Is Your Pastor Boring?
That could be a problem if you are married to him.
My article for Christian Women Online this month answers the following question submitted by a reader:
“Few people realize the dilemma of a pastor’s wife. Her husband is the ONLY preacher/pastor that she ever has! This is great, if he is a good preacher, but what if he is not that great a preacher? Is she doomed to spiritual starvation and boredom as she sits through his sermons each week?”
I have to admit when I first read this question I was a little surprised at the rawness of it. But, as I did some background reading in preparation for writing this article, I was shocked to find how common it is for pastor’s wives not to attend their own husband’s church. Read my take on the subject here.
And I’m curious, do any of you attend churches where the PW does not attend? Are you a PW who is a member of another fellowship? Without dishonoring either position, I’d love to hear your thoughts.
Lisa
I enjoyed your article over at CWO and as a Pastors wife, I have to agree with what you had to say about this subject. I believe it is Gods plan for the family to worship together. I could not even imagine attending a different church other than where my husband was ministering. We have four Pastors on our staff and each of them have different strengths and weaknesses – this is what makes them such a great team. I totally support each strength my husband has, and for his weaknessess…I try to encourage him even in those. I can’t imagine being able to do that fully from a different church. Interesting subject.
-Laurie
I’m with Laurie on this one. I dont ‘think’ I’m the only one who enjoys my husbands sermons :) but even in the past when other pastors sermons were not so captivating, I did feel like I was supporting both the church and my husband by being there.
And fortunately, there are a lot of avenues for us to connect with God and learn about Him other than Sunday sermons (Like your Bible Study!).
I do take opportunities to go to conferences and Bible Studies with ladies from other churches but I am happy to support my husband and other pastors by attending the Sunday services.
This is a really interesting question. The complexity of our situation is compounded because my husband is a Lutheran pastor and I am a Catholic. Our children are being raised Lutheran, but I have never felt like God was calling me to leave the Catholic church. I go to Mass where I can, but I lead the children’s choir and volunteer in other ways in my husband’s church, because I know my main vocation right now is to serve him and my children.
I guess my point is, because I rarely make it to Mass, I often feel like I am not being fed spiritually. It doesn’t have anything to do with my husband’s preaching abilities–I happen to think he’s a pretty amazing preacher–it’s just the reality of my situation.
I do feel blessed that I’m married to such a good preacher. And when he does deliver what we jokingly call “a turkey,” we can laugh about it and recognize it for what it is.
Man. That is bizarre. I have never heard of a pastor’s wife not attending his church. I don’t like it. I know when my husband preaches he asks me to ‘rate him’ as soon as we get home. I tell him the truth! If he gets too loud for too long I tell him that he sounded like he was stuck in 3rd gear and it was making my head hurt. If he rambles or repeats himself too much I tell him he should have studied more etc…
Here’s the thing. The word of God is not boring. The pastor, if he is spending enough time in prayer and study, should not be either.
I really really love listening to Alistair Begg. He is my favorite. My husband gets nothing from him. People have different tastes in everything from music to preaching. If you do not enjoy your pastors preaching style then by all means, find a church you enjoy. But, if you are that pastors wife you need to hurry up and get over yourself and start supporting your husbands ministry.
And it may be wrong but I think I would seriously question this man’s ability to rule over the house of God if he doesn’t seem to be able to sort out his own house.
From a lay-person’s standpoint, I think it would only serve as fodder for gossip – the pastor and his wife are divorcing, one or the other of them is having an affair, the pastor isn’t really who he says he is… People gossip about their pastors enough without his wife adding more fuel to the fire.
That said, I could see it if it was a temporary situation (and not related to “boredom”) – I know of one pastor’s wife who had made a service committment before her husband was called to another church and she stayed just long enough to train and transition her replacement.
I love what you said in your article about sermons being insufficient spiritual food for the week.
I found your blog through blog-hopping…and was intrigued by your post…
My husband and I are Salvation Army officers in Spain, and are both pastors. So, our situation is a little different..but we have found the need as Christian leaders to find Christian development groups (Bible study, house groups, etc) that feed us and that we are not in charge of in any way. I have often attended a Bible Study at another church in town. I don’t think that it speaks ill of the ministry at my church, just that I can’t feed others if I don’t keep myself fed…
Just my 2 cents…
Lisa,
Interesting question and you answered it very well, I agree with you 100%.
I am so thankful that I never walked through these feelings. My husband is my favorite preacher!
Which makes it hard now that he is not preaching, I really miss hearing him deliver a message.
We’ve been asked to help with another church plant, so you never know! Hold on kids here we go again. :)
Lisa – I can not find the CWO website. My computer keeps telling me that ‘Internet Explorer can not display this page.’ Can you help me?
Rebecca, jamersonsean@gmail.com
Lisa, thank you for being so willing to speak the truth in love!
When Gunter and I first got engaged, I continued attending church with my parents (where I was getting married), while he was serving at a church nearby. Even though I was not his wife yet, I was miserable! I eventually started going to church with him, and I knew that’s where God wanted me the whole time. I couldn’t imagine worshipping or serving at two separate churches for any extended period of time.
And best of all, he likes having me with him. :-)
I have unfortunately heard of PW’s attending another fellowship. I don’t think it’s right, but it happens.
I guess, if I stretch my imagination, I could come up with a scenerio where I could see this happening. Maybe a pastor took over a church with terrible problems, is very unwelcoming to him and his family, and is spiritually discouraging to his children…I guess I could understand a PW bringing her kids elsewhere. Didn’t say I agree or think it’s right, but I could understand.
In answer to your question:
No, our PW – Miss Janet, is front and center and by all appearances head cheerleader for her husband…the two of them seem deeply enamored with the other…quite a witness and celebration of the covenant of marriage.
OUCH!
