A Cheeseburger with a Side Order of Lipitor

There  are many obvious and serious reasons I appreciate our nation’s Veterans, but I have to admit the kiddos being out of school this morning and my being able to sleep until 10 AM caused my gratitude to reach an all time high.  I can’t even remember the last time I didn’t have to hit the ground running.  I probably wouldn’t have rolled over when I did if I didn’t feel Boy Three staring at me and asking The Girl, “Do you think she is still breathing?”  

Apparently we’re experiencing a parental role reversal.

And it seems like maybe it’s right on time since it’s been confirmed that I am mamaw.  I went to the doc this week for my annual exam (joy) and just found out my cholesterol – particularly my bad cholesterol – is elevated.  Not really high, but higher than it should be.  Are you kidding me?  Cholesterol?  How lame is that?  I totally blame it on my mother.  Mom’s medical records are like prophetic scrolls into all the health issues I can expect to experience.  We have everything the same from impossible-to-tame hair to busted blood veins.  Next on the list is high blood pressure and diabetes.   And then perhaps Bingo Night at the Senior Citizen’s center where I will be able to discuss my ailments with someone who cares.

I’m officially under doctor’s orders to reduce the cholesterol through “diet” and “exercise”.  With the exception of the last month in which I’ve ditched The Shred and embraced The Milk Dud, I’ve already been doing that so I’m not altogether sure where to go next.  Except crawling back to Jillian in hopes she’ll extend grace to my backslidden backside.  Somehow I don’ t think mercy is a part of her gospel.

So I’m just a little depressed that I’ve got to go all Kashi health-freak.  Euell Gibbons may like him some tree bark but I’m partial to potatoes fried in hydrogenated oil which I suppose is why I’m in the shape I’m in.  {Of course, if I remember correctly he died pretty young so how did eating pines help him, pray tell?}  If any of y’all have any suggestions for heart healthy foods that don’t taste like a plant root then I’d love to hear them.

I can’t believe I used the word heart-healthy. 

I am old.