever doubt it, Lisa–they are stronger. It will be you going over the balcony. just sayin’. :)
I thought of that, however, I am certain with my limited sewing skills I could never make the seams lay down enough where they wouldn’t cause a whole other ‘not right’ issue.
Luke said, ‘take it to a seamstress’..yeah, okay. which defeats the whole purpose of only paying $1.75!!
oh and heather, thanks for the encouragement…i’m going back to bed now…:)) (kiddin’))
Oh Lisa…..what can I say to encourage you? hmmmm….I’m really trying to find something….let’s see….hmmmm!
Eventually they move out? That’s all I can think of…mine is turning 14 in two weeks and she has put the word Drama in the phrase Drama Queen…….and the funny thing is I have no idea where it came from because I was a huge tomboy…..and so I can’t relate to her at all….sometimes I laugh because I have no choice, it’s either that or crying! :o))
Well, at least you have prom dress shopping, and wedding dress shopping to look forward to!!… FUN!!!
I thought I was so lucky because I have 2 boys. Little did I know that MY 4 year old BOY would be a drama KING! One day he walked into Sunday School in a bad mood. One of the teachers asked him what was wrong, and he replied, putting his hand on his head in dramatic fashion, “Oh, I just didn’t get my Starbucks today!”
I’m sorry, but the whole “sounds like a bad joke with the punchline: A Baptist in a bar…hardy har” – I’m going to pass out from laughing so hard and not breathing enough!
Best of luck!
Funny stuff–for us, anyway!
I am so glad I am not alone!! My daughter will be 4 in August and we are having wardrobe fits. My parents chose to buy my kids summer clothes – YIPPEE!! And my little princess refuses to wear any of it! She says ‘I cannot wear pants (capris) and I cannot wear shorts. I HAVE to wear a dress Mom!’ There are certain dresses she cannot wear – they are shirt dresses. They have a line where the bodice meets the skirt. Those are dress shirts mommy and I canNOT wear a dress shirt. UM, that is a DRESS!!!!
Good luck with your little Diva Darling!! I am feeling your pain!
Hello! My first time on your blog – and it is just great. I laughed and I darn near cried when I read about the truck. What a lovely blessing. You are a great writer!
Perhaps three boys will be better after all ;0)
Boy, I could picture this!! Soooo funny!
A whole lot of tight and a little loose!! How cute!!! I just love that age. :)
Lisa, The only advice that Britt and I have, or should I say consulation, is that be glad that there is just one of her! Oh the fun that we have ahead of us! I can’t wait……or can I?
loved this blog! I have a grandaughter just like this with her clothes. we call her the drama queen! she is a fashion plate, the only thing it is “her” idea of fashion. bless you I can not wait to tell her mom ther is another one. God Bless, cindy
Oh Lisa…. I lived through this.. and guess what.. they grow up and then.. they have to shop for themselves… yes.. oh yes.. and you get to sit back and laugh beyond laughter…
however, sometimes they come home from college and you think Dear Father in Heaven what was that child thinking when she bought that!!
Did she come from my genes?
no, the hospital rate of switching children must be higher than we think and they just aren’t fessin’ up…
Somewhere along the line, we must have prayed for patience..
and here we have it…
Oh my goodness…now I KNOW why God gave me BOYS. When I was pregnant wtih #4 people asked if “wanted a girl”…I just can’t imagine it. But it sounds like you’ve done it with grace and style…and yes, I’m afraid I’d be throwing the shirt myself. But that’s better than throwing the child! ;-)
Oh my! I think you just described me at that age. Much to my mother’s dismay. Never fear it will pass. I am still a girly girl but drama not so much.
Lyndy in GA
“‘That’s impossible. We don’t make girls”, I said. However, after seeing three boys on an ultrasound, it was utterly apparent this was no male child I was carrying.”
So lucky. I hope to have a son next time around.