I’ve never heard of a pastor’s wife attending a different church. That doesn’t seem healthy or right.
When I was a teenager, I would occasionally accompany our youth pastor to a nearby Christian college when he would speak to youth ministry majors. (I was Exhibit A.) He would sometimes get a question about how seriously a youth ministry major should pursue marriage if his girlfriend didn’t feel called in any way to youth ministry. Joe’s answer was not to marry such a person, as it would be a huge division in the marriage. Wise words.
WHAT???? ON PURPOSE???? NO. WAY.
At this moment in time….my husband is preaching supply for a church 45min. away while they are transitioning to bringing in a new pastor.
I stay back and attend church where we are members, sometimes. But we have gone with him a few times (because ya’ll…..it’s just W E I R D….not being together!)
To do that out of boredom……I’m thinkin….my preacher might be gettin divorced over that one!
I’m just sayin!
When I knew I was called to full time pastoral ministry and dear friend and mentor sent me off to Bible College with these profound words…
“Make sure you marry a good preacher because he is ALL you’re going to hear for the REST OF YOUR LIFE!”
I listened to her advice. I am blessed with an incredible communicator.
If I wasn’t… I am sure I would be there to support him every week… because I am sure he would be insecure as well… then make sure I do a lot of other podcasting… Beth Moore or other studies with video teaching.
OR you could always decide YOU are called to Sunday Morning kids ministry and be in kids church every week. :-)
AND your article was RIGHT ON SISTAH!
sorry about all the comments and deletes. my computer was thinking on it’s own!
This is a subject that has never crossed my mind. I just assumed that a wife would worship at her husband’s church. But, I also understand that not all preachers are called to preach even if they go to school for it. I think preachers have to be called to be effective and not men who just decide they want to be preachers because their Father was. I can see how a woman might seek out an annointed preacher if her husband is uninspired.
I had never heard of a wife not worshiping at her husband’s church, until a few weeks ago! I work at a preschool at another church in our town and as I was leaving one evening, I saw another PW…not the PW from that church! I jokingly said “You’re at the wrong church.” She of course commented “So are you!” But I work there! Anyway, they have just taken in a niece and a nephew to parent and their church doesn’t have a nursery. She has not been able to worship since June because these two little ones have no idea how to sit still for 2 minutes. She is attending this other church PURLY for their nursery. Not ideal…but I hope it works for them.
Blessings-Andie
I don’t even know where to start on this. The fact that it is common left me speechless, which is a definite oddity for me.
Not attend the church where my husband is the Pastor…I have certainly found myself tempted to sneak in the back of another church, but NOT because my husband was boring me in the pulpit.
I find myself wanting to dig deeper in the hearts of those women who find themselves making this choice. I would be curious to hear what’s happening for them down deep.
Interesting post and article.
Thanks
Podcast other churches if you are bored! :)
I can say that because my husband is on staff, but not the preacher/teacher. And I would not want to be anywhere but where he is!
But, podcasts are great and I listen to a couple of other churches.
I don’t think he’s boring…doesn’t mean I think every sermon is phenomenal…but as his wife, I get to know his heart…which makes the sermons mean so much more to me.
Plus…he’s the only pastor I’ve ever had a crush on, which helps me to think whatever he says is wonderful ;)
I love the ” he is the only pastor I have ever had a crush on” quote from Sarah…cracks me up!!
I had NEVER EVER heard of a PW attending another church. We have served in a church that I told my husband that I would never invite someone to. However, as much as I did not like that church, I can see now that it is the one place that God did a PROFOUND work in me. It was there that I learned that it was not the pastor’s job anywhere to feed me.
It is my job.
God used that time to change how I saw the church and what I expected from it. I 100% agree with everything you said in the article.
I have honestly never even thought about it! That just seems so wrong! My husband is a bible study leader and I love how he teaches, I think that if I was bored with him it would stem from something else….
So I think its wrong, I’m with the commenter who said serve in kids ministry…
I am so sheltered. The idea of a PW not attending her hubby’s church was not even something I thought as an option. So I guess you figured out that I attend the church my hubby pastors. I just don’t think it would be right to do other wise. He is a great teacher/pastor, but even if he was not I would be there. I believe that God calls couples together to minister not just one or the other. No, I am not a pastor. My ministry I believe is to do all that my hubby needs me to that is a support to him.
Kim B. in AZ
I happen to think my husband is a great preacher..in three languages! My father was the only other Pastor I have ever had, except between churches, then it was my grand father, so… I would not know anything else, I guess.
No I never have attended where the wife attended elsewhere! That just doesn’t seem right to me! Our current Senior Pastors wife asked if she could attend elsewhere when he was first called. Not because of her husband being boring but for her girls (they had a rough time at their former church). She choose not to attend elsewhere and is now a vital part of our church. One of their daughters is always on fire for the Lord now. I believe (maybe wrongly) that they are a package deal, and what support would a wife be showing to her husband if she attended elsewhere?
Would you apply this same thought of a preachers wife attending the church her preacher husband attends to a deacons wife attending the church her husband attends or is it okay for a deacons wife to move her membership to a new church while her deacon husband remains a member of their previous church?
I hope that makes sense.
Dear Anonymous,
I would apply this same line of thought to any man and wife, but especially for those of servant leadership – including deacons. We are called to be examples of Christ’s love for the church and the unity between the husband and bride.
My husband is our teaching pastor, so he doesn’t preach every Sunday. He does share that role with our Lead Pastor so he preaches about half of the year. I love when my husband preaches I can’t imagine not being a part of that. All week while he is working on a sermon he is talking to me about what he is learning from the passage and we are able to talk back and forth about it. He always tells me that I am the first person he looks for after he preaches to see what my take is on his sermon. So I can’t imagine not being their to support him and encourage him.